Ok to the truth....
My Dad is dead. truly gone and not coming back whether it is one year to the day or twenty. I want to have FAITH. Faith is supposed to be where you believe in something without needing actual proof. Do I have FAITH in the idea that I will someday see my Dad again and hear him say tha he forgives me for whatever I may have done wrong in his care. My family has all reassured me that I did everything right. I did all the checks and balances I was capable of at the time. I think I knew he wouldnt survive. I remember my mom calling and saying dad had a slight heart attack but was fine and just sitting in the er waiting to go home. I left my house and told Andy I am not ready to lose him. How the whole thing fell apart before my eyes is incomprehendible at times. I have had moments in the past year when I have had thoughts of his death and it takes my breath away. Far from awestruck but mortified. He lay there when the nurse and I took the breathing tube out. I wiped his face and mouth...