Flaming June's Love

It is not that I dont have anything to say, because I do. I just dont know if I want to anymore. Out loud. Lets see.... I busted through the other side of my season of sadness always the early fall. came out to greet Thanksgiving and Christmas with a positive attitude. Here I am in mid February, feeling, the same. All of the stuff that was there last year, still here this year. But... this year... I am okay with being HERE. Literally and figuratively. HERE is a lucky, healthy,manageable, mostly predictable, good place. Is it perfect? No.  Am I settling for something less than I deserve, or desire,. No.  I am actually happy with where we are. The girls are good. Our boy.. is good. My man is happy, feeling fullfilled sooo a happy daddy. I am good. Is it ok to feed off of all of them? They are happy, I am happy? Be3cause that is how it works.  At least for now. I have been writing most of these years to purge,empty myself on the page so I didnt stew mys...

"Brave" You can be amazing You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug You can be the outcast Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love Or you can start speaking up Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do When they settle ‘neath your skin Kept on the inside and no sunlight Sometimes a shadow wins But I wonder what would happen if you Say what you wanna say And let the words fall out Honestly I wanna see you be brave With what you want to say And let the words fall out Honestly I wanna see you be brave Everybody’s been there, Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy Fallen for the fear And done some disappearing, Bow down to the mighty Don’t run, stop holding your tongue Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live Maybe one of these days you can let the light in Show me how big your brave is And since your history of silence Won’t do you any good, Did you think it would? Let your words be anything but empty Why don’t...

My two boys are CONSTANTLY on the go.  Andy is either at work, soccer, borough building, fire calls, or one of the apartments.  I am accustomed to it, and wactually LIKE when he is busy so I can do my thing.  Our boy Jack is very much the same way.  He is an on the go  kind of kid.  When they do stop, I like to catch it.  The first is Andy sleeping in the lounger out the mountain on Labor day.  Yes he sleeps like that.  He looks like hes ready to jump  up and do something.  ALL THE TIME.  The next is when Jack slowed down enough over that day to realize Daddy had stopped, then he landed on him.  Just like this,, underwear hanging out of his camo shorts. The last is one evening this summer, the boy fell asleep early all snuggled up and Daddy decided he looks cozy, and FELL ASLEEP WITH HIM!!!  perfect. I like these pictures, my boys,quiet. resting, peaceful.. QUIET. quiet. Ramping up for Autumn. Feeling ve...

Every leaf speaks bliss to me, Fluttering from the autumn tree. Emily Bronte Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold, Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay. Robert Frost Nothing Gold Can Stay. This leaf I picked up out the mountain over labor day weekend.  I have it on the hood of our car, I didnt intend for it to turn out so cool looking with the reflection, but it is pretty. What can i say about the fall?  It seems like more of a new begining to me than new years eve. Restart of school for everyone. Myself, a new semester, Missi starting her lat semester of in class at LCCC until she begins her internship in January. Jack begining second grade which has been really good so far.  Soccer games, started karate with the boy. I like the rebirth of spring, but there is something to be said about shedding what we have, to be left ...

 This is Allies 10th Birthday, in the top photo.  Missi is 8.  The same age that Jack is now.  The bottom photo is on our bike trip to Lehigh Gorge, the first summer I was with Andy.  They were 12 and 10.   This is Missis 8th grade graduation.  I bought her dress with modesty in mind since she was in EIGHTH GRADE!  The other girls looked 20.  Not our girl.  Most beautiful girl there.  Here is our Bitty looking so much like Allie  She was a Junior in HS.  Allie her senior year, Cheerleading best friend Kellie.  Kellie is now an anchor woman in Ithaca NY. Jack and MaryJane, today.  What will we say about this picture 10 years from now? 15? 20? I can look back on photos of the girls and remember the day they were taken, smell the fall air of Allies cheering days.  The spring flowers of Missis graduation from Saint Nicks school.  Even down to the clothes they are wearing in some of the p...

For Terry I I have known Sandy for 15 years.  When we met we were both instructors at a little school in Edwardsville.  She was divorced and had a young son.  He was about 15 when we met.  Handsome, tall, and had two different color eyes.  One was a crazy green the other blue.I remember he would come into school when he reached his late teens and visit his Mom, she would show him off, and he loved it. He obviously adored his Mom.   He was charming.  For a young man he could talk to anyone, had a contagious smile and could make you feel comfortable. He joined the marines right out of HS.  Spent a few years in the Corp and then returned home and got in  the Union as a pipe fitter.  We crossed paths again when he began dating one of my good friends.  He was now in his early twenties and we actually went out all together a few times.  Now he was grown up and I found out just what a super guy he was.   He...

This is my girl Allie at the John Mayer concert.  We were in the first row of the second section.  We had good seats, not first row, but good seats.  I have loved John Mayers music since Allie and her friends introduced him to me when they were in HS.  I spent a lot of time singing along with him, in my kitchen on Gardner ave, in my car, on my earphones and plenty of time with HIM in this house.  Ive cried along, smiled, sung my heart out. What is it about him that I love?  He is an honest writer.  AND He makes truly BIG MISTAKES. He had a few years of talking about things he shouldnt, old girlfriends and things.  He got alot of bad press which he deserved. I love that about him.  I had some tough years of saying things I shouldnt say, then.... I SHUT UP. So did he. SO far. hahaha As of today he if still goofy, super smart, deep deep deep and apparently changed. Grown up. A bit. Anyway, the beautiful girl, yeah she is my girl. My ...