Flaming June's Love

"Brave" You can be amazing You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug You can be the outcast Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love Or you can start speaking up Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do When they settle ‘neath your skin Kept on the inside and no sunlight Sometimes a shadow wins But I wonder what would happen if you Say what you wanna say And let the words fall out Honestly I wanna see you be brave With what you want to say And let the words fall out Honestly I wanna see you be brave Everybody’s been there, Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy Fallen for the fear And done some disappearing, Bow down to the mighty Don’t run, stop holding your tongue Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live Maybe one of these days you can let the light in Show me how big your brave is And since your history of silence Won’t do you any good, Did you think it would? Let your words be anything but empty Why don’t...

My two boys are CONSTANTLY on the go.  Andy is either at work, soccer, borough building, fire calls, or one of the apartments.  I am accustomed to it, and wactually LIKE when he is busy so I can do my thing.  Our boy Jack is very much the same way.  He is an on the go  kind of kid.  When they do stop, I like to catch it.  The first is Andy sleeping in the lounger out the mountain on Labor day.  Yes he sleeps like that.  He looks like hes ready to jump  up and do something.  ALL THE TIME.  The next is when Jack slowed down enough over that day to realize Daddy had stopped, then he landed on him.  Just like this,, underwear hanging out of his camo shorts. The last is one evening this summer, the boy fell asleep early all snuggled up and Daddy decided he looks cozy, and FELL ASLEEP WITH HIM!!!  perfect. I like these pictures, my boys,quiet. resting, peaceful.. QUIET. quiet. Ramping up for Autumn. Feeling ve...

Every leaf speaks bliss to me, Fluttering from the autumn tree. Emily Bronte Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold, Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay. Robert Frost Nothing Gold Can Stay. This leaf I picked up out the mountain over labor day weekend.  I have it on the hood of our car, I didnt intend for it to turn out so cool looking with the reflection, but it is pretty. What can i say about the fall?  It seems like more of a new begining to me than new years eve. Restart of school for everyone. Myself, a new semester, Missi starting her lat semester of in class at LCCC until she begins her internship in January. Jack begining second grade which has been really good so far.  Soccer games, started karate with the boy. I like the rebirth of spring, but there is something to be said about shedding what we have, to be left ...

 This is Allies 10th Birthday, in the top photo.  Missi is 8.  The same age that Jack is now.  The bottom photo is on our bike trip to Lehigh Gorge, the first summer I was with Andy.  They were 12 and 10.   This is Missis 8th grade graduation.  I bought her dress with modesty in mind since she was in EIGHTH GRADE!  The other girls looked 20.  Not our girl.  Most beautiful girl there.  Here is our Bitty looking so much like Allie  She was a Junior in HS.  Allie her senior year, Cheerleading best friend Kellie.  Kellie is now an anchor woman in Ithaca NY. Jack and MaryJane, today.  What will we say about this picture 10 years from now? 15? 20? I can look back on photos of the girls and remember the day they were taken, smell the fall air of Allies cheering days.  The spring flowers of Missis graduation from Saint Nicks school.  Even down to the clothes they are wearing in some of the p...

For Terry I I have known Sandy for 15 years.  When we met we were both instructors at a little school in Edwardsville.  She was divorced and had a young son.  He was about 15 when we met.  Handsome, tall, and had two different color eyes.  One was a crazy green the other blue.I remember he would come into school when he reached his late teens and visit his Mom, she would show him off, and he loved it. He obviously adored his Mom.   He was charming.  For a young man he could talk to anyone, had a contagious smile and could make you feel comfortable. He joined the marines right out of HS.  Spent a few years in the Corp and then returned home and got in  the Union as a pipe fitter.  We crossed paths again when he began dating one of my good friends.  He was now in his early twenties and we actually went out all together a few times.  Now he was grown up and I found out just what a super guy he was.   He...

This is my girl Allie at the John Mayer concert.  We were in the first row of the second section.  We had good seats, not first row, but good seats.  I have loved John Mayers music since Allie and her friends introduced him to me when they were in HS.  I spent a lot of time singing along with him, in my kitchen on Gardner ave, in my car, on my earphones and plenty of time with HIM in this house.  Ive cried along, smiled, sung my heart out. What is it about him that I love?  He is an honest writer.  AND He makes truly BIG MISTAKES. He had a few years of talking about things he shouldnt, old girlfriends and things.  He got alot of bad press which he deserved. I love that about him.  I had some tough years of saying things I shouldnt say, then.... I SHUT UP. So did he. SO far. hahaha As of today he if still goofy, super smart, deep deep deep and apparently changed. Grown up. A bit. Anyway, the beautiful girl, yeah she is my girl. My ...

