PMS talking....

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Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
Khalil Gibran

What is doubt?  
How do I recall doubt?  

Doubt, a status between belief and disbelief, involves uncertainty or distrust or lack of sureness of an alleged fact, an action, a motive, or a decision. Doubt brings into question some notion of a perceived "reality", and may involve delaying or rejecting relevant action out of concerns for mistakes or faults or appropriateness. Some definitions of doubt emphasize
 
I doubted anyone could ever truly Love me if they really knew me.   What does it mean to truly KNOW someone?  Do you even know yourself, in order to have someone else KNOW you?
To know me is to LOVE me.
Well, to know ME, is a long arduous process, I imagine no one is really aware of  all their infinite details.  I have forgotten more details of today, never mind the 46 years of character building/changing events and missteps that molded this creature of today.
Doubt my own ability to Love?  Some love has come without effort.  No tending, pruning, watering, feeding required.  It just sprouted and erupted through the ground as a fully grown OAK full of wildly waving leaves,  enormous branches, and countless layers of color.  Immense, incalculable, infinite.
Children.
Other Love has been recognized far too soon, far too late, without fanfare, too much fanfare or left unattended.  These recognitions of my Loves in life don't change that they were, as grand as any other.  Moreso, that I am aware of my ability to Love, (often to my own fault and near demise) and retain their rewards and rosiness for my quiet days.  I still may wince, and gasp at my choices, but for the moment they were valuable and necessary. Even today a soft place to land my thoughts when DOUBT begins to shadow me.
Doubt the truth-whatever truth may be.  
Doubt my capacity to give, or recognize someone elses need.  
My willingness to give.
 
"the state in which the mind remains suspended between two contradictory propositions and unable to assent to either of them. "
Am I living to the fullest of my capabilities?
Have I made THIS life worthy?
Do I see myself clearly, as I truly am?
Am I a handsome woman, and attractive lady, or a hot chick?
Do I DESERVE what I have, have I earned the LOVE of these people, or am I just a cosmic KARMIC lucky strike?
Am I really that fortunate, or am I so illusioned by BREATHING that my life is mediocre by all other accounts and I just an easily pleased dolt. 

Faith is the twin brother of Doubt.
When in doubt, have Faith.
Doubt your reason for being, Have faith-all will be revealed.  (ehhhhhhh?)
The only time all will be revealed is when we die, I know this for a fact, I've been there.
The answers to lifes questions (which of course I can't remember now)
Became very clear and simple.  As if a window was opened and I was able to stick my head out and see all the reason, purpose and answer to any question of life, as clear as DAY.
I remember that.  "ahhhh, well that was easy, why didn't I think of that.?"
Then as soon as LIFE snapped back in me, the answers were blurred again.
Why do babies suffer?  Why do people suffer?  Where is God in loss, pain, illness?
Why does my heart (both literal and figurative) have to ache with loss, worry and love?
 
Doubt is a pain too lonely to realize faith is his twin brother.
Doubt is a lonely place.
Faith is a way out of almost anything.
Doubt your reason for being? Have faith your contributions will far outlive your shortcomings.
Doubt your contribution? Have faith that those you touched carry a piece of you with them.
Doubt you are beautiful, attractive, funny, smart, intellectual, charming, captivating, witty, memorable, vibrant, sexy, nurturing?
Have faith.... You are more than the least you think you are, and less than the most you think you are.
Chew on that for a while.
hhaahaha.
 
 
 
 
 

 
 

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