Flaming June's Love

I sat at our dining room table this Thanksgiving and didnt eat. I had made a decision a few days or weeks before that I was going to enjoy the people sitting around our table this year and MAKE A MEMORY. I wanted to concentrate on the people we were sharing with and make a memory of them enjoying their dinner. That I had made. Because I LOVE THEM, ALL, SO, VERY, MUCH. Andy Timmy Allie Missi Mom Davey Bob Suzie Jack I love you all and am grateful to have you in my life. That said, Cant wait for Christmas. Love abounds.

Don't take too long to think about this. Name fifteen FICTIONAL characters (from television, films, plays, books, etc.) who have influenced you in some way and/or will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you think of in no more than fifteen minutes. Tag fifteen or more of your friends, including me, because I'm interested in seeing which characters my friends choose. To do this, just go to your "NOTES" tab on your profile page, copy and paste these rules in a new note, type in your fifteen picks, and tag your 15 friends. No particular order, just how they hit my head. 1. Peggy Sue. She had a chance to go back and change her life, and chose the same route she took the first time around. I sort of see her point of view. 2. Ruth from "Friend Green Tomatoes" She LOVED her child and LOVED her friends. The end. 3. Princess Diana. Fell in Love with a man. Didnt get what she thought came with the deal.. Fell down hard, got herself up and came back s...

Andy, Jack and I went to Jim Thorpe on Saturday. We walked the trail along the river and watched Jack explore and pretend he was hunting Dinosaurs. He picked up sticks that were definitely T Rex leg bones! He found rocks that were fossils! He marked the dirt with x's to mark the spot for Pirate treasure. He talked to passersby about their bicycles, and their pets. He asked a few families if he could pet their dogs. They obliged and he was great. Jack threw stones in the water, climbed rocks and shuffled along the riverbanks. Andy and I walked holding hands or just side by side and admired the boy that is sometimes taking every ounce of ourselves. He is beautiful, smart and ingenious. He is tiring, loud, repetitive, ruthlessly adamant, tirelessly moving, and draining. I adore this boy that is sapping my youth. I was looking at pictures from 2005 and I look a heck of alot better then than I do now. I am not blaming Jack, but I am wearing old, quickly. My heart is full of LOVE. My b...

Pearl Jam. I heard of them but didint know what I was hearing until this morning. I was driving to work and heard this song. I didnt cry, but I certainly felt the lyrics. I am in love. Enjoy.

The other day Jack and I went to the flower store. We chose red, yellow, purple, and white mums. A few pumpkins, a few scarecrows and the yard looks really autumnal. OK to the story. I let Jack play in the car while I emptied the car. He cant get in to too much trouble in a turned off car RIGHT? Well all looked well when he got out of the car. We planted our flowers and decorated and kept moving. The next morning I was in the car at 730 started the car for work and saw a slow ppppfffftsht. on the dashboard. hmm. The radio was out, the dash lights, the side view mirrors didnt work either. OK obviously a blown fuse. At this point Jack and Andy were on their way into Andys truck to go to school and work. It was then that I remembered Hmm who was in the car last? JACK. I searched the dash and it hit me. Pennies. I looked a little closer and there was Abe Lincoln head up facing out perfectly from the hole of the lighter. He had pushed pennies into the lighter hole, perfectly lined up, and...

Just spit it out... really spit IT OUT! Allie was a junior in HS. She was taking a test and had her new fancy pen hanging from the corner of her mouth. She had wanted a pen with "whiteout" in the cap. So when she needed to whiteout any of her work, whola!! She could WHITE IT OUT! Well anyway , she was taking her test chewing ont he end of her pen, yup the whiteout side. The cap cracked and the whoteout exploded in her mouth. The whole amount in her mouth. So what does an intelligent, child of a nurse do? hmm. quickly run to the garbage can and spit out the toxic glue/paint product? No, she swallowed it. She swallowed it. All of it. Then sat there with her esophagus burning. Why? Because she didnt want people to see her with a mouthful of whiteout, then spit it out IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!!! "I couldn't Mom, They would all laugh at me and it would be everywhere, so I swallowed it. Five minutes into the test she realized she was feeling sick and went to the nurse. Who...

