Whiteout, sweat problems, and my flute.
Just spit it out... really spit IT OUT!
Allie was a junior in HS. She was taking a test and had her new fancy pen hanging from the corner of her mouth. She had wanted a pen with "whiteout" in the cap. So when she needed to whiteout any of her work, whola!! She could WHITE IT OUT!
Well anyway , she was taking her test chewing ont he end of her pen, yup the whiteout side.
The cap cracked and the whoteout exploded in her mouth. The whole amount in her mouth.
So what does an intelligent, child of a nurse do?
hmm. quickly run to the garbage can and spit out the toxic glue/paint product?
No, she swallowed it.
She swallowed it.
All of it.
Then sat there with her esophagus burning.
Why? Because she didnt want people to see her with a mouthful of whiteout, then spit it out IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!!!
"I couldn't Mom, They would all laugh at me and it would be everywhere, so I swallowed it.
Five minutes into the test she realized she was feeling sick and went to the nurse.
Who then notified me, the local poison control cnter, and the national poison control center.
Who told that we had to watch her for 72 hours for side effects such as brain damage, sleepiness, vomiting, blood in the stool, cramping of the skeletal muscles, confusion, just to name a few.
Well luckily none of these mind boggling things occurred.
This is a funny story.
But then again it is a very telling tale of LIFE in general.
Just spit it out if it is going to hurt you.
Get rid of it, cut it loose, let it go.
The things that seem so unbearable right now are truly never as bad as we anticipate them in real life.
That is not to say that life is not uncomfortable at times,but really, are the things that scare us truly the end of the world?
I can say that the events in my life that WERE TRULY HORRIBLE-were remarkable.
Death of my Father.
Near death experience.
Death of one of my best friends.
My divorce.
All the other 1000's of events that caused me sleepless nights, fear, worry were just in retrospect... events. Events that make life what it is.
We all have em.
They are what makes us, interesting.
So in memory, and in honor of my numerous "Just spit it out" moments, I will reflect on a few. and let them go.
My sweating problem that consumed me for twenty years.
I could perspire through clothes in a few short minutes.
My sweating was a direct result of my anxiety, which was a direct result of my sweating. see a pattern. When I realized I couldnt wear anything silky, and would greatly benefit from just wearing sleeveless clothes, I stopped sweating.
I hated playing the flute.
My parents were paying for it, monthly installments Im sure with money they didnt have.
I was the worst at it because I didnt practice, I didnt practice because I sucked at it.
I didnt go to band practice at school because they would know I sucked.
I avoided the music teacher through he whole year until the end of the spring when the concert was due. I showed up for the concert, the band teacher looked at me and let me get on stage. I took the last chair of flutes.
As the concert begins the band stands as the conductor takes the stage.
I followed everyone else on this cue since I had no idea what to do, never been to a single practice.
We all stood beaming as the conductor bowed to the audience, then turned to us and motioned us to sit.
Hmm not so tough, I sat.
I sat ON MY FLUTE.
I had left it on the chair during the applause, applause.
I picked it out from under my ass, and the damn thing was bent into a V.
I couldnt help but think, I spent an entire school year trying to get away form this fu*(ing flute and now I am at the precipice and have to PRETEND to play a BENT FLUTE!!! People will see its bent.
It will sond worse than it has sounded all along.
I cant even breath near the thing because the sound coming out is so flat and loud I am screwing up the entire orchestra.
I FAKED IT.
I FAKED FINGERS, I FAKED BREATHING,
I FAKED PASSION.
I FAKED RELIEF AT THE END OF EVERY SONG.
I WAS EVEN ABLE TO FAKE PRIDE AT THE END OF THE FIVE SONGS I GOT THROUGH.
OK long about the bend here I promise to land this plane.
Rule 1: Spit it out, if it is going to kill you get rid of it.
Rule 2: Sometimes acceptance is the answer.
Rule 3: Faking it.. gets really boring and you forget what its like to really FEEL something. Be bored, be lonely, be unhappy- then get over it. Dont fake being something your not.
