Flaming June's Love

Yes this is a funny post.  Ive been doing the selfie thing when I think of it to chronicle this adventure of trying to keep going. Now today when I had the idea to make this post with a few of the pics I was feeling positive and up!  Tonight as I write this post I am not that positive nor up.  I overate today.  Nothing horrific from my mealplan but just MORE than I should.  I was so hungry today.  All day and especially tonight. Its alright....  Im ok. There is a reason I was so hungry.  My body needed more today.  SO I FED IT> My heel is hurting abit which then makes my calf hurt so tonight instead of walking, I rested.  While Jack ran at Kirby i pulled out my folding chair and sat by the fence of the softball field and read my book.  I was still outside, breathing fresh air, chatting with people and watching my boy. I am still winning. BUT THIS GIRL UP THERE!!!  SHE'S ALL THAT> I hope to b...

Tomorrow morning we get up at 6:30 and start the machine for 8th grade.  The machine is the process of "doing school."  I am very excited for our boy to start 8th grade.  I never in my wildest dreams imagined it to be this way.  I never planned ahead more than a week or two.  Typically because I either thought I was going to die any minute or that Jack was going to self destruct any minute. But neither has happened.  Unbelievably.... neither has happened. He packed his backpack.  I bought all the supplies but he packed it and Im good with that.  He read all his summer reading books and was done two weeks ago.  He liked the books. Ill say that again..... for those of you in the back.... JACK LIKED HIS SUMMER READING BOOKS> If that doesnt describe Jack to you, then you're missing the Jack trip. He has started his cross country training, that was about a month ago.  His first Invitational is Saturday.  I cant wait.  I...

I am making this post to catalog this summer as "The Summer" .  I have a few pics of my favorite moments but these dont capture the whole thing in all of its splendor and fun.  Of course The middle of July saw "Quick Rick Jones" pop on over to the East Coast.  It was a whirlwind two weeks with lots and lots of laughs, bike rides, music festivals, POMPEYFEST which deserves a post of its own.  Hikes, mountain visits, long chats and of course moments like this one above.  Just straight up, "I understand you, I get you, and we are all ok."  Here is our Jack on his 14th birthday.  No glasses our of shower and just happy to see me.  I adore, treasure and admire this guy.  He doesnt know it yet, but he is all that.  I dont want to tell him too often because he doesnt seem to believe me.  You are smart, fully, thoughtful, kind.  Sharp witted and ver very much your fathers son in the debate and negotiate department.  He is...

Home from our vacation and it was lovely.  It was so nice to have Nana along.  She was great company and really broke thing upf or me.  Jack was also happy to have his best girl along. I will post a vacation post soon.  But first I had to post this idea for today. I was sitting on the back deck tonight.  Andy was weed whacking I was reading my book after cleaning up from dinner.  Jack was in the shower. I thought "How simply simple this moment is!" How easy this all is for me at this point in my life.  Everything is just right.  Nothing is hurting, or angsty, or troubled.  Of course there are those times, believe me I have THOSE times.  But in a nutshell its ALLLLLLL GOOOOOOD right now. My girls are happy, and most importantly EVERYONE IS HEALTHY right now. Although they are my babies, my girls are getting older and the potential for illness or injury becomes more real everyday.  I think about that.  My grandson,is ...

I am living everyday.  Whether I am walking outside, inside, yoga, swimming, chatting with strangers, engaging with students, confessing to my confidantes, laughing til I pee with my friends, Hugging my boy, Loving my man, dreaming, planning, singing along..... I am living these days. I was walking today and thought "I am going to run."  "I can run, right?"  talking to myself.... I tried it.... I jogged. I dont know how to hold my arms, I dont know how to breath right, my boobs are banging around in my THREEEEE SPORTS BRAS!!!!  My right foot went numb almost immediately.  I got the old familiar pain in my left shoulder blade and realized... I CANT RUN.  I CANNOT RUN. I  CAN NOT RUN.  All these years I thought "Who cares if I cannot run, who wants to run anyway, I just want to keep breathing."  I wasn't taking care of myself at ALL.  NOT AT ALL.  I had the perfect excuse to not even try.  I didnt want to try. ...

Tomorrow I wake up and Ill be 53 years old. I am in a better place than I have been in many many years.  I can conjure fear which I can breathe through and visualize living.  That is helping my anxiety. I went to yoga tonight and it is a real beginners class but I feel good doing it.  The yogi ended the class saying something on the lines of "Feel good about taking care of yourself, you deserve to be well emotionally, physically and spiritually." Today was Jacks last day of 7th grade.  One year and he goes to HS.  I cannot believe it really.    He is tall and handsome, strong and sweet. I remember days when I wondered if either of us would survive. Here we are. I love my kids and Owen, my son in laws and husband. I am grateful for my healthy helpful capable Mother. My bothers that are my whole world. A job that I can tolerate, with a few people I enjoy. A couple of friends, and I mean a couple.  But better have a two or three that a...

Its a funny feeling almost 53 and feel pretty good about myself. I have gone back to church because of a priest that listened to me and didnt judge me. He listened and heard me say I was afraid to go another day without being at peace with God. He felt that fear is not a great motivator, fear holds us back. Love should bring us back. That is when i cried.  I cried because I want to LOVE my neighbor, the people that piss me off, hurt me.  Im supposed to love them.  Listen to the gospel and apply to my week.  Now I spend the hour in church every week and reflect on the week that passed and anticipate the upcoming week with peace.  I'm not the average church goer.  I have a bit of a thing where I think I am different all the time.  Different from the people sitting in the pews behind or in front of me.  Different in my thoughts and views, my approach to life. After chatting with the priest he showed me that he has HEARD IT ALL> From th...