Hello? Please answer me.

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 Hi Dad.
I see your smiling happy face in this picture, and wish I could just take a minute...
Pat those fat hands of yours, kiss your white soft hair as I walk by, sit on the couch next to you and just SIT.
I haven't cried about you in a long time.  I think I'm adjusted.  But not better.  But this quiet time I'm having this week makes me really look at this picture and MISS you.  That shirt your wearing in this picture, yeah its in Andys closet.  Never been washed, just hanging there.  I smell it every so often or just run my hand over it.  Look at Ben, this really shows us how long it really has been.  He is a real young man now.  You would be so proud of the boys.  Where are you Dad?  Can't you just visit me in a dream and say everything is ok?  Why did it have to go this way?  I still miss you, and I'll never ever forget about you.
 Hey girls!  Jackie, Danny and Ben!  Gosh you are the cutest kids I've ever seen.  Bailey girls... You don't know it when this picture was taken but we are in for some bumpy roads ahead.  My whole world revolved around you both, and even now when I should consider you both adults, I still don't sleep until I know you are both SOMEWHERE safe.  The sideyard at Nana and Pops house having an Easter egg hunt.  Your life has been so blessed with everyone so in love with you.  Me being your number one fan until my last breath.  If I had a minute to go back to this picture?  Would I change anything?  I don't think much.  even being children of divorce you are perfect.  We did alright, I loved loved those days wiith you.  I was selfish.. and kept you both to myself.  I wouldn't change a thing. 
Grandma and Nana.
Gosh you two are beautiful, I wish I knew then what I know now about loving your children.  I would Thank You both for my awesome Mom and Dad.  Grams white hair is my Dads white hair, and probably MY white hair under all this Clairol!  Nana's graceful hands, my Moms hands.  I see my Mom in Nans face.  It is a warm and comforting feeling.  Are you guys all together in Heaven?  Does family stay that way?  When I see you will you remember me?  Will you know the mistakes I've made and still LOVE me?  As time has passed we have discovered the trials and tribulations you had gone through, but that didn't matter on this day.  Your shared grandson got married on this day and you stood there next to each other and laughed while the bouquet was tossed!  Two pretty tough ladies, I wish I knew then, to ask more questions, be quiet more, and listen.  We will have that time together someday, and I will listen.
I will also hold my Dads hand again
listen to my Nana whistle
hear my Pop tell a story...
and maybe, find a little peace in not hearing from any of you in such a long time.
Just like everyone else... I will wait for that.
In the meantime, enjoy my life now, live it, and love the people I am blessed with.

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