Just finished up our annual Labor Day weekend celebration at the "mountain". Those who aren't in the know, the mountain is both a place and a frame of mind.  As you can see from Jack and his Nana, THIS IS THE MOUNTAIN.  Lets go back. The way I understand it, my Grandfather, his brother in laws after world war II came home and somehow acquired this patch of land in bear creek.  Not on a lake, not ON a mountain, no significant patch of beauty, but a piece of land that they decided to turn into a haven. They built four homes.  All the homes each belonging to one of the Burke sisters.  and their families.  The fourth belonged to my Grandfathers sister and her husband.  Adeline and Bud. So these men, hand built these homes.  Pieces from other houses torn down, scavenged tubs, windows, sinks, to create... Our mountain. I rememebre as a young child spending my summers there.  Our house, was Adeline and Buds house.  My Mom and Dad...

Summer 2013.  Sara and I have been talking and planning this summer all last winter.  Now e are here and it is almost over.  It was a successful summer.  Here are a few pictures to give you all an idea of the few things we were up to.  Went to Knoebels. Spent alot of time at the FF pool. Best summer tan EVER. Went to Baltimore for the Fourth of July, went to Dap where Andys paycheck comes from.  Saw fireworks, went to the Aquarium and had some good food. Jack delivered the flowers at the fourth of July Memorial in Wyoming.  That was great, he looked a million bucks with his seersucker suit. We went to Fla.  Witht he family.  It was nice.  The beach and ocean were beautiful and jack loved the ocean.  Allie and Ryan came down for two days and that was a highlight.  Jack fed fish, went to a childrens museun and made some friends at the pool and ocean.  Flights were fine and we survived it all. ...

My date of birth, 47 years ago today I came into this world, to my Mom and Dad.  After three boys in 6years.... This bundle of pink was a pleasant surprise. Today was an excellent day.  It was Jacks last day of FIRST GRADE.  After the trials and tribulations, WE MADE IT THROUGH. I would say it was an80% -20% year.  The majority-unremarkable and quit tolerable..  But that 20!!! He certainly had his tough days.   Which in turn were my tough days. BUT here we are report card of all Bs and Bplus's... We are happy, satisfied and ready to wind down for the summer. No camp for Jack this year, we are doing the Mommy Jack and friends summer plan.!! We ar going to swim at the FF pool, we are going to visit our Nanas pool take day trips to cool adventure places and enjoy each others company. Today was a great day- My birthday, the last day of school and the school trip to Knoebles grove. Jack loved it, he was a great boy and we LOVED watching him interact...

I was just reading a fellow bloggers take on being and having a sister.  I am a sister but don't have one. When I was pregnant with Allie I prayed for a girl.  Tim used to yell at me saying I was junxing him with girls.  I always wanted two girls.  When they were little they shared a room.   From the day missi came home from the hospital they shared a room.  I rememebr telling Allie to whisper her dreams because he "Baby" was in the crib.  She would hold her and feed her and look at her lying in her playpen. Interestingly enough they were never much for "playing" together, Allie wasnt a play kind of kid.  Missi did all the playing and Allie did all the watching.  Mothering. They had seperate beds but shared a room until 1999.  Thats when we bought the  house at 102 Gardner.  allies room was 8x8.  A closet in most homes.  Missi room was the nursery, larger but attached to the mster bedroom by a door, wh...

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. C. Northcote Parkinson Had a lovely weekend with the gals from AMSON.  There was alot of chat, and memories and current thiggngs in everyones lives.  It was all good. What I found, personally was, how fat I am compared to the rest of the gals. How is it that I am the one with 8 years post bypass heart surgery, poor cardiac output, high risk for repeat fatal MI, and I am the fattest one here>? How does it happen that the snacks are out and I am eating all of them as if I am having a TREAT, when OBVIOUSLY these ar items I take part in often. Was everyone bikini ready?  absolutely not..but we are 47, 48 year old women, and thats ok. But really, I was walking on the beach and short of breath from the sand and carrying my beach chair. Why do I continure these poor choices?  I have glimpses of knowing that I am going to die prematurely form Heart disease.  I know that.  But if you give someone opportunities that h...

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future." -Oscar Wilde Someone is asking questions.  Or hypothetically I am anticipating someone asking questions about me, my past, my choices to act...or not to act. Why would anyone other than my immediate family really care?  I don't think they will. But I still have to wonder... If "people" brought you into the public eye, even for a few minutes could you pass the scrutiny of critics? Andy has won the Republican nomination for Mayor in our little town.  This is both exciting and terrifying in Suzie world. I was firmly, unequivocaly against the idea. I am a private person, I like my "bubble" to be small and tight. Now our bubble will be "public domain" because of Andys desire to serve this community. Yeah yeah yeah, its an honorable undertaking, since he has true intentions and ideas to help the town. But what about the rest of us? I dropped Jack at school this morning and the Principal s...

