Flaming June's Love

 Hi Dad. I see your smiling happy face in this picture, and wish I could just take a minute... Pat those fat hands of yours, kiss your white soft hair as I walk by, sit on the couch next to you and just SIT. I haven't cried about you in a long time.  I think I'm adjusted.  But not better.  But this quiet time I'm having this week makes me really look at this picture and MISS you.  That shirt your wearing in this picture, yeah its in Andys closet.  Never been washed, just hanging there.  I smell it every so often or just run my hand over it.  Look at Ben, this really shows us how long it really has been.  He is a real young man now.  You would be so proud of the boys.  Where are you Dad?  Can't you just visit me in a dream and say everything is ok?  Why did it have to go this way?  I still miss you, and I'll never ever forget about you.  Hey girls!  Jackie, Danny and Ben!  Gosh you are the cutest...

Andy has been selling eyeglasses for four years now.  It has paid the bills and got us out of a pickle when his last job downsized and we desperately needed health coverage. A few weeks ago I mentioned to Andy that he should just look on the internet for another job.  something that he would like, and still meet the needs of the Man of the house. So just like every other night of the week we  sat in our bed, I was reading a book, he was on the internet and he said, "Boy this one is the perfect job for me, don't get your hopes up, but I'm going to apply." It was with a company that sells building and construction supplies. How much more Andy can you get than that?! He applied and I was afraid to ask, but about a week later I mentioned, "no news for the Co?" "Nah, its a really great opportunity, I wasn't really getting my hopes up." I felt bad. A day later right before Christmas he got an email. They wanted to meet him in Philadelphia fo...

Can you still see my claw marks in the mud!!!!!  HAHAHAH

I have been reading alot.  Since my break from school is now coming to an end, my reading kick must too.  I ate up 8 books in three weeks.  They certainly weren't War and Peace... but they were literary works instead of reality TV, so I'm ahead of the ball. Went to the Lehigh gorge yesterday with the boys.  A much needed day of burning off energy for Jack.  He had a rough week last week after his long Christmas break.  It seemed everyday got worse than the last.  Until Friday when all hell broke loose and he cried at school because.. "He blew it, all his hard work was wasted!" How did it get like this? well, I know.  For once, in a long time I think I know for sure what happened. We have always tried to be the "positive" approach parents. When you have a great day, when you get a good grade on that spelling test, when  you play nice with your friends....We will do/see/go/get whatever. Last week for some reason, after a yellow light on Tu...

Went to find the "cup" for the nightly cup of tea.  Grabbed a lime green with orange polka dots on it.  Its from a set I acquired somewhere along the line.  It's one that doesnt get much stage time, but when she shines, shes is a good choice. While cleaning up the Christmas stuff today I collected all the "junk" that seems to fill the corners of my house.  You know stuff that gets dropped on the counter when people come home, and then I throw into a big bowl in the cupboards.  Well I collected all that stuff and poured it into a huge Christmas gift bag.  All kindsof things.. Sunglasses, race cars, jewelry, birthday cards, marbles, and multiple chapsticks. Chapstick... I put it on my lips tonight and BAMMM... I'm back. The smell of chapstick, and the vision of the small black tube my Dad carried in his pocket... all the time. As soon as it went on I was taken back to the times sitting ON HIS FEET on the Living Room floor on myrtle ave.  We had a co...

11:08pm January 31, 2012. Almost 2013. It has been a good year.  I'm ok with it.  I'm feeling pretty satisfied with myself and our lives right now. My daughters are good.  My son is growing stronger and smarter everyday. Andy and I have had a few of our hardest days this year, but also some of our best days this year.  His surgery was tough, my catheterization, a test... that we both passed physically and emotionally. Allie graduating, passing her boards, working her big girl job. Missi turning 21, gon got school, working her job as a good checker girl. Jack sticking with it hard work in first grade.  Leaps and bounds. Me... starting  a new job, and loving it.  Letting go of some old friends that disappointed me.  Then reaching out a bit further to embrace new friends.  I am sad for the times I didn't move, speak, smile, chat, give more, encourage more, open up. I am grateful for the times I believed, forgave, hugged too long, kiss...

 Our Beautiful tree right after Santa arrived.  I sat in my rocking chair, and as I do every year, cried a few tears.  Gratitude, sadness, relief, anticipation.  it was a great tree this year, not a single problem.  She didnt fall down once, which NEVER HAPPENS.  Allie lives with her boyfriend Ryan.  I have to adjust to that idea.  So being thats the case I had to adjust to her NOT being here Christmas morning.  A very very difficult pill to swallow.  But I did it.  I imagined this day, and I did alright.  I imagine having a fever, helped me cope since I was slightly disoriented... but we had a sweet Missi, Jack, Andy, Mommy Christmas morning.  Here is the boy wonder so HAPPY to get his new Nabi.  A tablet made for kids loaded with games and learning and books.  He was psyched, as you can see.  Missi a kind and genrous sister playing the surprised onlooker when she was the one that helped Santa download...