Flaming June's Love

I have been on the planet alive and kicking about 6 3/4 years longer than expected.  I have done some really amazing things in those seven years and have loved so many people everyday of those seven years.  Fridays procedure should be uneventful and I anticipate being home by Sunday.  In the case that it is not uneventful here are a few things I have to say. 1.  All the times I sat with my friends family loved ones and ate or drank something not on a heart healthy diet list, I dont regret a single minute or bite of them.  If we had laughs and good conversation then I am grateful.  Dont ever feel like you should have stopped me or something because that would have ruined our "moments" together.  I cherish every one of them.  Ice cream, burgers on the grill, alcoholic beverages, coffees, all of them I loved. 2.  I realize I have had my down days over the past seven years.  Those were days like everyone else has.  That my friends wa...

Did you ever get the feeling that you were on the edge of something totally new?  I am, for sure. Been visiting U Penn Hospital.  They are top 5 in the country.  So since I really want to live, We decided to make an appt.  The first appt went really well with the Dr.  Nice guy, not terribly over concerned super smart.  Second appt stress tests and vascular studies yesterday.  I felt good last night.  Now  since the Dr called this morning at 830, I am feeling just tired. I have to go back to Philadelphia for a catheterization next Friday.  I knew this was coming.  I know it is the one way to actually SEE what is going on with the grafted vessels, and what may be happening with any vessels that weren't grafted.  This is a good thing.  right?  I am confident that the Dr. I am seeing is one of the best in the country.  He will guide us to the best recovery and therapy possible. I just don't like the reminder of m...

Amazing things have happened at my house these past few days. first of all the last post concerning Jack and his ISM's, well they are what they are and he is doing so exceptionally well lately.  Took him to his cousins birthday party last weekend and he had a great time.  He chatted with some people and really had fun. His tball is going very very well.  He is having fun and following directions.  Good Job Jackie BOY! He was visiting his friend Michael up the street the other day after school.  He had had such an awesome day that I told him he was ready for a big boy reward at the end of his play date.  He was allowed to walk home "alone" from Michael's house-just like big boys do. Remind you that Michael lives three doors up the street and both his mother and I watched Jack walk the three doorbells to reach ours.  He marched down river street smiling a huge smile, carrying his ds bag under his arm.  I maintained eye contact with him the entir...

Really?  Oh How interesting...  Well, Isn't that exciting!  You have GOT to be kidding?! I took Jack to a swimming party  last Friday night, which was for one of his classmates.  It was a lovely party at the YMCA.  Swimming, cake, pizza, a few party games.  He really loved it. Me... well, you know. "Blah blah blah, yuckity yuck, buzz click, yadday yadday yadday." Let me make a few things clear though, the Moms and Dads I met were very nice people.  I actually enjoyed their company.  We chatted about Birthday cake, t-ball and swimming lessons.  All very nice.  Marvelous. The issue for me is though... I am the parent with the child in the class who has a TSS worker. I am the parent with the special needs kid. I am on constant lookout for any sign of judgement.  I am running at a 7 at all times on the "mamabear" scale.  I am also the Mom that has been around the block a few times here.  I've been doing the Mommy ...

Jack had another good day at school.  Who know that my life at 45 would revolve around the report I receive at 2pm every weekday concerning Jacks Day.  It is true I meter my day on how a six year is feeling this Day.  Not just any six year let me remind you, but my six year old. The six year old blond haired boy that told me today that I was wearing his favorite blue shirt and HAD TO HUG ME!!! The boy that decided his trampoline in the yard is now a stage where he dances and does his karate-not only for me as I laugh and applaud, but for the neighbors who sit on their porch and chuckle along with me. Today he decided that he wants to sleep outside in a tent, under the moon and stars and "watch the night change to daytime." While we were in Philadelphia this weekend he couldn't help but watch Remy do her baby girl things.  He stood close to her and laughed when she laughed, and commented on how "bouncy and springy" her hair was.  He told someone yesterday tha...

I finally met up with my health coach jenny on Friday.  How is my health coming?  I dont think its any different to be honest.  I know what and when and how I am supposed to eat.  But no one else is putting the food into my mouth other than me.  I am the cook, the purchaser, the grocery store soldier.  So my choice to eat fruit bars versus a peach, plum or pear is just that... my choice. Leading to my choice on a daily basis to add to my chance to live longer.  I see the food choices I make as a direct relationship to my early demise. The particular foods I choose will be my end.  I will be standing at the precupice of death holding a bag of cheez doodles with a plastic bag containing styrofoam boxes of leftovers from my last dinner/lunch/snack out. As I eat these poor choices I am usually thinking about how and why I deserve these things. Then of course I think about how I am going to stop eating this "bad" thing early. Followed by the stan...

Allie got her tonsils out today.  It was a morning of normalcy, slept in a little bit.  Rainy cold day with flakes of snow.  I was not thinking about the procedure much at all.  I have been so OVERWHELMED with my life the past month with everything going on.  Tonsillectomy was in my head but not processed until we were at the hospital.  We have a relationship that is really quite unusual.  I am her Mother.  I have the power of being the Mother.  She listens to me, respects me and I am the parent.  We are also friends.  She is my best friend.  If I get an opportunity to do something, it is Allie that I want to do it with.  Imagine a vacation, trip, concert, museum, art show yup, its she that is my partner. Does she feel the same about me?  I think so within reason.  She is in love, and of course her choice for a vacation to the Bahamas would be her boyfriend.  Understand... really I do.  So here we are...