Now the parking lot is empty Everyone's gone someplace I pick you up and in the trunk I've packed A cooler and a two-day suitcase Cause there's a place we like to drive Way out in the country Five miles out of the city limit we're singing And your hand's upon my knee So we're okay, we're fine Baby I'm here to stop your crying Chase all the ghosts from your head I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed Smarter than the tricks played on your heart We'll look at them together then we'll take them apart Adding up the total of a love that's true Multiply life by the power of two You know the things I'm afraid of I'm not afraid to tell And if we ever leave a legacy It's that we loved each other well Cause I've seen the shadows of so many people Trying on the treasures of youth But a road that's fancy and fast ends in a fatal crash And I'm glad we got off to tell you the truth Cause we're okay, we're fine Ba...

OK so the post with the song and lyrics about my father chair, yeah sad shit I know. But honestly I feel pretty good today. I woke with the lingering vision of him from a last minute dream I had. He was wearing his worn out blue jeans, red suspenders a blue plaid shirt and his old dirty work boots. He was wearing a babseball cap and he was normal and happy. We were out the mountain and he was sitting on the swing in the back of the house. I dont recall a conversation, just a feeling that all was well. So I woke with a picture of him in my mind when everything was fine. I am getting better I think. That is not to say I am not missing him or the life we had of "nothing bad ever happens to us", but I am able to have happy thoughts and memories. Took Jack to church this morning. We have been going on Sunday mornings for a number of reasons. First he has to go during school and he was very misbehaved the last time.. Sister requested he not attend church with thte class ...

My father's chair's still standing there All alone since the long night Now it's three years on and I still feel He'll come home, we'll be alright So where's this healing time brings I was told the pain would ease But it still hurts like the first night That night my brother, my mother and I Were looking up at a distant star And wishing we could reach that far And back in the house And alone for the first time We told each other we cared We avoided my father's chair I watch my family, we hold on We are strong and we'll be alright The clock continues counting down, All the while And every child will share the long night But do the spirits meet again Why am I still so filled with doubt Is my soul everlasting And the far distant future When I knew you'd be gone Came too fast and stays too long Why do they leave the weak of spirit And take the strong But wherein the world turns sour And I get sick from the smell And I can't find no comfort there I cl...

OK a few memories to round out my day. Rain- I close my eyes and listen to it and I am back out the mountain listening to rain hit the tin roof. It was gentle, soothing, and at times deafening. It was sweet and I dont know anywhere else we will ever hear rain THAT way. The smell of rain, I can close my eyes and smell rain and it brings me back to my childhood in NJ. I had my bed right next to the wall and I could curl around my bed so that my head was right under the open window. As it rained it would mist through the screen and land on my face. The smell was always a mix of fresh rain and aluminum. Yes aluminum. The smell of the wet screen, just the thought of that smell brings me comfort. The sound of thunder. It can bring me to the farm living with Tim and the girls. we would sit in the family room with the back door open and listen to the thunder almost surround the farm. Thunder out the mountain with my Pop on the porch. We would watch and wait for the storm to arrive an...

I wish I had the passion for the whole Blog thing again. I dont what happened but it is gone. I think of things to write about and then lose the umphh to get it going. Here are a few of the ideas Ive had but cant seem to get them off the ground. 1. My obsession with what I wore to every occasion demanding to dress "up" I want to list the even and then recite the dress that I wore to each event, (exciting huh?) 2. If I had a million dollars what would I buy? 3. The thing that made me laugh the hardest this week was? 4. The reason I wanted to take the bridge this week was? 5. I think fresh air is the greatest invention since... fresh air. 6. When someone tells you "You wont beleive this?" and you guess it before they start talking. 7. When I am lecturing and people whisper or talk to themselves, pick their nose, scratch their private areas, HELLO IM IN THE FRONT OF THE ROOM I SEE EVERYTHING YOU BUTTHEAD! 8. How when I see movies like, Blues broth...

