my loves...
I have always loved this osng. Everyday that passes makes me love my babes even more. If its even possible. I have been struggling with the inability to control things in my life. I want people, places, expereinces, feelings to all be the way I want them to be. Pretty sure thats normal, but I am used to being able to do that! whether its by design or just will! Now that I am getting older I find that I'm not always in control anymore. I have to "Let go and let God." Yeah sounds great when you tell it to someone else but ... I dont like it now for myself. I dont want to "LET GO" No. I cant. I have overwhelming anxiety, like a voice in my head telling me "Screw it, youre dead soon anyway." Then my heart kicks inand says "What about my babes, Jack especially, and baby Owen? AM I irreplaceable? Can I just WANT them to get over me quickly and find the new normal?" Isn't this a description of the saddest Martyr ever? I...