gravity

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The girls and I went to Jim and Pams this weekend for a visit. We got together and it was as if we had never been apart. If I try to recall what the argument was about it was rediculous really.
I enjoyed the time with them and ALlie got to see a Dr that she needed to and all is well with her. (Girl stuff, you know private)
I must admit though the best part of the weekend was spending time with the girls. We had dinner out on Friday nigh and chatted without the interruptions that having jack and Andy brings. It was like old days.
A smarting reminder of what my life could have been had I not had Jack.
I do think about that. I am not perfect, nor am I void of the realization that my life was heading towards EASY by the time I got pregnant with Jack.
I know that everyday when I think of my friends that have children the same age as the girls that are on long weekends with girlfriends. Dinners whenever they want with SO's.
I would love to say that I dont EVER feel a tinge of the "WhatIF's" or "WHY".
I do.
All the time.
I am an old Mom. I am a tired Mom.
I have been doing this a long time and sometimes I just want the issues of 20 and 18.
I have a four year old boy with some real issues.
How and why are really long ago questions I should have asked myself.
Now I just need to answer the questions of where do I find the energy?
How do I keep up.?
I love my son. dearly.
I cant say I regret having him for he saved my life and I wouldn't be here without him.
I am hopeful the outcome of Jack is going to be quite astonishing because his entrance was quite inspiring, his life to this point interesting to say the least.
I fear he wont ever catch up, or will forever be a difficult kid.
Love to all.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Everything is always fine in the end. Jack's problems just aren't quite at their end yet. I have no doubt in my mind he will end up just as amazing as your girls.
9:08 AM
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