Tonsils in... Tonsils out.

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Allie got her tonsils out today.  It was a morning of normalcy, slept in a little bit.  Rainy cold day with flakes of snow.  I was not thinking about the procedure much at all.  I have been so OVERWHELMED with my life the past month with everything going on.  Tonsillectomy was in my head but not processed until we were at the hospital.  We have a relationship that is really quite unusual.  I am her Mother.  I have the power of being the Mother.  She listens to me, respects me and I am the parent.  We are also friends.  She is my best friend.  If I get an opportunity to do something, it is Allie that I want to do it with.  Imagine a vacation, trip, concert, museum, art show yup, its she that is my partner.
Does she feel the same about me?  I think so within reason.  She is in love, and of course her choice for a vacation to the Bahamas would be her boyfriend.  Understand... really I do. 
So here we are at the hospital, and it suddenly hits me.  She is going under anesthesia and having parts of her body removed.  The body that I made.  (with some help from her Father, but not much hahah)  I suddenly started to get scared.  Fearful I would never see her again.  Thoughts of loss started flooding my brain.  I was verging on panic when she noticed and started cracking jokes.  We laughed tooo loud in pre op and got dirty looks from nurses and a few finger shooshing from the staff.  The Surgeon came to see us and we chatted he told us all would be well and no problem.  ok. 
They came back gave her two injections into the iv line and she immediately said "whoooo"  They started wheeling her away as I was escorted back to the waiting room.  I froze and the gurney rolled the hall away from me. 
"I LOVE YOU GUPPER!"
"I LOVE YOU TOO MAMA BEAR, NO WORRIES"
I waited, drank a coffee, watched the view, saw the news.  I dont remember any of that.
40 minutes later the surgeon was at my side.  sweaty, sketchy.
"Wow that was quick, shes ok?"
"Yeah yeah we are all done shes good, Those were monstrous infected tonsils."
Yes I know.
I can see her in five minutes after they clean her up.
OK
I go inside and she was crying, tears on her face and her eyes and face are fearful groggy but disturbing look.
"WHATHAPPENED?"
"i couldn't breath and I panicked.  I think I hit the nurses and I was yelling and fighting them.  I couldn't breathe at all I was scared."
I help her hand stroked her hair and thanked God for this very moment.  "Thank you God for keeping my baby safe and helping her."
I cant live without her.  truly WONT LIVE without her.
We got her meds got her a few drinks lots of popsicles.  She is in her room with her boyfriend, who sent her flowers.  (extra good boy points)  Although he is terribly allergic to cats he is here sneezing and itching away.  I hope she gets some rest tonight, I know how hard this is since I had mine out at 32.  swallowing razor blades for a week is no fun.
So the message tonight?  I adore this kid.  She is my light at the end of the tunnel, I hope to never be a burden to her.
Have a good night tonight everyone, and my Allie girl sleep tight and painfree.  I love you every beat of this broken heart of mine.

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