I am going to say it out loud right here and now. Jack has been diagnosed with ADD ADHD. SO there. Its out. He was evaluated again, by a child psychologist and he fit the criteria. So now what. So now we stick to a plan of attack and get this boy on a healthy path to coping with these symptoms. As we google the hell out of this we are finding that there is a way to get through this. It wont always be easy but we will make sure this boy grows to be the man he was intended to be. In the process we have applied for the assistance of a TSS worker. This is Therapeutic Staff Support. A person that will attend class with Jack and be his own little helper. Help him with any of the times he may have episodes of needing to focus they will be there to teach him how to cope with these symptoms. The plan is two years of intensive TSS and therapy at home we will get him through this. A few short words to start this adventure. A few short words to express my feelings of Jack Having a "DIAG...

On Letting Go author unknown To "let go" does not mean to stop caring. It means I can't do it for someone else. To "let go" is not to cut myself off. It's the realization that I can't control another. To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another. It's to make the most of myself. To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about. To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive. To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To "let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies. To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept. To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to ...

I WROTE THIS ABOUT MYSELF ABOUT A YEAR AGO. I WAS ATTEMPTING TO START A NEW BLOG WHICH NEVER KICKED OFF. I AM KINDA FUNNY. IT IS STILL ALL TRUE, WHICH IS KINDA SAD. I am a 43 year old wife/mother/nurse and hoochie mama as my husband loves to call me. I blog for cathartic reward. I read other blogs for insight into my own life. I have a 20 year old daughter, and 18 year old daughter and three year old son. This combination assuredly qualifies me for some amount of respect, if not a few warmhearted chuckles sent my way. I survived a massive heart attack after the birth of our son at the age of 39. I am in a daily struggle with my mortality and my wish for some really good cake without fat, cholesterol, or calories. The treadmill, albeit a lifeline to surviving heart disease is at this moment my nemesis. My motivation to keep it together happens to be the very things that challenge my sanilty. My beautiful, loving, funny, family. They are beyond what makes me tick, they are my clo...

Am I the only one that looks at photos and totally investigates backgrounds? I check out what is ont he floor behind the subjects, clocks, tabletops, shoes, feet, are the shirts buttoned? What is on their dressers? Are there dishes in their sinks in that picture? Also have you ever wondered what its like to live in someone elses house.? Well here is a quick look at my house at bedtime. only thing missing is JAcks LOUD VOICE!!!!

I had a lovely day with the girls and Timmy yesterday taking Missi to college. Really I was reminded of the good things about my ex husband. He is a safe driver, I never worry about an accident. He remembers everything I do. The kids, vacations, people and old friends. That is cool since Andy hasnt been around for all that stuff. So I must admit I was feeling a bit more nostalgic last night than is comfortable. It wasn't until tonight when Allie brought up one of the conversations we had in the car that I suddenly felt catapulted back to the days of being married to that man. In the car he asked Allie in some way whether she asks Kendall everyday "a thousand times a day" whether or not he loves her? I used to do this. He "explained" to her how when someone asks for love and attention you feel pressured to give it to them so then .... YOU DONT WANT TO. He told her that if you marry or are with someone that loves you more than you love them it can be quite ...

You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. Kahlil Gibran Today was one of those days. I am writing it now so that someday we can all look back and realize that THIS DAY- was ONE of THOSE DAYS. I gave today. I gave alot today- and it was all given freely with LOVE in my heart. I Left my beauty somewhere else today. If she were to come home right now, she will have been changed for the experience of having us drive away. And I am, happy. I am crying tears of change and self doubt, but they are more tears of pride and relief. I am so proud of my Missi for being so determined to DO THIS. I doubted her for her quest to "DO ART". I worried that her drawing and creativity was going to distract her from the real works of life. Math, science, english. She did those tasks but her joy has always been ART. HER OWN ART. I am inspired by her ART, her CREATION. More than that I am so proud that her professors saw great thin...

