7 is a good number, I really prefer twenty though... please.
I have been on the planet alive and kicking about 6 3/4 years longer than expected. I have done some really amazing things in those seven years and have loved so many people everyday of those seven years.
Fridays procedure should be uneventful and I anticipate being home by Sunday. In the case that it is not uneventful here are a few things I have to say.
1. All the times I sat with my friends family loved ones and ate or drank something not on a heart healthy diet list, I dont regret a single minute or bite of them. If we had laughs and good conversation then I am grateful. Dont ever feel like you should have stopped me or something because that would have ruined our "moments" together. I cherish every one of them. Ice cream, burgers on the grill, alcoholic beverages, coffees, all of them I loved.
2. I realize I have had my down days over the past seven years. Those were days like everyone else has. That my friends was a blessing. For me to feel sad, discouraged, down about whatever that means my life was normal. Which was all I ever prayed for after my heart attack, to be normal again.
3. I wanted to be able to SHOW my children how much I LOVE THEM> I have written about it, taken pictures of them and cried my heart out, laughed til I pee'd with these kids. They are my first thought in the morning and last at night, always in between. What more could a person ever want. Three beautiful, unselfish, charming, funny, smart, generous, witty, conscientious people that I can call MY OWN.
4. Regrets-I have them. But I believe I have come to terms with them. They don't own me anymore. I have come full circle with those people in my life that may have seen me at my worst. I usually behaved badly because I didn't know how else to be. Seems selfish but those people were the ones I LOVED the most.
You know who you are. I will always love you.
5. Jack. The best I could do at this point if I weren't here anymore is offer his loving sisters as the closest thing to his Mom. Jack is a very lucky boy in that he will always have so many people that love him. But NO ONE KNOWS BESIDES HIS SISTERS HOW I WOULD RAISE HIM. Be his example of what a generous and loving Mother is.
6. MYGIRLS. I love these girls with every beat of my heart. I can't wait for the day when they look down at their own little girls and feel that FEELING. Then you will understand what you both mean to me. I could never ever ask for better. Never have I looked at another daughter and thought "I wish my girls were like that." EVER. I have always known I am the luckiest Mom. to the most amazing women.
7. Andy- be sweet, be gentle, be kind, listen. Show other people how much of a comfort you can be at the worst of times. Show other people why I LOVE YOU. Let them in. Let them help. Its ok to say I don't know what to do next, or I need help. Give in and let people that care take over. Our son will need lots of people to raise him. Let his sisters help, his Aunts and Uncles, cousins and friends. I have laughed hardest with you, loved greatest, felt Loved most, and believed that hard work really does pay off. You are a fighter, a scrapper, sweet soul. I will love you always and dream of the safe place in your arms.
8. My MOM. I may get somewhere else, It may just go dark, it may be someplace we have no imagination of. Wherever it is, whatever comes after this I will be with Dad. I will be with him waiting for you. With smiling faces and open arms for whenever we can be together again. No hurry .. really hahah. Just whenever that day is, you know where to find me.
9. Dave Rick and Dan. My oldest friends. My happiest days were with you as kids and adults I could count on you boys to make me laugh and be so proud of who we are. We are a team. I will always be proud of who you three boys are. so very very proud of your work ethic, your loving generous hearts, you great parenting and uncling skills. I am forever your greatest fans.
10. All the people in my lif that have been my friend through good and bad times. Long ago or recent friends I can never replace. AnnMarie, Julie Lorraine, AmyB, Shirley, Joann, Kathy P and the Pearage clan. My nursing school gals and my students over the past 10 years faces and names that have so many places in my heart filled with great memories. Erin my latest great friend and Pam my lost friend that is still my dearest friend. I love you all so very much.
I'm not really going to die on Friday, but geez I am afraid to go. I don't want to leave all my life behind for someone else to enjoy. But if it is meant to be then Iwill go in peace and know that you loved me just as much. Our time on earth is quick, but we will have an eternity together afterwards.
Fridays procedure should be uneventful and I anticipate being home by Sunday. In the case that it is not uneventful here are a few things I have to say.
1. All the times I sat with my friends family loved ones and ate or drank something not on a heart healthy diet list, I dont regret a single minute or bite of them. If we had laughs and good conversation then I am grateful. Dont ever feel like you should have stopped me or something because that would have ruined our "moments" together. I cherish every one of them. Ice cream, burgers on the grill, alcoholic beverages, coffees, all of them I loved.
2. I realize I have had my down days over the past seven years. Those were days like everyone else has. That my friends was a blessing. For me to feel sad, discouraged, down about whatever that means my life was normal. Which was all I ever prayed for after my heart attack, to be normal again.
3. I wanted to be able to SHOW my children how much I LOVE THEM> I have written about it, taken pictures of them and cried my heart out, laughed til I pee'd with these kids. They are my first thought in the morning and last at night, always in between. What more could a person ever want. Three beautiful, unselfish, charming, funny, smart, generous, witty, conscientious people that I can call MY OWN.
4. Regrets-I have them. But I believe I have come to terms with them. They don't own me anymore. I have come full circle with those people in my life that may have seen me at my worst. I usually behaved badly because I didn't know how else to be. Seems selfish but those people were the ones I LOVED the most.
You know who you are. I will always love you.
5. Jack. The best I could do at this point if I weren't here anymore is offer his loving sisters as the closest thing to his Mom. Jack is a very lucky boy in that he will always have so many people that love him. But NO ONE KNOWS BESIDES HIS SISTERS HOW I WOULD RAISE HIM. Be his example of what a generous and loving Mother is.
6. MYGIRLS. I love these girls with every beat of my heart. I can't wait for the day when they look down at their own little girls and feel that FEELING. Then you will understand what you both mean to me. I could never ever ask for better. Never have I looked at another daughter and thought "I wish my girls were like that." EVER. I have always known I am the luckiest Mom. to the most amazing women.
7. Andy- be sweet, be gentle, be kind, listen. Show other people how much of a comfort you can be at the worst of times. Show other people why I LOVE YOU. Let them in. Let them help. Its ok to say I don't know what to do next, or I need help. Give in and let people that care take over. Our son will need lots of people to raise him. Let his sisters help, his Aunts and Uncles, cousins and friends. I have laughed hardest with you, loved greatest, felt Loved most, and believed that hard work really does pay off. You are a fighter, a scrapper, sweet soul. I will love you always and dream of the safe place in your arms.
8. My MOM. I may get somewhere else, It may just go dark, it may be someplace we have no imagination of. Wherever it is, whatever comes after this I will be with Dad. I will be with him waiting for you. With smiling faces and open arms for whenever we can be together again. No hurry .. really hahah. Just whenever that day is, you know where to find me.
9. Dave Rick and Dan. My oldest friends. My happiest days were with you as kids and adults I could count on you boys to make me laugh and be so proud of who we are. We are a team. I will always be proud of who you three boys are. so very very proud of your work ethic, your loving generous hearts, you great parenting and uncling skills. I am forever your greatest fans.
10. All the people in my lif that have been my friend through good and bad times. Long ago or recent friends I can never replace. AnnMarie, Julie Lorraine, AmyB, Shirley, Joann, Kathy P and the Pearage clan. My nursing school gals and my students over the past 10 years faces and names that have so many places in my heart filled with great memories. Erin my latest great friend and Pam my lost friend that is still my dearest friend. I love you all so very much.
I'm not really going to die on Friday, but geez I am afraid to go. I don't want to leave all my life behind for someone else to enjoy. But if it is meant to be then Iwill go in peace and know that you loved me just as much. Our time on earth is quick, but we will have an eternity together afterwards.
Comments