Flaming June's Love

Mothers Day was this weekend. I'm usually not the Hallmark Holiday kind of gal,but if you don't recognize it you appear... bitchy. I like to think of Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Valentines Day, as the three most over rated DAYS of the year. If you don't get it 364 other days of the year, you aren't THERE yet. Mothers day to me...is when you FEEL LIKE A MOTHER. That happens a few times a day, "pick up your shoes" "Wash your hands." "Call the dentist." But really feeling like Mother, the mother that no one else could be... to your children,  that comes... IF YOUR LUCKY.. a few times a year. When your son is on stage for the Christmas show in his new suit, looking sparkling, shining, like a ray of light is only on him?  When you blow him a kiss from some obscure seat in a large auditiorium, because I just couldn't contain myself... He saw me, He caught my kiss,and blew one back... Because I am his Mother. No one else could throw...

Define crazy. That was a crazy good time. Her hair was crazy curly. I had some crazy dreams last night. I was so pissed I went all crazy on him. I wanted to leave my baby at the mall. I looked over the side of the bridge and wondered how long til I hit the water. Pulling into the airport and NOT have a return flight ticket, then watch the prepaid flight takeoff without you. Crazy weather we're having today. My dream of someday being alone in an apartment in ANY city, dressing in clothes that are comfortable, not necessarily matching, learning to finally play any instrument, and crochet, and paint my first painting. Chat with people in parks, ride my bike-without a helmet so I hear the world rush by in my long grey hair. Big salad for lunch, pancakes for dinner.  30 different flavors of teas in the cupboard but only drink one.  Never call anyone, unless I have something really amazing to say.  I hate obligatory phone calls.  Spend days with the same perso...

Swimming naked in Mountain lake with the Pearages and Jones's an hour or two before dawn? Running through Neptune NJ, after my friend Diane when she failed out of Nursing School? Going for a ride on the back of a motorcycle, with a "friend" all along the beach in NJ, then telling them< "ILL never see you again, you know that right?"? Smoking cigarettes with drug addicts and alcoholics, and having some of my best conversations? Sitting next to Betty Ford for dinner and showing her pictures of my daughters? Drinking beer in Amy's basement at 17 and dancing around to Rick Springfield and Pat Benatar? Looking for a date on a dating site, to just "Mess around with once a week" ? Then marrying him? Skinny dipping in the pool out the mountain after too much beer, but even more laughs? Driving around tims apartment in the middle of the night, spying on him, becasue I just couldnt STEP away? Are these all of  uhh yeah?'s....nope. But for ...

Jack and I went to church on Easter Sunday morning.  I know that shouldn't be a big deal since he goes to Catholic school and I like to consider myself,,, spiritual. We were lying in bed, the three of us, as usual. And I was thinking about what needed to be done for dinner to get finished.  Two sleepy eyed boys snuggled in the bed arms, legs, and lots of hot breath. I was thinking about the show The Bible that I have been watching and how thoughts of Jesus have been creepin ginto my everyday life since.  Silly times of the day.. Jesus and God have been a part of my life.  The thought of Jesus as a prophet, just a prophet? or the Son Of God? While I was in the grocery store the other day an older woman who was dirty and alone.  Not a sweet old lady, but a dirty, smelly, aparantly mean lady. How easy it would be to be nice to the sweet old lady, how hard it is to be pleasant to the dirty mean one.? Is the message from Jesus to be generous kind to EV...

hum·ble (h m b l) adj. hum·bler , hum·blest 1. Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful. 2. Showing deferential or submissive respect: a humble apology. 3. Low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly: a humble cottage     Just when I started blogging about how miserable I can get about the state of things in my life, I am reminded... You are a very VERY lucky girl. So everyone has the right to complain, but should we? I am taking a break from the complaining part of my life, I am now going to rejoice the blessings, far too  numerous to count, and praising God for my good fortune.   When Allie called on Sunday to say she had a bellyache, I immediately went to the, aw you were out last night, had a bit too much fun, take two tylenol you will be alright. When she continued to complain on monday and said her pain moved to the lower right, it hit me... She might be sick? Some...

The sun was out this morning, early spring sun was pouring in our shadeless bedroom window at 7 am.  After a night out with my Andy to the Karen Lavan Bokelman foundation celebration, I was feeling a bit foggy this am.  Yes, I drank beer and a vodka on the rocks in the middle of all the beer, it was well needed and deserved.  I laughed alot, smiled alot, chatted alot and felt kind of pretty.  It has been a rough, ROUGH two weeks with the boy.  Of course these weeks are not as bad as they used to be, but... Im a tired Mama bird when it comes to the EVERYDAY crap. That said-I had a chance to hang with my Andy last night.  I got to watch him interact with people that we like.  He chatted with his cousin Micheal who makes him happy and feel comfortable with.  I watched him from afar alot, just observing him while I collected tickets, or stood at the bar with a few people. He really is a beautiful person.  I was sitting with a woman named Cath...

Our home growing up was very, very small.  I don't recall it bothering me or being anything of an issue at the time.  But now as I look back I can only imagine the time my Mom had keeping it neat and tidy with 4 kids, a dog, and my Dad to deal with.  All of our "stuff". My room was painted a light pink, with bright raspberry trim.  My carpet was grey.  All my furniture was painted white.  I had a bedspread that was patchwork and everything had a place.  There was a closet in my room, but it was filled with my Moms clothes and shoes, hats, coats and belts. That door would only close and latch if you pushed hard and heard the click of the handle. Once it was shut, you wouldn't dare open it-for fear of the BOING of clothes! It was certainly neat, but JAMMED full of stuff. When I got in a mood, which didnt happen often I would climb into the closet and sit on the shoes.  Then pull the door closed behind me and wait for the click.  That mean...