hold on to me.. Hold to me sweet child Hold to momma's skirt. stay under my shelter dont leave my guard Im too scared to open the gate. As I see your dreams behind your eyes You want to reach to further skies, "you belong to me, along my side, You cant go I will decide." I cant decide, I must subside, Let her fly, let her fly. Be gentle world, To my sweet girl, My sweet girl, my sweet girl. Give her vision of her place in life, Give her courage to survive her strife, Give her patience to achieve her goals, Give me courage to let her go to let her go to let her go

Stole the virginity thing for my friend T. I thought it was funny. Our beloved cat Pippa returned home. I am happy for that. The two cats that she left behind are not happy she is home. They are pissing everywhere in a urine fueled standoff. "get rid of the hussy cat that left us or we piss on the laundry AGAIN!" I am contemplating opening the doors "BY ACCIDENT" and letting the F'ing pissers out. Just sayin' If I were so inclined. Why did I ever agree tot he cat thing anyway. I hate cats. They suck. And piss. Did I tell you Jack is signed up and all set to attend Pre-K? Yup its official he will be starting sept 7th. 7:50 in the am. at 7:51 I will be sitting in my care either crying tears of Joy and Liberation... Or tears of.... Joy and Liberation!!! I am slightly looking forward to going into the bathroom without the reminiscent "HEY MAAAA are you doing a POOOOOOP or a PEEEEEE!?" MAAAAA! Or my all time favorite.. Me "JAck watcha doing?...

Andy and I are lying here on the bed talking about getting to sleep. We moved our bedroom around in the spring and if you havent been here this is what we did. Since we have an atrium in the bedroom we have a five large window end to the room. Very victorian in design, very very light filled in the am. The tops of our heads are facing almost perfectly East. If I open my eyes at the right time int he am I can see the sun rise. (If I roll over and look out the window which is eyelevel.) That said, we now have been sleeping with the windows open every night, which is heavenly for me. Adoring the night sounds, crickets, birds of every sound, cats having rages in the neighbors yard. We have very few cars at night since the end of our road is the END OF THE ROAD. I have not put curtains on these windows because NOTHING WORKS FOR ME. So we are left with a few thoughts tonight. 1. Drivers on the Crossvalley if they so desire can look into our windows and see us. (If they have vision th...

I posted a few songs that are important to me concerning my Missi girl. To show you how quick the time has gone since my Missi came into this world. The song Tears in heaven came out the week she was born. I remember she was sick when she was born and was transported to CMC from East Stroudsburg for the nearest NICU. I had to remain in PMC since I was spiking a temp following the c section. I only saw her for a moment and touched her little hand through the incubator glass. Tim followed behind the ambulance, and my Dad met her in Scranton. My Mom remained at our home with Allie who was barely two. I remember calling the nicu and asking the nurses how she was. "She is a fighter and should be off the ventilator before too long." "She is itty bitty but a tough little thing" She stayed there for a 8 days and then we brought her home. She weighed 5 pounds that day. As much as a sack of sugar. I think of that when I buy sugar to this day. I remember being in the ...

Corinthians 13:12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. I have so many memories, I believe them memories anyway, from this date fie years ago. Even if they are just imaginations of a drug induced coma and/or mind farts of desperation, I need to go with it. I recall a "knowing". I recall a waking period of time when the ways of the world and reasons for things happening seemed so clear. I had the idea that "Oh that makes sense." "Hmm why didnt I think of that." The visions or experience I had of people that had died visiting me, seemed so real. I recall a sensation of SMELLING my Pop. BEING at the cottage. FEELING safe, LOVED, cared for. It wasn't until I was close to waking that I recall pain (physical pain) worry, and fear. Of course doubters can say drugs...

I remember about ten years ago telling someone that I felt like I was in a minefield and everyone else I knew was stepping on mines, besides me. My friends father had died, someone had breast cancer, siblings were in serious car accidents, babies born with defects. These things never affected me or my family. But always felting pending doom, or a "knowing" that my time would come to grieve, panic, cry. It was during that time in my life that I made things harder for myself. I asked for drama, looked for it actually. I was "bored" and needed to "feel" something. So I tiptoed through places I shouldn't have been, and did a few things that I am not proud of. That said. I am who I am because of these experiences. I took a quiet predictable life and ground as a pepper grinder and turned it into "something else". I never anticipated life making MY LIFE the experience it has been since those days. I was a semi spoiled, overly confident, infant....

