Humbled. Grateful.

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hum·ble (hmbl)
adj. hum·bler, hum·blest
1. Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful.
2. Showing deferential or submissive respect: a humble apology.
3. Low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly: a humble cottage
 
 
Just when I started blogging about how miserable I can get about the state of things in my life, I am reminded... You are a very VERY lucky girl.
So everyone has the right to complain, but should we?
I am taking a break from the complaining part of my life, I am now going to rejoice the blessings, far too  numerous to count, and praising God for my good fortune.
 
When Allie called on Sunday to say she had a bellyache, I immediately went to the, aw you were out last night, had a bit too much fun, take two tylenol you will be alright.
When she continued to complain on monday and said her pain moved to the lower right, it hit me...
She might be sick?
Something made me tell her she HAD to go to the ER.
When I left work and met her there she a bit flushed, but smiling and happy to see me.
She wanted to go home, thinking it was gas, just a whiner.
A long wait inthe ER can make even the sickest person think they are fine.
Until the surgeon finally came in and said "WE have to go to the OR,,, NOW."
Long story short, Tim and I looked at eachother and I could read his mind, after almost thirty years-good bad or indifferent... he loves OUR kids as much as I do.
FEAR.
LOVE.
OH MY GOD.
 
Ah appendicitis, happens all the time, she will be fine.
Guess what?
%^&$ YOU!!
This is our baby, one of the only reasons I breathe.
Being alone with my ex, in a waiting room, while our child is under anesthesia, brings out the ....
best and worst of us.
Alot of things that went unsaid for many years, were said.
Things we said but shouldn't have? are gone.
I spent alot of time weeping out the window, at the rainy cold night.
While he paced around the empty OR waiting room. 
While stared out the window of course Im brought back to the days and nights when Dad was inthis same hospital, I looked out the same windows, same mountains in the distance, same fear.
When the surgeon FINALLY came out to say she was in the rcovery room.
She had some unexpected bleeding that he stood and watched for an extra 40 minutes.
I felt, a new feeling.
One of deep down, THANK GOD.
Thank YOU GOD, for all the problems in my life, for the pain in the neck boy that drives me crazy every single day.
Thank you GOD for the husband that LOVES me everyday.
Thank YOU GOD for my daughters that make my heart beat and my eyes see. Their FATHER that I hate to love, and love to hate.
I am so blessed to have THESE problems in my life, and not the REAl problems I COULD HAVE RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE.
I am humbled, head down, meek and more aware than ever that I AM BLESSED.
Our baby was pale and sleeping, lips full but without color, as I watched myself cover her hands with kisses so as not to wake her.  I smelled her hair and could only see the face of my baby.
When they finally got her to a room, I stayed awake and watched her breathe, listened to the sounds of my baby.  Like when she was a baby.
Oh- I will take a glimpse of this night real soon when I'm ready to snap with the craziness that is my life and remember...  REMEMBER I AM BLESSED.
Love to all and thank you for bearing with me.

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