Sometimes... I just look at them. And then I look again, take a deep breath, sigh a bit... warm tears fill my eyes, and clench my fists a bit. This Memorial day weekend I was able to have all three of my children together, and I got to enjoy all THREE of them.  It was a mixture of Jack being FINALLY able to play with the other kids and enjoy himself.  The girls had their guys with them and a few friends.  So everyone was happy.  Andy and the boys had fun.  Tim was there and as usual we enjoyed watching our girls just BE. My Mom was relaxed and happy, Dave and Dan were there.  Always makes me want more, and wish for Rick.  But we had a really nice, relaxing, soul refrshing weekend. Then on Memorial day jack and Louis got to ride in an antique firetruck during the parade. Can I say how lucky I am to have great friends, that LOVE me and my family. I felt blessed this weekend.  Just look at the girls. Look at he boys, Ryan, Brandon and ...

Mothers Day was this weekend. I'm usually not the Hallmark Holiday kind of gal,but if you don't recognize it you appear... bitchy. I like to think of Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Valentines Day, as the three most over rated DAYS of the year. If you don't get it 364 other days of the year, you aren't THERE yet. Mothers day to me...is when you FEEL LIKE A MOTHER. That happens a few times a day, "pick up your shoes" "Wash your hands." "Call the dentist." But really feeling like Mother, the mother that no one else could be... to your children,  that comes... IF YOUR LUCKY.. a few times a year. When your son is on stage for the Christmas show in his new suit, looking sparkling, shining, like a ray of light is only on him?  When you blow him a kiss from some obscure seat in a large auditiorium, because I just couldn't contain myself... He saw me, He caught my kiss,and blew one back... Because I am his Mother. No one else could throw...

Define crazy. That was a crazy good time. Her hair was crazy curly. I had some crazy dreams last night. I was so pissed I went all crazy on him. I wanted to leave my baby at the mall. I looked over the side of the bridge and wondered how long til I hit the water. Pulling into the airport and NOT have a return flight ticket, then watch the prepaid flight takeoff without you. Crazy weather we're having today. My dream of someday being alone in an apartment in ANY city, dressing in clothes that are comfortable, not necessarily matching, learning to finally play any instrument, and crochet, and paint my first painting. Chat with people in parks, ride my bike-without a helmet so I hear the world rush by in my long grey hair. Big salad for lunch, pancakes for dinner.  30 different flavors of teas in the cupboard but only drink one.  Never call anyone, unless I have something really amazing to say.  I hate obligatory phone calls.  Spend days with the same perso...

Swimming naked in Mountain lake with the Pearages and Jones's an hour or two before dawn? Running through Neptune NJ, after my friend Diane when she failed out of Nursing School? Going for a ride on the back of a motorcycle, with a "friend" all along the beach in NJ, then telling them< "ILL never see you again, you know that right?"? Smoking cigarettes with drug addicts and alcoholics, and having some of my best conversations? Sitting next to Betty Ford for dinner and showing her pictures of my daughters? Drinking beer in Amy's basement at 17 and dancing around to Rick Springfield and Pat Benatar? Looking for a date on a dating site, to just "Mess around with once a week" ? Then marrying him? Skinny dipping in the pool out the mountain after too much beer, but even more laughs? Driving around tims apartment in the middle of the night, spying on him, becasue I just couldnt STEP away? Are these all of  uhh yeah?'s....nope. But for ...

Jack and I went to church on Easter Sunday morning.  I know that shouldn't be a big deal since he goes to Catholic school and I like to consider myself,,, spiritual. We were lying in bed, the three of us, as usual. And I was thinking about what needed to be done for dinner to get finished.  Two sleepy eyed boys snuggled in the bed arms, legs, and lots of hot breath. I was thinking about the show The Bible that I have been watching and how thoughts of Jesus have been creepin ginto my everyday life since.  Silly times of the day.. Jesus and God have been a part of my life.  The thought of Jesus as a prophet, just a prophet? or the Son Of God? While I was in the grocery store the other day an older woman who was dirty and alone.  Not a sweet old lady, but a dirty, smelly, aparantly mean lady. How easy it would be to be nice to the sweet old lady, how hard it is to be pleasant to the dirty mean one.? Is the message from Jesus to be generous kind to EV...

hum·ble (h m b l) adj. hum·bler , hum·blest 1. Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful. 2. Showing deferential or submissive respect: a humble apology. 3. Low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly: a humble cottage     Just when I started blogging about how miserable I can get about the state of things in my life, I am reminded... You are a very VERY lucky girl. So everyone has the right to complain, but should we? I am taking a break from the complaining part of my life, I am now going to rejoice the blessings, far too  numerous to count, and praising God for my good fortune.   When Allie called on Sunday to say she had a bellyache, I immediately went to the, aw you were out last night, had a bit too much fun, take two tylenol you will be alright. When she continued to complain on monday and said her pain moved to the lower right, it hit me... She might be sick? Some...