Flaming June's Love

Marriage isnt all its cracked up to be. I learned that the first time around and Ive learned it again the second time. Difference is though.... This time, I have been more pleasantly surprised by who this man has turned into than I ever expected. My "event" last week really held a mirror up to my face and made me ask the question "are you ready to go?" I dont want to go.  I want to see my Jack grow up a bit more, and see my baby owen a bit longer. I love my husband, It has been hard to come to grips with that fact sometimes, but he is the love of my life. I have loved ALOT in my life, hahhahaha But Andy has proven to be far beyond anything I could have imagined. He is an excellent father  attentive to Jack. He loves my girls and the son in laws and of course Owen beyond words. He loves and cares for my Mother. Is it perfect, no way. But when it comes to caring for me, he is the man. He truly loves me.  Some have never had that feeling.  I know in my h...

Jack and I were snuggled up the other night when Andy was away on business.  We were watching NatGeo channel and they were talking about the Incans civilizationand how they buried their favorite things with them.  Jack said  "Mom, do you remember the day before Honeydog died? it was just a regular day and we didnt even know it was the last regular day.  She was under the table like she always was while I did my homework and I pet her with my foot and we were happy.  I didnt play with her or do anything special with her that day.  Then she was gone.  We didnt even know our lives were going to change." We talked about Honey and that she was a happy dog, and lived a long good life with us.  She didnt need a big sendoff, she had lived life everyday loving us.  In her simple doggy ways.  We loved her in our simple everyday Honey dog family ways.  He cried.  He talked about not knowing his Pop, how his life would be different ha...

Yes its been a while. My only excuse is FB stole my groove. The daily thoughts and events that used to fill this blogg now get condensed and white washed inorder to share them quickly on FB. I find my life is too big for that anymore, along with FB is filled with fakers. Yes they like yoour life, post, food, vacation, dog, babies. But then its over. I need to feel a connection, even if its only a few people, I need to purge to people that like it! So my list of upcoming posts Owen Reilly... Allie, Missi and Jack Jack, Jack and more Jack Heart disease Dying ( a common thread, wherever I am) Living My mother and brothers. My Andy, the man I hate to love and love to love.  yes the dichotomy of it all. MS and all that it entails Lesbians, Homosexuals and what that means to me now, then, and daily. Donald Trump;;; My music lately books Im reading and writing in my head. My ex husband. If you read along with the lawt 10 or so years when I was active, you see that ...

Forever and a day right? Im going to try and write again.  Andy got me a new computer for Christmas so I will have the availability again since my last one shit the bed. Lots of new things have happened. Lots of old things have stayed the same. I will just write as if I've never been gone and catch you all up as we work our way down this path again. I know some of my healing was achieved through writing here, I can use some introspection and truth in my life.   so here we go again, thanks for joining. Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. Khalil Gibran Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/search_results.html?q=kahlil+gibrahn&pg=2 Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. Khalil Gibran Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/search_results.html?q=kahlil+gibrahn&pg=2 Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the mo...

When I think about blogging I wonder what could I write about?  I do think Facebook has taken away some of my vigor for this blog since I get to communicate alot of my dailys from that source. Whats new? I work at the same place for over a year!  Thats a big one.  Although it is back in the same school my career began, it is a nice predictable career.  I do make changes in peoples lives and I do like that.. I sometimes forget the impact I can have.  Until I see osmeone out in public and they are working in their field of study and HAPPY, supporting their children, and adding to society.  I didnt do that alone, but boy is it nice to think I had a hand in it. Allie and Ryan are good.  Married a bit over 6 moths, they seem to have a routine.  They hae a lovely home, and they both work hard.  The behave like an old married couple, predictable, routine, but they like that.  They went to Texas a fe weeks ago for a getaway and had fun. ...

Its that time of year again, visiting Philadelphia for the checkup. Im usually excited to go tot the city and gofor a nice dinner with Andy and maybe take a walk through the sites. I think I ll go tot the museum on Friday after my appt. We can desguise the trip as a "fun" time. But right under the surface, I know, It is a trip to check on the heart. Make sure its still banging away ti was meant to be. One of these times it will not be ok. I know that. Almost 11 years with no problems at all.  Not a single hiccup. And I know when it does happen Ill be scared. Cant think about that too much, or you ruin today. So for now, I think of a nice dinner in Philly with my guy, a walk down some historic spot that Andy will find for me. Hopefull a fe hours in the museum. But not until I meet with the guy that tells me, either 1. see you in six months or 2. Why dont you stay a day or two and we will catch up on some tests. Lets hope for the first option.

This is the ONE. 700 photographs from Allie and Ryans wedding. This one says it all for the past 26 years. The photographer actually didnt take this one. One of allies friends took it. It surely isnt set up since her cutoffs and dress hanger are in the background. It was one of the only times during this day that I wnated to cry.  So close I was. Dont hold her too close or I wont let go. Dont look at her, I wont let go. Dont say anything I wont let go. As a 22 year old kid, I had this baby.  Oh she was cute alright, but she cried constantly for the first 6 months. At one point I thought if I left her at the mall, someone nice would take her. Then something happened. Sh started to talk, and smile, and laugh with me. My heart opened up a whole new chapter. Named Allie. I know that marriage, time, children, distance will never change the relationship we have. My tears are more of a recognition of how much she means to me. My world has been the "GIRLS" sinc...