A change is in the air...

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Did you ever get the feeling that you were on the edge of something totally new? 
I am, for sure.
Been visiting U Penn Hospital.  They are top 5 in the country.  So since I really want to live, We decided to make an appt.  The first appt went really well with the Dr.  Nice guy, not terribly over concerned super smart.  Second appt stress tests and vascular studies yesterday.  I felt good last night.  Now  since the Dr called this morning at 830, I am feeling just tired.
I have to go back to Philadelphia for a catheterization next Friday.  I knew this was coming.  I know it is the one way to actually SEE what is going on with the grafted vessels, and what may be happening with any vessels that weren't grafted.  This is a good thing.  right?  I am confident that the Dr. I am seeing is one of the best in the country.  He will guide us to the best recovery and therapy possible.
I just don't like the reminder of my.. or everyone's mortality.
I have thought about this event coming down the pike for a while.  If I get stents I will be able to go to Cardiac rehab again.  That is a great thing.  It is the second chance at getting in shape, on my insurance companies dime.  Exercise with a nurse watching you is a very good and safe feeling. 
Andy and I have been having some real issues lately.
 Real problems that have been taking up alot of my time and thought and emotion.  We are communicating better in the past two weeks than maybe EVER.  So now this is coming back around again.  I need him.  I think.?
I know he loves me very much, I know what I mean to him.  He is definitely going to be here for me in whatever capacity I ask of him.  At this point I just don't know what I need.. or who to get it from.
First and foremost is Jack.
This should be a quick day or two in the hospital and then home to recover for a few days and back to the grind.  But with a new outlook and hopefully a retuned ticker.
My boy needs consistency and I am that for him.  While I am away that is whats priority.  JACK... It has always been JACK.
OK just got a call from my job and after I shared with my friend what was going on, I was told they don't need me now for the next semester.  Awesome.  (NOT.)
OK just feeling a little under the weather, but I will snap out of this and be ready to take on the Heart Disease battle again.  Hopefully with a renewed sense of urgency and passion for good health.
I so love my children and family.  These kids are my reason sometimes.  If I am not here anymore I will never be further away than a whisper.  Keep the thought of me and talk about me and happy things.  I always want to be welcome.
I am forever and ever in love with you all.


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