Im ready
I am ready for spring. I want my flowers to poke on through to life above ground. I so anticipate the flowers I planted after my Fathers death to spring to life. Symbolism for me to believe that life goes on. I have some bitterness towards the establishment, I need to blame someone for Pops death. I am analytical as that. Answers to how and why are toruring me at night. How did I miss this? How could I let him go? Where did it all go wrong? Mom and I went and pu the request in for Pops medical records for the time in the hospital til his death. I so want to sit and read through the whole thing. In my anticipatory state I hope to find a Dr signature that says "I F'ed up today and now this wonderful man is going to die and it is NOT HIS DAUGHTERS FAULT FOR NOT PAYING ATTENTION AND FOR NOT TAKING THIS SURGERY SERIOUSLY ENOUGH>" I dont think that will happen. I promised my dad that I would not let anything happen tohim, I did. He is now dust in a box in my Moms bed...