It is down deep.
The sun was out this morning, early spring sun was pouring in our shadeless bedroom window at 7 am. After a night out with my Andy to the Karen Lavan Bokelman foundation celebration, I was feeling a bit foggy this am.
Yes, I drank beer and a vodka on the rocks in the middle of all the beer, it was well needed and deserved. I laughed alot, smiled alot, chatted alot and felt kind of pretty. It has been a rough, ROUGH two weeks with the boy. Of course these weeks are not as bad as they used to be, but... Im a tired Mama bird when it comes to the EVERYDAY crap.
That said-I had a chance to hang with my Andy last night. I got to watch him interact with people that we like. He chatted with his cousin Micheal who makes him happy and feel comfortable with. I watched him from afar alot, just observing him while I collected tickets, or stood at the bar with a few people.
He really is a beautiful person.
I was sitting with a woman named Cathy, whe is cousins with a cousin(?) She was sayingn what a good looking man my husband is.
She was sincere and sweet.
This moring with the sun coming in through the windows, I looked at him.
Sleeping.
I just touched his face, all whiskery grey and black.
long dark lashes, full lips.
I never get to just look at my husband. Hes always moving, going, talking.
This was a moment in time alone with him, without all the barriers up they he is so good at.
His smile that is so cheesy most times, is usually a cover for something deep and simmering.
His words which are endless, are a way for him to convey ALL the stuff hes thinking about, but usually an attempt to keep people from asking too much about HIM. He likes talk about topics other than HIM>
While I admired this guy I've grown to Love and Hate at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder why I havent seen this peaceful Andy that often?
Probably because he is usually anticipating my moves, thoughts, actions, needs.
Thats exactly what I wanted when I thought about another husband SOMEDAY.
I readjusted the blankets and pillows to ease the pounding post beer consumption headache.
As I turned my 300 pound head to fluff in a pillow, I tucked my arms up to my chest and snuggled in close to my guy.
Face to face, his eyes closed, I could feel his breath on my face.
I kissed his lips, soft and gentle.
then tucked back down into my husband, blanket, pillow coccoon.
With my achy head, and boozy breath, I lay there in spring sun with my bear like hubby snoozing away.
It was a moment when all the BOY-INDUCED Craziness, seemed far far away.
Even in his sleep he can make it better.
I think when he was asleep he was BETTER at making things BETTER just by not trying too hard.
Just being here, and warm and a safe landing spot.
I closed my eyes, and slept a few minutes more tucked intight.
To be woken by his voice whispering,
"boooooozy, boooooozy, BOOOOOZY JONES, wake up....."
"WHOOOOOOO has a headache/ Boooooozy JONES....."
Ah theres my Andy. Today... I'll keep him.
Yes, I drank beer and a vodka on the rocks in the middle of all the beer, it was well needed and deserved. I laughed alot, smiled alot, chatted alot and felt kind of pretty. It has been a rough, ROUGH two weeks with the boy. Of course these weeks are not as bad as they used to be, but... Im a tired Mama bird when it comes to the EVERYDAY crap.
That said-I had a chance to hang with my Andy last night. I got to watch him interact with people that we like. He chatted with his cousin Micheal who makes him happy and feel comfortable with. I watched him from afar alot, just observing him while I collected tickets, or stood at the bar with a few people.
He really is a beautiful person.
I was sitting with a woman named Cathy, whe is cousins with a cousin(?) She was sayingn what a good looking man my husband is.
She was sincere and sweet.
This moring with the sun coming in through the windows, I looked at him.
Sleeping.
I just touched his face, all whiskery grey and black.
long dark lashes, full lips.
I never get to just look at my husband. Hes always moving, going, talking.
This was a moment in time alone with him, without all the barriers up they he is so good at.
His smile that is so cheesy most times, is usually a cover for something deep and simmering.
His words which are endless, are a way for him to convey ALL the stuff hes thinking about, but usually an attempt to keep people from asking too much about HIM. He likes talk about topics other than HIM>
While I admired this guy I've grown to Love and Hate at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder why I havent seen this peaceful Andy that often?
Probably because he is usually anticipating my moves, thoughts, actions, needs.
Thats exactly what I wanted when I thought about another husband SOMEDAY.
I readjusted the blankets and pillows to ease the pounding post beer consumption headache.
As I turned my 300 pound head to fluff in a pillow, I tucked my arms up to my chest and snuggled in close to my guy.
Face to face, his eyes closed, I could feel his breath on my face.
I kissed his lips, soft and gentle.
then tucked back down into my husband, blanket, pillow coccoon.
With my achy head, and boozy breath, I lay there in spring sun with my bear like hubby snoozing away.
It was a moment when all the BOY-INDUCED Craziness, seemed far far away.
Even in his sleep he can make it better.
I think when he was asleep he was BETTER at making things BETTER just by not trying too hard.
Just being here, and warm and a safe landing spot.
I closed my eyes, and slept a few minutes more tucked intight.
To be woken by his voice whispering,
"boooooozy, boooooozy, BOOOOOZY JONES, wake up....."
"WHOOOOOOO has a headache/ Boooooozy JONES....."
Ah theres my Andy. Today... I'll keep him.
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