Flaming June's Love

I WANT IT TO SNOW-PLEASE JACK WANTS A SNOWMAN. I WANT A SNOW DAY WITH CHILI AND HOME MADE BREAD. COLD TOES, SNOW IN BOOTS, RED CHEEKS, QUIET. C'MON JUST ONE BIG ONE THEN IT CAN ALL MELT. THANK YOU

Ok so I get the word I only have a month to live and I get anything I want wishes. Anything. First I wish for 20 years- oh yeah thats not allowed in Suzie imaginary wish dream sequence. Second wish for Pop to come back like nothing ever happened go back to July 06 and start the whole disaster over. All new decisions, choices and all would be "perfect". Nope not on the wish abilities. OK so here goes. I get a month to spend with all my favorite people. The first two weeks on a tropical island designated for all my Loved ones. Friends, family, coworkers, past lovers and anyone that meant anything to me at any time would be there. Why not, Im dead in a month anyway so why not reminisce about the good, the bad, and the "not so great decisions." We would have a two week vacation with free flowing tropical umbrella drinks and naps on the beach as I tell people why I loved them, exactly WHY I LOVE THEM. Not because they are my third cousin twice removed but because the...

We ate pastie tonight. You know meat and potato pie? That stuff can kill a gut, then throw some birthday cake and shrimp on top and you feel like shit. I was lying in bed tonight with my Andy and just groaned a little groan and rubbed the ole belly and he said, "there are tums in my overnight bag." simple gesture right? I didnt ask for Tums. Never said a word. He read my mind. The man with the biggest feet on the planet and a "whisper" voice that makes the dog growl read my Fu&*ing mind. He brought my phone to work the other morning because I left it on the kitchen counter. Yup the day after I told him I was no longer going to chase him around the house with a ringing cell phone in my hand screaming "should I answer it!!!!!" I told him he needed to be more responsible for his phone andnot leave it laying around. "what if I need you?" Yeah, that was me. Same Butthead that took the phone from his hand at work and shooed him out the door so I c...

Yeah I am feeling better. Emotionally and physically. I believe menopause has hit me. It is amazing that a few short hours after getting my period which was three weeks late, I am back to my old self. I return to the woman that loves her family and husband and wants to make a big dinner for everyone. Not to say I wouldnt love to have that shoppe someday, I just dont want to leave everyone behind, and disappear. I will call my ob gyn and find some hormones maybe for this transition. Andy and I were talking about this event that is befallen us. MENOPAUSE> end to childbearing years that leaves a woman hormonally unstable and deficient. SO my excuse for my weepy, self indulgent, pathetic week (or two) ------- Hormones, or lack of them. It is 9 30 on a Sunday morning, I am sitting in the recliner and Jack is busy playing with his cars, and new Zhou Zhou pets. He put the zhou zhou in RC Lightning McQueen and drove it around the house. I am making biscuits and some scrambled eggs. drinking...

Kurt Vonnegut's 1997 MIT commencement speech: "Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blin...

Im not feeling it tonight. Not even a little. I am feeling like a failure, I feel disconnected from my choices and flailing at the last second treading water. I came to the realization that I feel bound by the overwhelming idea, "what difference does it make I am going to die soon anyway." I am not asking anyone to respond or worry, I feel fine. Physically I am doing fine. Emotionally I feel over. I have been using the decision making tool that "Does it affect me now?, No, then I dont care." I am living in one sense by the minute, but in another way I am not making any decisions or choices today for the long run. I dont have retirement-I dont need it. I dont worry too much about my marriage, just get through today, he can meet someone else when I am gone. I am not looking for a different job because, what else is there other than a paycheck? I follow a blog that the writer is always brainstorming new jobs, adventures, relationship possibilities,. I realize I dont do...

I'm just so tired Won't you sing me to sleep And fly through my dreams So I can hitch a ride with you tonight And get away from this place Have a new name and face I just ain't the same without you in my life Late night drives, all alone in my car I can't help but start Singing lines from all our favorite songs And melodies in the air Singin' life just ain't fair Sometimes I still just can't believe you're gone And I'm sure the view from heaven Beats the hell out of mine here And if we all believe in heaven, Maybe we'll make it through one more year Down here Feel your fire, When its cold in my heart And things sorta start Remindin' me of my last night with you I only need one more day Just one more chance to say I wish that I had gone up with you too And I'm sure the view from heaven Beats the hell out of mine here And if we all believe in heaven Maybe we'll make it through one more year Down here You won't be comin' back And...

Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never Is, but always To be blest: The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home, Rests and expatiates in a life to come. -Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man, Epistle I, 1733 My number one favorite movie. Peggy Sue was not a huge hit at the time it came out, and to be honest I dont remember seeing it at the time. I believe it wasnt until I "knew" what she was feeling concerning the love for her children, and the Love/Hate she had for her husband that I really got it. This clip is a compilation of some of the best scenes. My favorites include her phone call with her grandmother, answering the phone as an innocent young girl and realizing she hadnt heard her voice in many years. I can just imagine hearing my Nana's voice again. What would I say? Other than you were the best and I wish you could have one day with all of us. My oldest daughter is named after you and my Mother. Could there be anything better than that? When Peggy has...

The girls and I went to Jim and Pams this weekend for a visit. We got together and it was as if we had never been apart. If I try to recall what the argument was about it was rediculous really. I enjoyed the time with them and ALlie got to see a Dr that she needed to and all is well with her. (Girl stuff, you know private) I must admit though the best part of the weekend was spending time with the girls. We had dinner out on Friday nigh and chatted without the interruptions that having jack and Andy brings. It was like old days. A smarting reminder of what my life could have been had I not had Jack. I do think about that. I am not perfect, nor am I void of the realization that my life was heading towards EASY by the time I got pregnant with Jack. I know that everyday when I think of my friends that have children the same age as the girls that are on long weekends with girlfriends. Dinners whenever they want with SO's. I would love to say that I dont EVER feel a tinge of the...