People can see right through it.
especially when your flute is bent.
Love to all.
Allie was a junior in HS. She was taking a test and had her new fancy pen hanging from the corner of her mouth. She had wanted a pen with "whiteout" in the cap. So when she needed to whiteout any of her work, whola!! She could WHITE IT OUT!
Well anyway , she was taking her test chewing ont he end of her pen, yup the whiteout side.
The cap cracked and the whoteout exploded in her mouth. The whole amount in her mouth.
So what does an intelligent, child of a nurse do?
hmm. quickly run to the garbage can and spit out the toxic glue/paint product?
No, she swallowed it.
She swallowed it.
All of it.
Then sat there with her esophagus burning.
Why? Because she didnt want people to see her with a mouthful of whiteout, then spit it out IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!!!
"I couldn't Mom, They would all laugh at me and it would be everywhere, so I swallowed it.
Five minutes into the test she realized she was feeling sick and went to the nurse.
Who then notified me, the local poison control cnter, and the national poison control center.
Who told that we had to watch her for 72 hours for side effects such as brain damage, sleepiness, vomiting, blood in the stool, cramping of the skeletal muscles, confusion, just to name a few.
Well luckily none of these mind boggling things occurred.
This is a funny story.
But then again it is a very telling tale of LIFE in general.
Just spit it out if it is going to hurt you.
Get rid of it, cut it loose, let it go.
The things that seem so unbearable right now are truly never as bad as we anticipate them in real life.
That is not to say that life is not uncomfortable at times,but really, are the things that scare us truly the end of the world?
I can say that the events in my life that WERE TRULY HORRIBLE-were remarkable.
Death of my Father.
Near death experience.
Death of one of my best friends.
My divorce.
All the other 1000's of events that caused me sleepless nights, fear, worry were just in retrospect... events. Events that make life what it is.
We all have em.
They are what makes us, interesting.
So in memory, and in honor of my numerous "Just spit it out" moments, I will reflect on a few. and let them go.
My sweating problem that consumed me for twenty years.
I could perspire through clothes in a few short minutes.
My sweating was a direct result of my anxiety, which was a direct result of my sweating. see a pattern. When I realized I couldnt wear anything silky, and would greatly benefit from just wearing sleeveless clothes, I stopped sweating.
I hated playing the flute.
My parents were paying for it, monthly installments Im sure with money they didnt have.
I was the worst at it because I didnt practice, I didnt practice because I sucked at it.
I didnt go to band practice at school because they would know I sucked.
I avoided the music teacher through he whole year until the end of the spring when the concert was due. I showed up for the concert, the band teacher looked at me and let me get on stage. I took the last chair of flutes.
As the concert begins the band stands as the conductor takes the stage.
I followed everyone else on this cue since I had no idea what to do, never been to a single practice.
We all stood beaming as the conductor bowed to the audience, then turned to us and motioned us to sit.
Hmm not so tough, I sat.
I sat ON MY FLUTE.
I had left it on the chair during the applause, applause.
I picked it out from under my ass, and the damn thing was bent into a V.
I couldnt help but think, I spent an entire school year trying to get away form this fu*(ing flute and now I am at the precipice and have to PRETEND to play a BENT FLUTE!!! People will see its bent.
It will sond worse than it has sounded all along.
I cant even breath near the thing because the sound coming out is so flat and loud I am screwing up the entire orchestra.
I FAKED IT.
I FAKED FINGERS, I FAKED BREATHING,
I FAKED PASSION.
I FAKED RELIEF AT THE END OF EVERY SONG.
I WAS EVEN ABLE TO FAKE PRIDE AT THE END OF THE FIVE SONGS I GOT THROUGH.
OK long about the bend here I promise to land this plane.
Rule 1: Spit it out, if it is going to kill you get rid of it.
Rule 2: Sometimes acceptance is the answer.
Rule 3: Faking it.. gets really boring and you forget what its like to really FEEL something. Be bored, be lonely, be unhappy- then get over it. Dont fake being something your not.
People can see right through it.
especially when your flute is bent.
Love to all.
Comments