Flaming June's Love

Today. I was thinking about my Dad. I can go back 3 years and try to recall the dirty, heartwrenching details of where and what was going on. I think about it and I still get that turn in my stomach, with the heat behind my eyes, that is fair warning from my psyche that I am about to weep. To weep means to me that my broken heart is reminding me it is still there and although my life goes on it is NOT the same, and is NOT right without him. I can see him so vividly-so clearly in his normal healthy state. I had the feeling this morning that I was going to see him. Drive by the old house Suzie, he will be on the porch. I did get into my car and drive the short 5 miles-excuse being coffee from DD- He wasnt there. Why do I do that? Why do I continue to ask for reminders of our loss? Why do I want to cry when his spot is empty on the porch? Why do I turn my feelings over and over in my heart only to conjure a 30 second crying fit, every time? If I look back on my posts from the 1 yea...

I think it has been three years today since my Dads surgery. That in itself says alot since I used to live by dates and days of the week. He died on a wed, surgery on a wednesday. Heart attack on a Saturday- you know. My heart attack on a Thursday. Today is Tuesday. My grandfather I think died on a Tuesday. My Mother in law died today. Tims mother will always be my mother in law. I loved her, and have loved her for 25 years. I know that her last few days were hard, since she died of lung cancer. I hadn't seen her in 8 years. But I loved her just the same. She loved me too I know that. The last time I talked to her was when the girls went to visit her over Memorial day. We always had an understanding-no need to say too much, we just knew. We spent hours talking, just she and I discussing kids, parents, marriage, homemaking, cooking. I peeled my first potato with her. Made my first pot of coffee. I was 18 when Tim and I met so to say I was a child, is not a lie. She e...

http://rulesformyunbornson.tumblr.com/ VH1 Marathon greatest one hit wonder of the eighties. Talk about what you used to do in hotel rooms, when you had an entire day off... then do one of them while the kid is sleeping (yeah not a good mommy trait) LOL

The anticipated vacation took off with great expectations. I had all my school work done, the packing done, and everyone ready to go. Andy, Jack and I go t into the car around 7 30 ish and were on our adventure. I can usually travel with Andy anywhere. I am surely not his greatest fan when it comes to his driving tactics but, he dries all day 5 days a week for twenty years, so I turn it over to the highway Gods when he at the wheel. Anyway, we arrive in R I at twoish in the morning and get into our suite and I tuck ANdy into the big bed so I can get Jack settled down and we can all get some sleep. Jack had slept since 930 so he was raring to go a three! We watched some cartoons I go him some milk I took a quick shower and we were asleep by 5. 5:45 I hear singing, no chanting, no it was a drill instructor his "platoon?" singing as they ran "marched" for their morning PT. Oh yeah sexy, I know, but really does Jack Have to think it was a parade and wave out the...

Nana and I have been planning and preparing for Daveys fiftieth for a few months. We have talked about the details and guest lists and menu for a while. The who what wheres and whens not a problem. The best part, is always unplanned. Mike and Phyllis came up for the party and that is a good thing. All the cousins showed up and that too is a good thing. Great thing Jack was a good boy. Great thing Davey was surprised. Food hot, beer cold and weather relatively dry. We sat in the shelter and laughed til we couldnt breathe. It rained with lightning, thunder and we were alright. My girls were there and had fun. My ex husband was there and he was NORMAL!!! Reminded me of why I married him!! Davey will be 50 on the 16th. My Mom was doing dishes last night and said, "when your child turns fifty, it is a big deal." I thought how huge that is. SHe made him abeautiful album with all her favorite pictures of him form the time he was born through current. So so valuable. pr...