Flaming June's Love

I was just reading a fellow bloggers take on being and having a sister.  I am a sister but don't have one. When I was pregnant with Allie I prayed for a girl.  Tim used to yell at me saying I was junxing him with girls.  I always wanted two girls.  When they were little they shared a room.   From the day missi came home from the hospital they shared a room.  I rememebr telling Allie to whisper her dreams because he "Baby" was in the crib.  She would hold her and feed her and look at her lying in her playpen. Interestingly enough they were never much for "playing" together, Allie wasnt a play kind of kid.  Missi did all the playing and Allie did all the watching.  Mothering. They had seperate beds but shared a room until 1999.  Thats when we bought the  house at 102 Gardner.  allies room was 8x8.  A closet in most homes.  Missi room was the nursery, larger but attached to the mster bedroom by a door, wh...

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. C. Northcote Parkinson Had a lovely weekend with the gals from AMSON.  There was alot of chat, and memories and current thiggngs in everyones lives.  It was all good. What I found, personally was, how fat I am compared to the rest of the gals. How is it that I am the one with 8 years post bypass heart surgery, poor cardiac output, high risk for repeat fatal MI, and I am the fattest one here>? How does it happen that the snacks are out and I am eating all of them as if I am having a TREAT, when OBVIOUSLY these ar items I take part in often. Was everyone bikini ready?  absolutely not..but we are 47, 48 year old women, and thats ok. But really, I was walking on the beach and short of breath from the sand and carrying my beach chair. Why do I continure these poor choices?  I have glimpses of knowing that I am going to die prematurely form Heart disease.  I know that.  But if you give someone opportunities that h...

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future." -Oscar Wilde Someone is asking questions.  Or hypothetically I am anticipating someone asking questions about me, my past, my choices to act...or not to act. Why would anyone other than my immediate family really care?  I don't think they will. But I still have to wonder... If "people" brought you into the public eye, even for a few minutes could you pass the scrutiny of critics? Andy has won the Republican nomination for Mayor in our little town.  This is both exciting and terrifying in Suzie world. I was firmly, unequivocaly against the idea. I am a private person, I like my "bubble" to be small and tight. Now our bubble will be "public domain" because of Andys desire to serve this community. Yeah yeah yeah, its an honorable undertaking, since he has true intentions and ideas to help the town. But what about the rest of us? I dropped Jack at school this morning and the Principal s...

Sometimes... I just look at them. And then I look again, take a deep breath, sigh a bit... warm tears fill my eyes, and clench my fists a bit. This Memorial day weekend I was able to have all three of my children together, and I got to enjoy all THREE of them.  It was a mixture of Jack being FINALLY able to play with the other kids and enjoy himself.  The girls had their guys with them and a few friends.  So everyone was happy.  Andy and the boys had fun.  Tim was there and as usual we enjoyed watching our girls just BE. My Mom was relaxed and happy, Dave and Dan were there.  Always makes me want more, and wish for Rick.  But we had a really nice, relaxing, soul refrshing weekend. Then on Memorial day jack and Louis got to ride in an antique firetruck during the parade. Can I say how lucky I am to have great friends, that LOVE me and my family. I felt blessed this weekend.  Just look at the girls. Look at he boys, Ryan, Brandon and ...

Mothers Day was this weekend. I'm usually not the Hallmark Holiday kind of gal,but if you don't recognize it you appear... bitchy. I like to think of Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Valentines Day, as the three most over rated DAYS of the year. If you don't get it 364 other days of the year, you aren't THERE yet. Mothers day to me...is when you FEEL LIKE A MOTHER. That happens a few times a day, "pick up your shoes" "Wash your hands." "Call the dentist." But really feeling like Mother, the mother that no one else could be... to your children,  that comes... IF YOUR LUCKY.. a few times a year. When your son is on stage for the Christmas show in his new suit, looking sparkling, shining, like a ray of light is only on him?  When you blow him a kiss from some obscure seat in a large auditiorium, because I just couldn't contain myself... He saw me, He caught my kiss,and blew one back... Because I am his Mother. No one else could throw...

Define crazy. That was a crazy good time. Her hair was crazy curly. I had some crazy dreams last night. I was so pissed I went all crazy on him. I wanted to leave my baby at the mall. I looked over the side of the bridge and wondered how long til I hit the water. Pulling into the airport and NOT have a return flight ticket, then watch the prepaid flight takeoff without you. Crazy weather we're having today. My dream of someday being alone in an apartment in ANY city, dressing in clothes that are comfortable, not necessarily matching, learning to finally play any instrument, and crochet, and paint my first painting. Chat with people in parks, ride my bike-without a helmet so I hear the world rush by in my long grey hair. Big salad for lunch, pancakes for dinner.  30 different flavors of teas in the cupboard but only drink one.  Never call anyone, unless I have something really amazing to say.  I hate obligatory phone calls.  Spend days with the same perso...

Swimming naked in Mountain lake with the Pearages and Jones's an hour or two before dawn? Running through Neptune NJ, after my friend Diane when she failed out of Nursing School? Going for a ride on the back of a motorcycle, with a "friend" all along the beach in NJ, then telling them< "ILL never see you again, you know that right?"? Smoking cigarettes with drug addicts and alcoholics, and having some of my best conversations? Sitting next to Betty Ford for dinner and showing her pictures of my daughters? Drinking beer in Amy's basement at 17 and dancing around to Rick Springfield and Pat Benatar? Looking for a date on a dating site, to just "Mess around with once a week" ? Then marrying him? Skinny dipping in the pool out the mountain after too much beer, but even more laughs? Driving around tims apartment in the middle of the night, spying on him, becasue I just couldnt STEP away? Are these all of  uhh yeah?'s....nope. But for ...