Flaming June's Love

11:08pm January 31, 2012. Almost 2013. It has been a good year.  I'm ok with it.  I'm feeling pretty satisfied with myself and our lives right now. My daughters are good.  My son is growing stronger and smarter everyday. Andy and I have had a few of our hardest days this year, but also some of our best days this year.  His surgery was tough, my catheterization, a test... that we both passed physically and emotionally. Allie graduating, passing her boards, working her big girl job. Missi turning 21, gon got school, working her job as a good checker girl. Jack sticking with it hard work in first grade.  Leaps and bounds. Me... starting  a new job, and loving it.  Letting go of some old friends that disappointed me.  Then reaching out a bit further to embrace new friends.  I am sad for the times I didn't move, speak, smile, chat, give more, encourage more, open up. I am grateful for the times I believed, forgave, hugged too long, kiss...

 Our Beautiful tree right after Santa arrived.  I sat in my rocking chair, and as I do every year, cried a few tears.  Gratitude, sadness, relief, anticipation.  it was a great tree this year, not a single problem.  She didnt fall down once, which NEVER HAPPENS.  Allie lives with her boyfriend Ryan.  I have to adjust to that idea.  So being thats the case I had to adjust to her NOT being here Christmas morning.  A very very difficult pill to swallow.  But I did it.  I imagined this day, and I did alright.  I imagine having a fever, helped me cope since I was slightly disoriented... but we had a sweet Missi, Jack, Andy, Mommy Christmas morning.  Here is the boy wonder so HAPPY to get his new Nabi.  A tablet made for kids loaded with games and learning and books.  He was psyched, as you can see.  Missi a kind and genrous sister playing the surprised onlooker when she was the one that helped Santa download...

Psalm 34:18   The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. The unspeakable happened last Friday in a small town in Connecticut.  Looking at twenty children through a guns site is.... too much.  Everyone has their own thoughts and visions of what may have happened that day in those classrooms, I wont even write them down.  I scare myself. I make myself cry, weep really. Jack's unsinkable belief that everyone is good, his willingness to help people, his unability to retreat. A gunman in his classroom.  Taking aim at he and his classmates? Someone elses beautiful child, irreplaceable gift is gone. I went to Joann's graduation on Sunday.  Her loss and grief after losing her beloved Bob, moved her somewhere else, beyond what she thought she could do.  Broken and "too old" she walked across the stage to receive her Masters Degree.  I sniled at her from  75 yards away, she saw me, we waved, I blew...

I was walking through Boscovs and saw the most beautiful Christmas tree.  It was all purply blue greenish.  Lights were blue, and covered in feathers almost like a peacock, green and just beautiful colors. Then I got closer and it was covered in Peacock feathers. A few sparkly blue and green balls and fluffy things. But not a single Christmas thing.  No Santa anything, nothing Jesus like, not one homemade looking thing on it.  So what makes your Christmas tree the most beautiful tree in town? My tree is truly beautiful.  It is covered in babies first, second, third, fourth fifth Christmas ornaments.  For THREE CHILDREN. Ornaments my Mom and Dad gave us for many years, signed by them(my mom..) like the one above from 2004. Many ornaments from Betty, Tims Mom, who took care of me every year with the sweetest little things. Boy do I miss her. Ornaments from MaryEllen.  Some from old students, patients, our first home, A US Marine, A few from my...

Callanish Stones UK The Callanish stones on the Isle of Lewis date from roughly 2900-2600BC, around the same time stones were being brought to Stonehenge. Legend says that the pale stones are the remains of the Giants who refused to convert to Christianity, Saint Kieran turning them to stone in punishment. I include the Callanish stones rather than the more famous Stonehenge for several reasons. Stonehenge is easier to visit but gives a far less satisfying experience. You can walk amongst the Callanish stones, touch them, and feel much like the original worshipers would have. At Stonehenge you are bombarded by the noise of two major roads. While on the Isle of Lewis you can see the hundreds of other standing stones which litter the fields and hillsides, so it’s well worth a visit. Editors Note: As a child in the seventies in England, Stonehenge was a fascinating place. With far fewer cars than today, and the ability to still walk among the stones themselves, it was a place of ...

