Me, Dad and Jack.

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Irish Blessing
Death is nothing at all I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I and you are you. Whatever we were to each other-that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used, put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. pray, smile, think of me, pray for me Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort without the trace of a shadow in it. Life means all that it ever meant, it is the same as it ever was. There is unbroken continuity why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you somewhere very near just around the corner. All is well.

Obviously that was for Dad. Four years ago today he had his catheterization done. I think my dates are right. What does that mean now? Not too much really. I can go back in my mind and try to remember details but you know what? Its still the same. same story, same outcome, same scar that gets reopened to reveal broken questions. I can think back to happy things, better times. That seems to be the answer doesnt it.?
Let it go, Let him go, Let yourself go.
Time heals all wounds. I am healing, just in time.
My boy is so beautiful. I love him when he rolls over to me tonight and tells me he loves me.
I cant help but wonder where this journey is going to take us. The Jack journey has been momentous from the first minute.
I have moments when I think about what my life would be without him?
Quiet, predictable, easy, I most likely would not have been with Andy. I can say at times I would like to visit that life. Especially when Jack is being his most difficult.
Thinking about what might have been doesnt help me now.
What I should have done, but didn't, changes nothing.

My life seems to run along similar lines doesnt it?
What I should have done versus what I did?

I cant leave this life because I cant leave Jack without his Mother at this point. He needs me, and certainly I cant leave my family with Jack without me
Its what we call "pleasant acceptance".

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