Andy's 25 year reunion. Labor Day weekend. His reunion is a family event picnic, but few of his buddies are bringing their families so I am OFF THE HOOK! I wouldnt mind going with him but it is labor day weekend and we all know where I will be. My nephew will be home on a short leave so I will be out the mountain and at Bens Birthday party. Now I met with my pal Joann last night and she was remarking a bit about her reunion not too long ago. She mentioned something about a few of the guests "MATING" following the event. Yeah well my husband is going and there will be no mating going on thank you very much. I am confident he doesn't want to MATE with anyone else. My concern is as usual women that love to mate with other womens MATES. So to all the women out there that think Andy is so handsome and sweet and considerate. He is all those things. But guess what... You dont want him. Unless you want an orange vibe driving through the middle of your living room. Love to...

I really like people watching- any people, anywhere. I like a cold nose under a warm blanket. I need a blanket even if its hot out. I cant sleep naked- through the night, I am naked periodically through the night. My clothes begin on/or off, then at some point get off or on. I wake typically the opposite of what I went to bed as. (Ask my husband how this happens.) My lips are hugely kissable, been told by several people. The smell of Jacks neck while he sleeps. Missi's hair as it is int he morning all long and wavy and thick, Defined as BEDHEAD BEAUTIFUL Allie when she comes into a room after not seeing her for a while. She changes things, just about everything with her spirit. Since moving our bed into the circle of windows, it sounds and feels as if we sleep outside. I love my husbands big hands, His tenacity, his big heart for the people he loves, and especially how much he loves our boy. I dont love it now but will someday love how jack gets into our bed EVERYmorning. I do...

Andy, Jack and I went to the beach. We left 7ish on Sunday morning and were ont he beach by 11. It was a beautiful day and the boy hasnt been in a few years and it was a cheap treat for all of us. We drove, chatted, listened to Jacks movies playing on the mini dvd player in the back. I reminisced about trips of years before with the girls and Tim. Interestingly enough Andy doesnt mind the Timmy stories. Driving on the 4th of July to the beach with our two children and two of my cousins for a week at the beach. Bumper to bumper 8 hr drive. argggh. Anywho, we went directly to the beach and jack loved the sand. He dug rivers and holes and filled with water then watched it drain. He was the most beautiful child there. I must admit though I didnt realize the extent of his speech difficulties until several children and adults looked at him like he was speaking another language. One occasion especially a mother said "what" "What did he say?" about four times. I und...

Something you should know about When I Look To The Sky Lyrics Title: Train - When I Look To The Sky lyrics Artist: Train Lyrics Visitors: 14817 visitors have hited When I Look To The Sky Lyrics since June 03, 2010. Play When I Look To The Sky Listen to Train songs for free! toolbar.inbox.com When I Look To The Sky Lyrics All Train Lyrics from largest lyric site on the net! best-song-lyrics.com Ads by ClickFuse Send "When I Look To The Sky" Ringtone to Mobile [Verse 1] When it rains it pours and opens doors And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love That have to say goodbye [Chorus:] And as I float along this ocean I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me And you make everything alright And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me And I can always find my way...

I am full of things in my head. Jam packed full of things that need to be done. Missi's big graduation bask is this sunday, and estimated 75 bodies will be passing though the yard! I am excited, yet as always nervous of glitches. My Mom and her infinite wisdom has thought out all the details with me and we have it. Now just get my house cleaned to the Hilton standards and we are golden. Allie will be 21 tomorrow. She and I went to Jon Mayer concert over the weekend and truly I am in Love with both John mayer and Allison Elizabeth Faith B. We chatted, sang, danced, laughed, and had a great time. She is probably my favorite person to hang with. Missi had to work but understood. She is going on a little holiday with ehr BF and his family to inner harbor this week. SHe cant wait and I am totally happy for her. Then ALlie starts her traveling month of August before Nursing school starts. Florida for a week, then directly to Vegas for three days. Home for two then to Scottsdale to visi...