A few weeks ago I wrote about my fascination with Little House on the Prairie.  I narrowed down my love for the show to a few key points. a. a comittment between ma and Pa that could withstand, everything.  b. An honest look at not having everything, but feeling as if you had it all. c. Family that never gave up on each other, through the hardest times they knew, without eachother they would fail. d. Laughter and a keen sense of humor, mixed with fair share of heartache makes for interesting company. e. Gratitude is never achieved by having it all. These two very handsome people are my grandparents.  My Mothers parents.  Alice-and Joe. This was, by my brothers account somewhere in the late 40's. My Nana was one of four sisters that were all beautiful.  Not just a bunch of pretty girls, but the Beautiful Burke sisters. A blonde, brunette, redhead, and one with dark near black hair.  look at her dress, her hair, her smile.  What a pair. He ...

Today was Jacks Christmas show at school.  As I asked him during the week what songs they would sing, he would reply Its a surprise!. I was deciding what he should wear.  Went to the boys shop and there it was.  A perfect size seven suit with shirt and tie. Screaming to me to buy.  I brought it home and it was as if it were mad for him.  He put on the tie without any complaints.  I took his picture while he was waiting to go.  Watching his cartoons and looking angelic. To some going to a Christmas show is cool, great but in our house... monumental. He stood on the stage singing the correct words to the songs, standing still, smiling and behaving. He was so "average" it brought tears to my eyes. He was "just one of the kids in first grade." How many Moms pray for average? My prayer was answered.  He was certainly far from average.  He was the most handsome young man there in my eyes.  Smiling eyes, shining eyes, waving to us f...

This is my house tonight, about an hour ago.  Yup hes reading in the tub. The boy sleeping on our bed.  I was reading a new book.  Missi at the casino with her BF, and a few of their friends.  Allie finally has a night off and went for mexican with her BF and a few friends. My laundry is everywhere. Our dog was treated for fleas. I didn't make dinner tonight because I was out shopping all day with my Mom. Bought myself stuff today, three weeks before Christmas, not a smart thing. My grey roots are growing in, and I dont want to do a damn thing about it. My eyebrows are far too wild. I am too critical of myself, but realize, no one has it all together. I need to change the cat box and the guinea pig cage. Jacks room needs a total overhaul but I dont know what to do with it. Christmas is around the corner, but I have hardly purchased anything. Tim and the girls and jack are getting the tree next week.  So I had better get the stuff out. My car is ...

He is coming home. Our prayers have been answered. Our marine is coming home. Thank You God. Thats all I can muster to say about that.

Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother. Khalil Gibran What is doubt?   How do I recall doubt?   Doubt , a status between belief and disbelief , involves uncertainty or distrust or lack of sureness of an alleged fact , an action, a motive, or a decision . Doubt brings into question some notion of a perceived " reality ", and may involve delaying or rejecting relevant action out of concerns for mistakes or faults or appropriateness. Some definitions of doubt emphasize   I doubted anyone could ever truly Love me if they really knew me.   What does it mean to truly KNOW someone?  Do you even know yourself, in order to have someone else KNOW you? To know me is to LOVE me. Well, to know ME, is a long arduous process, I imagine no one is really aware of  all their infinite details.  I have forgotten more details of today, never mind the 46 years of character building/changing events and mi...

Did I say I have the most amazing children?  Yes I did. Did I mean I am the luckiest Mom in town?  Yup. Thanksgiving day I asked the kids to come outside for twenty minutes to see if I could catch the CHRISTMAS CARD pic for the year. My 23 and 21 year old daughters agreed to come. Yes I know, they are grown, and one doesnt even live home anymore!  That is why they are so great.  They should say "thats it Mom, it s time to let go, we REVOLT!" But they smiled, groaned and got up fromt he table and followed me outside. I AM LUCKY. Had a great day today.  Enjoyed the first flurries of the year, and took a great walk. Yes I AM.  lucky. I have some pretty great friends too.  Going to walk first thing tomorrow no matter how cold it is.  Im going out and breathing in some cold, LIFE!!! Love to all. Go ahead... Its ok, you can look at the pictures more.  They really are better in real life, the pictures don't capture their al...

