Flaming June's Love

Well the holidays are officially over and I am still breathing and feeling. I have anticipated the death of my parents since I was a child. I think everyone as a young one thinks aboutt the day their mom might die or their father. Almost like the day you have children or get married or something, because they are such turning points in your life. Anyway I always thought my life would just be over when that day arrived. I have felt that feeling that nothing is as good without my dad but I survived this dreaded holiday and we did alright. Last night my daughter had her girlfriends over and they played cards and did 15 yo girl stuff. Allie and her boyfriend went to her friends house for a "couples" party. Mom was, or seemed alright with being home and listening to records and reminiscing I think. I am sure it is a terrible thing to think back on almost 50 years with someone then spend your first alone. I would haver been with her but she wanted to be alone. So I was he...

I received alot of nice things this holiday season. I am posting some pics of my favorite things. My inlaws came over last night and we exchanged gifts. They have always been very generous to me and the girls even though they are not their biological grandchildren. Jack is the apple of their eyes though. They brought thoughtful gifts for the girls and Andy and I. My father in law is an avid collector as am I. I love antiques and the history behind any piece of furniture, jewelry, china, literature, anything old. He knows this and brought me a wonderful gift. It is an antique rocker built in 1830. The chair is so comfortable I cannnot put into words. It seems to fit my body perfectly. There is not a single squeak and my feet touch the floor perfectly for a rocker. It is painted blue with natural oak arms. I absolutlely adore it and cant wait to rock our boy in it tonight. I sat there before and just imagined the Mothers before me for generations rocking their babies that ...

A dear friend of mine called yesterday to see how our holiday went. Pam and I have been friends for 15 years. We chatted and caught up on all the news. She then said she had to tell me something and she didnt want me to get upset. uhoh.... She prefaced everything with she loves me, would not say or do anything intentionally to hurt me. ok hit me. She and her husband were here for my dads funeral and then came to visit again in October. She noticed how much weight I have gained and is worried about me and the condition of my heart. As we all know I had heart attacks and bypass a year and half ago. The most frightening thing ever in my life. I know that the worst thing for me is to be gaining so much weight, and I know better. I swear I am addicted to food now that I dont smoke. I told my mom about it and she agreed, I really need to get back to the gym and she wants to go to Weight watchers. I need to do it for my kids my husband, and mostly for myself.

We had a beautiful day. Mt children and husband were all happy to receive and most of all to give to one another. I have attached a few photos from the am and hope to pull up a few more. I received a beautiful charm bracelet, and new watch. Both are gorgeous and a surprise. perfume, and socks, a chocolate fountain a new throw blanket from Allie. We spent the day at my moms with my brother and the families. ate alot and chitchatted. My Father was missed but we didnt bring it up. I wrote out a card for him and put it on his box. I cried and toldhim we missed him but we will be ok. I hope anyone that reads this has a beautiful holiday season and a blessed new year.

Here we go... The holiday is officially starting. My brother has arrived from Syracuse with his family and they are at my Moms now. We had chinese food for dinner to just have something to do so as to not talk to much. Tears are so close to the surface for all of us that too much talk is sure to trigger something. For example during dinner my brother mentioned a christmas from our childhood, the tradition of opening only one gift from a family member on christmas eve. I looked at my mom and she was looking down. I know we are going through hard times without Dad but we have to keep moving. Dave.. The oldest brother dramatic, sensitive, 12 years recovery, very very opinionated. Rick.. wild at heart, the trouble child, the most dear friend my Dad had. short tempered, smart, analytical Dan.. Mother to t he tea, quiet, thoughtful, smart, sensitive, handsome, committed. Me.. The baby, dont know, you would know better. Rick lives in New Mexico and wont be in for the holiday, I mis...

This year I was able to buy everything I wanted to for the children and the family. I know my husband knew I was hurting and didnt put a spending limit on me. I didnt go nuts but I did get the girls jewelry and clothes and shoes and toys. Money doesnt change anything but I believe the "things" will make us all happier to RECEIVE. I sooo enjoyed looking for everyone else. Special stuff for my mom and stuff for my mother inlaw. My brothers we got books with sentimental value. All is well. Andy is changing his job and will be working closer to home for now on. I am happy about that. We will be gettting a new home soon and I will like having him home. Jack is also loving up fhis Daddy more and More. everyday he sees his dad he hugs and kisses him and just loves him to pieces. My girls are fine. Missi is at the mall with her posse, and Allie is working. Her boyfriend is home from college so she is back to being her happy self all the time. Young love. I will write a...