How to let go... a little bit.

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It all seemed so easy.
Growing up with these two gals.
There were times with just the three of us that we laughed til we pee'd.
Times we cried, together, under blankets, sweatshirts, pillows, looking out windows, in the kitchen, on the bed, in the mall... everywhere.
These girls have been my reason for over twenty years.
Yeah I know everyones children are their reason, but do you know how lucky I have been?
I have never had a single night of worry about these girls. 
They have been honest with me, fair, and considerate of my feelings from the beginning.  True there were a few nights I wasn't THRILLED with their decisions, but they always came home when I said, answered ALL my questions, and took the heat when they deserved it.
I always got phonecalls where they were, who they were with and good or bad.... what they were doing.
How do you change that?  Am I supposed to change that?
When do I start to want them to grow up and go away? 
Because I don't, not even a little. 
My Dad used to wait for them to get home from school so they could talk about their day.
He left his golf games early, didn't want to vacation, and came home early from cards to sit in my kitchen to just BE with us.
I didn't get it then.
I get it now.
Allie had off today, home in her own apartment, cooking a stew in a crockpot for their dinner tonight.
(uggh so domestic.)
I called her to meet me to go to speech with Jack and I.
For a ride...
For an hour.
Because I CAN'T let go.  I don't want to. 
But I have to.
Missi is right now shuffling her items from her room into Allies old room.  Its bigger and further away from..
"THE BOY."
I get it, and it gives me the idea she will be here a while.  I'm ok with that.  Really I am.
The nights we three snuggled on the couch watching tv.
The nights we baked cakes to keep the house warm.
The mornings they ran around late for school, jumping into the Vibe and skidding out the driveway.
The tears about boys, friends, school, Daddy. 
All well worth the hugs and love we shared in getting over those boys, friends, school and Daddy.
They are alright, my girls.
They know how to LOVE.  They will someday be great Mommys themselves.
They are smart, sassy, funny, beautiful, and I get to say.....
I DID THAT.
WE DID THAT.
The three of us, got through it, stepped on it, and left it all behind us.
Thank God for them.
So now Suzie, let them go..
really, its time...
OK, Im letting go, or loosening up a bit...
OK now,  now,   now.
Let this THING happen, everyone does it...My mother did it, her mother did it.
They survived.
I'm doing it, right now, I'm going to let them go alittle bit.  right now.
Can't you tell?
Can't you hear me from wherever you are?...
I'm the snorting blubbering woman trying to learn to stand back... and watch as her little girls grow up into amazing women.
Just the way I planned it...
Exactly what I asked for...
Just not this hard.
Love my baby girls, forever.


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