Yes gang, once again the HOLIDAYS ARE COMING!!!!!! I just looked throught "the blog" and read a few years of Nov posts, and I am always so EXCITED to get the holidays going, but seem to lose steam the closer it gets. I may have the answer, maybe the anticipation is BETTER than the actual EVENTS? I love thinking about the menu for dinner, I enjoy planning everyones gifts, I even spend some time thinking about what we will be wearing for certain occasions. Then... historically, I lose the excitement somewhere around the 20th. Thats when I start to wish it all over and done with. I am changing a few things on my agenda.  I THINK? I am going to lighten the Christmas day menu.  Maybe go with cold salads, ham, turkey, and all the fixings for great snadwich's, soup, and lots of appetizers. Since we have people from early Christmas morning throughout the day, we have a nice breakfast and the n start the dinner prep, not to mention all the Santa stuff that goes with having ...

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving 2012. We had Missi's 21st Birthday celebration last night at Mirakuya, the whole gang, the WHOLE GANG.  It was a good night. Jack has had two super weeks at school. I have been able to work a whole bunch of hours for holiday and storm makeup days. Allie and Ryan went on a little getaway weekend to Niagara falls and had a great time. Andy has finally finished the concrete wall in front of the house.  HUGE deal. Nana has been good, had a good cardiologist appt. My stomach is finally feeling bettter. I am able to go to the grocery store to get whatever I need for holiday dinners, and whatever may be on my mind for dinner. I am able to plan for Christmas and what I want to get everyone, we have enough money to get what I want to get them all. I am writing again and it feels good. I have friends that I know will be there for me if I need them. I WANT to be their person. Thats a good thing, I am thankful. I can walk tomorrow morning, I will wa...

Jack had his playdate last weekend with the neighbor boy. Andy came into the house and told us that Joshua was outside riding his bike.  When I asked Jack if he wanted to join him he said.. "well, he needs me as his friend, lets go." Approaching Josh and his sister who is also deaf but reads lips and is not autistic, I could tell jack was nervous. He wasn't quite sure how this was going to go, neither was I but we were IN IT. This is what LIVING is ALL about. These moments you will never forget, yup this is living. We walked over carrying our soccer ball.  Josh was riding his bike (without training wheels) around the middle of the street. His beautiful sister Sarah was chasing after him and pulling him to the side of the road then scolding him with sign language and shouting at him.  He smiled, nodded, and patted her hand away and kept on going. I chatted with is grandma Ann. We had  awkward silence times.  Jack got in front of josh's bike once or twi...

So they say... An orb that appears in a photo is a spirit or entity trying to manifest itself. I always considered them sunspots... until I needed to believe that someone was trying to reach me from the great beyond. So now we find orbs in all of our photos, specifically photos with The Boy in them. I will attach just a few of my favorite home orb shots. Of course you can believe what you like, I for tonight believe they are my long lost ones visiting and saying a friendly HELLO, when we least expect it. After finding these few pics I realized these were all from very important times in our lives.  Graduations, Thanksgivings, parades, dinners together and a day we walked in Jim Thorpe and ASKED for someone to visit me. Whatever, it doesnt matter really.  I like to THINK someone is dropping by to photo bomb.  Whoever they are is fine with me. Love to everyone.  My stomach is acting up again so Im going to bed.  Forever your girl.  Suzie

We had a hurricane barrel through here last week.  We were very very fortunate in that we were not affected.  We had a few branches down but never lost power or heat.  We actually enjoyed the night of the storm at Nana s house with Ella and Cathy.  A real campout night.  A few of my dear friends were not as fortunate. Diane a room mate from college lost everything.  She and her beautiful son Christian's home was washed away.  All gone.  She is now living with her sons father.  My dear friend Susan, Pocahontas, lost everything as well.  She texted me that she is in a shelter in Atlantic city.  She hasnt slept in a week.  I want to go get her, so she can get some rest and warm bed. I am snuggled in my bed right now.  Warm, dry, a hot cup of tea, sleeping boy in his room. My husband is at one of the apartments getting something going. He was instrumental in keeping our little town going during the hurricane. A town p...

