Flaming June's Love

OK here are the pics from ALlies camera from last weekend. Joe Allies best friend for many years was in his homecoming court this weekend. I am so very proud of him. His dad died about 7 years ago in a terrible frak accdient and he is turning out ok. I Love him as one of my own. I have visions of Allie and he getting married someday. But who knows what that really means. I just know I love him as if he were my own and that is good enough for me. The last pic is Jack this weekend with my Mom. I dont know what to say about her. This is a woman that raised four children and married to the same man for 47 years- happily. I cant pull my head out of my ass long enough to be grateful and she is still taking care of us. My brother is .. O)H fuck it I dont have the energy to talk about it. Just simple I think wake up. The pic of Joe and allie working at the new house sanding the first of seventy fucking million coats of primer. They are happy and I love them

I have no right to feel sad or sorry for myself. I have "everything". I am very very fortunate yet I have periods of overwhelming sadness. I dont know if I am clinically depressed or going through menopause or just dumb. I am fighting it really hard but at least three times a day want to just cry. Song on the radio, people in cars. I cant put my finger on what exactly it is. anyway, I have some really good people in my life that have dropped me notes and such with words of love and appreciation. I still cant find my camera and I am truly hurting from it. I am supposed to go to the SYTYCD show on Friday but I have come to the conclusion that I dont really want to go. It is a long ride in the car late at night and I know that ALlie has friends coming in for th weekend and she wants to be with them. I dont want to be anywhere.