Peace be with your spirit.

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Its a funny feeling almost 53 and feel pretty good about myself.
I have gone back to church because of a priest that listened to me and didnt judge me.
He listened and heard me say I was afraid to go another day without being at peace with God.
He felt that fear is not a great motivator, fear holds us back.
Love should bring us back.
That is when i cried.  I cried because I want to LOVE my neighbor, the people that piss me off, hurt me.  Im supposed to love them.  Listen to the gospel and apply to my week. 

Now I spend the hour in church every week and reflect on the week that passed and anticipate the upcoming week with peace.  I'm not the average church goer.  I have a bit of a thing where I think I am different all the time.  Different from the people sitting in the pews behind or in front of me.  Different in my thoughts and views, my approach to life.

After chatting with the priest he showed me that he has HEARD IT ALL>
From the people that intimidate me.
The people in the pews, are not perfect, if they are honest with themselves and God and their priest they would not pretend to be something more than they are.
 Which is  human.
I am going to church with my head down, my heart out mouth shut.
I have my ears open and believe that the reading and the Gospel are FOR ME. 
Every week the message has been directed TO ME it seemed.

I think church has become my place of meditation.  Refection and moral inventory.
Maybe NOT what everyone else APPEARS to be doing.
It ok though.  I am in Gods house, saying thank you for all that is good.
And looking forward. 
God hears me supposedly, my thoughts and prayers even the ones not said out loud.
(Thats a tough one for me)
But, Im going with it.

Jacks favorite person at this time is a friend named Joseph.
(Pronounce Yoseeph)  He is at the HS now but he finds time to chat with him either in person or online.  He is a Muslim.  Jack envies his solid base, and peace, he is confident and sure.
Jack has said he wants that.  "maybe I should be a Muslim?"
"I dont think what you want would come from changing your religion, but moreso from looking at who and what you are.  What you want in your world, what you expect from people and what you will tolerate from people."
Of course the theological conversations ensue.  Mohammed was a prophet, Jesus was a prophet, Jews respect all the prophets, still waiting for the messiah.  Hes got them all covered. ( More than I do)

I dont ask him to join me for church,  nor do I ask Andy.  This is my time.  My place to be at peace with my world and how I approach it today.
I have said to my friends and family that to me, the worst thing you can be is a faker.
Faking sincerity, humility, appreciation, stability, is living a lie.  WORSE THAN TELLING A LIE>
Telling a lie is one offense, A faker spends their days and nights smiling to the world through pearly white teeth.
I avoid the white teethers at church. 
Am I judging people?  yep.
Thats why I dont talk to anyone.  I do talk to an older gentleman I seem to sit next to every week.  He is nice.
Why are these people here every week for the past 50 years?  I know 99% of them are pure reasons.  Is it just habit, fear, expected, or do they get some joy from it.?  peace?  comfort?  I sure hope so.
OK my chat is now over.
Go in Peace.


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