God graces us with events that are veiled as "everyday" and then exposes them, at just the right time, as monumental. I have a new friend.  Yes, to all my old friends this IS A BIG DEAL. I meet alot of people, I like almost everyone, but the very rare occasion that want to invite someone into "the Bubble"... yeah, that is hardly ever. As we chatted over folding laundry and coffee cups, I had to control myself from shouting out "I FEEL THAT WAY TOO< I THINK THAT ALL THE TIME!!!" Like a kid---oohoooh I know what you mean!!!! We chat about our little boys, our big boys, our girls. Chat about our homes, and decorating stuff. But alot of our chats are about our Dads. We are able to relate to the loss of THAT GUY. When I feel tears in my eyes, I see them in hers. I think that is when I realize someone is going to be around for a while. I went for dinner and drinks with Kathy P. last night and for sure we nearly cried TEN TIMES!!!! YUP we have been...

Halloween 2012. I recall a few years ago thinking how much I detested Halloween. Taking jack out to trick or treat was an absolute nightmare. He would run away from us, totally oblivious to our calls.  He would push and grab and all the nasty things that kids we wish to LEAVE our door would do. It was about two years ago when Ella was with us for halloween and she was so sweet and generous.  I thought how someday Jack might be like that.  I PRAYED. Tonight, our someday was today. Now believe me we are far from perfect, and everyone is. But our boy was patient at the doors, he was kind to the smaller children. He listened when we called to him to slow down, stop at the corners, don't run. it really was a good night. There was a little boy screaming at one of the houses as we passed. It brought back memories of years ago when Jack would see something in a house and WANT IT. He didn't want something, did want something or we had no idea what he was thinking. Jus...

Making a cup of hot tea the other night, and I stood in front of the coffee cup cupboard, door open, just looking in. "Which one of you beauties is coming upstairs with me tonight?" Which of course got me thinking again, as I do at least ten times a day... "This is not normal behavior Suzie." I pulled four out. From at least twenty, that do not match, or even resemble one another. These four were my choices for tea that night. As you can see the one on the furthest left won. She is from a trip to Barnes and Noble with my girls many years ago. All cheery and really big.  I've had her maybe 12 years.  Shes been a good old standby when I want a handwarming huge cup of tea. The next stripety one is from a Christmas gift, I don't remember who it was from, but it was full of chocolates.  I love the cup.  The bottom is smaller than the top.  It is almost funnel shaped, thats why I like it.  You don't really know its odd... until you take a closer loo...

As a young girl I watched Little House on the Prairie,,, religiously. I think some of the most important lessons of life were covered in the episodes.  I learned about siblings that fought but still loved eachother.  I watched as Ma and Pa quarreled, even had full out breakdowns and still held it together. I dreamed of someone like Pa falling in Love with me someday.  He was strong, handsome, funny, and hardly ever let his worries get to the rest of the family.  There was always a way to fix it. Were there a time they couldn't fix it, well we always have eachother. I loved that. Ma was strong, independent, smart, and lived for her chidlren and husband.  She never took crap from that nasty Mrs. Olsen-who by the way wanted to be like Ma too. I loved when Ma sold her eggs at Olsens Mercantile.  Nasty Harriet would want to give her less for her pristine eggs, ma would say no and threaten to leave, Mrs. Olsen would always give in.  Ma remained...

It all seemed so easy. Growing up with these two gals. There were times with just the three of us that we laughed til we pee'd. Times we cried, together, under blankets, sweatshirts, pillows, looking out windows, in the kitchen, on the bed, in the mall... everywhere. These girls have been my reason for over twenty years. Yeah I know everyones children are their reason, but do you know how lucky I have been? I have never had a single night of worry about these girls.  They have been honest with me, fair, and considerate of my feelings from the beginning.  True there were a few nights I wasn't THRILLED with their decisions, but they always came home when I said, answered ALL my questions, and took the heat when they deserved it. I always got phonecalls where they were, who they were with and good or bad.... what they were doing. How do you change that?  Am I supposed to change that? When do I start to want them to grow up and go away?  Because I don't, not ...