Is that really crazy?

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Define crazy.
That was a crazy good time.
Her hair was crazy curly.
I had some crazy dreams last night.
I was so pissed I went all crazy on him.
I wanted to leave my baby at the mall.
I looked over the side of the bridge and wondered how long til I hit the water.
Pulling into the airport and NOT have a return flight ticket, then watch the prepaid flight takeoff without you.
Crazy weather we're having today.

My dream of someday being alone in an apartment in ANY city, dressing in clothes that are comfortable, not necessarily matching, learning to finally play any instrument, and crochet, and paint my first painting.
Chat with people in parks, ride my bike-without a helmet so I hear the world rush by in my long grey hair. Big salad for lunch, pancakes for dinner.  30 different flavors of teas in the cupboard but only drink one.  Never call anyone, unless I have something really amazing to say.  I hate obligatory phone calls.  Spend days with the same person and never hear from them again, and thats OK.  I want to be selfish and self absorbed, egotistical, grandiose, and laugh at all of my own jokes.  Between me and the cat.  Eat dinner alone in a restaurant filled elbow to elbow with people and just WATCH them covet my table, while I dine on mussels and mushrooms, couscous, asparagus and bergundy red wine.  The deepest darkest richest red wine ever.  When I wake in the morning I will wonder what I (alone) will do today, first thought.... of myself.
Thats crazy.

Are you crazy if someone else TELLS you you're crazy?
I had a patient that was crazy... as a bedbug.  She had a birth defect that had her right arm like a flipper.  The flipper didn't make her crazy, it was how she handled the flipper that made her crazy, along with alot of street drugs and really bad people.
Anyway-she called her flipper, THE APPLE.
Somehow, she, as a child blamed God for the flipper-(understandable) and after years of abuse by an alcoholic father she convoluted the flipper into The Apple- having something to do with Adam and Eve, and the first sin, and her curse, and others temptations are all her fault..... voil'a- The Apple.
She would talk to her APPLE, as if it were another entity-not a person-but another being within her.
"The APPLE was really high and I was thinking we should get out of there, but THE APPLE was having too much fun, so now we are back here in detox with you Suzie."

I have been called crazy more than once in my life.
I have referenced my episodes which I refer to "HITTING THE RIM".
Aw yeah, My Tim days, not sleeping, calling phone numbers.  Walking into the Post Office at three in the morning.
Believing I was dying, when all it was was anxiety, or gas.
A near death experience will do that to a person.
Waiting for your Father to die, and watching.  praying to end soon, suffer through unbearable loss, while watching the people I LOVE THE MOST suffer right beside me.  Please stop breathing, please stop.
crazy, insanely, unbearable, eye rolling, head banging crazy.
Knowing that you have a life altering, life changing, life ending, debilitating disease, can make me feel close to the rim.
WHY aren't you doing something, Suzie?  DO you want to die?
I am doing something, I'm living aren't I?  Not to the PEAK, not at my PEAK, but is that what I am supposed to do?
People would call me crazy if I left my life right now and did what I have thought about for twenty years.  Even if I just left my life as I know it and did anything else but be Jacks Mom, would make me bonkers, botz, whacko, crazy.
Is that what I want?  yes,
sometimes I do.  Call me what you want.  I want to pack a suitcase or two.  comfortable shoes, a small uhaul with my bike in the back.  AND SEE YA.
Crazy is inside all of us, It is what keeps us going sometimes.
Without my CRAZY, I'm sure there would be more days of peeking over the side of bridges.
If I didnt have my bicycle riding city dwelling cat lover dream I just might take off one afternoon after Lego club.
SO what If I dont wear socks inside my boots?
So what I havent had my haircut in over a year anticipating my escape to long haired CRAZY lady life?
I am sitting here on the bed listening to Jack talk to himself as he plays Legos in his room.
He had a bad day at school today.  Hysterical crying, to the principal, because he couldn't remember how to spell HIM>
My husband is in NY state working, until late tonight maybe tomorrow.
He is running for Mayor of our town.
That is rim topping news to me.  RIM TOPPING CRAZY,
Talking to my APPLE CRAZY.
WHISTLE BLOWING- arm flapping- under table hiding crazy.
 When do I get to run for mayor?
When do I get to cry and freak out when I cant spell him?
When does Mommy get to say I've made enough meatloaf in my life and I want to eat asparagus forever, no matter how bad my pee smells-BECAUSE IT IS MY PEE A$$#0&#
I can yammer on and on,
let my crazy flag flyhigh, but let me tell you.
SOMEDAY, someday- I will be that person I dream of.
Even if its for one day, and I croak from the massive heart attack I have been anticipating every three minutes for the past 7 and a half years.
Spelling words are killing me.
Spelling words will be the end of me.






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