I am not much of a talker, I am a writer. So those thoughts that everyone has and divulges to that one person that they trust, well I hold it in then put it out there for blogdom. Good, bad whatever it is out and I usually feel better. Today , I feel better. Spent the day with my boy and he was excellent. truly the best. Went to school this am and got a good report. We found a frog in the yard and made it a habitat in a huge mason jar. He named it "Jackie, a girl frog" Not just jackie but the whole thing, jackie a girl frog. We went to the library he was great. He had to sign his name for the first time officially. He signed with some assistance. He is a library card holder, a true American!!! So for posterity, July 20 2010 Jack J T put his signature to paper, it will be a collectible someday-mark my words. He carried his notebook with him today marking off the list the things we got done. Bank-check Nana's- check Library- check Chicken and fries from BK-check Pick up ...

Irish Blessing Death is nothing at all I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I and you are you. Whatever we were to each other-that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used, put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. pray, smile, think of me, pray for me Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort without the trace of a shadow in it. Life means all that it ever meant, it is the same as it ever was. There is unbroken continuity why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you somewhere very near just around the corner. All is well. Obviously that was for Dad. Four years ago today he had his catheterization done. I think my dates are right. What does that mean now? Not too much really. I can go back in my mind and try to remember details but you ...

My newborn son with his exhausted daddy. Beautiful light on Allie, I swore it was my Dad watching over her. Missi with the smile and face of an angel. Me after surgery admiring my miracle boy through brand new eyes. My boy with shaving cream on his face with the world in his eyes. I was browsing my blog for the year following my Dads death because we are quickly approaching another anniversary. i am forgetting alot. I sometimes want to feel that pain again so it doesnt feel so long ago. I feel like I need to be punished for letting him go. I still wonder "How did this happen??????" I wonder if the bad things that happen now are my punishment for screwing up Dads post surgical care. Not paying attention. Was I sleeping? Where was my head? Why cant I go back and change things? Just one minute? Anyway. You will have to bear with me the next few weeks as I torture myself again. maybe someday I can let it go, but, not this year. PS My son still doesnt have a grandfather...

Thats all, Im ready to wake up now, Im not enjoying this part of the trip.

Yeah thats me. Im totally skewered. Shish kabob like. I am torn right through my middle with about ten different people that just cut right through me. Jack is at an all time high for driving me crazy. I am torn between thinking he is magically delicious and pathologically demented. I got a call from his teacher today but didnt know it until 8 at night, so I am of course stressing about the topic of this phone call in the am. It could go anywhere from aggressive behavior, ocd behaviors, add adhd or just plain JACKism's. I am so afraid to see him grow up. If he is what keeps me up at night with anxiety what will 15 look like? Missi will be leaving for college in a few weeks. She isnt fussing at all about it. I am not thinking about it too much since "the boy" is up my ass every hour he is awake. She is the child that doesnt ask for anything, but also waits until the last minute for things she NEEDS. Allie is fine and working awaiting anxiously the beginning o fher n...

1. I’ve come to realize that my chest-size… insanely huge with its own zip code 2. I’ve come to realize that my job… means alot to other people but losing its appeal for me. 3. I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving… I am getting places without memory of the trip. 4. I’ve come to realize that I need… a soundproof booth. 5. I’ve come to realize that I have lost… alot- but nothing that cant be reasoned away. 6. I’ve come to realize that I hate… not having control. 7. I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk… I surely had vodka! 8. I’ve come to realize that money… is always someone elses. 9. I’ve come to realize that certain people… deserve better, others deserve nothing 10. I’ve come to realize that I’ll always… wish it were different. 11. I’ve come to realize that my sibling(s)… make me grateful. 12. I’ve come to realize that my mom… is irreplaceable. 13. I’ve come to realize that my cell phone… is just a portable phone to me. 14. I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning…...