Flaming June's Love

I am living everyday.  Whether I am walking outside, inside, yoga, swimming, chatting with strangers, engaging with students, confessing to my confidantes, laughing til I pee with my friends, Hugging my boy, Loving my man, dreaming, planning, singing along..... I am living these days. I was walking today and thought "I am going to run."  "I can run, right?"  talking to myself.... I tried it.... I jogged. I dont know how to hold my arms, I dont know how to breath right, my boobs are banging around in my THREEEEE SPORTS BRAS!!!!  My right foot went numb almost immediately.  I got the old familiar pain in my left shoulder blade and realized... I CANT RUN.  I CANNOT RUN. I  CAN NOT RUN.  All these years I thought "Who cares if I cannot run, who wants to run anyway, I just want to keep breathing."  I wasn't taking care of myself at ALL.  NOT AT ALL.  I had the perfect excuse to not even try.  I didnt want to try. ...

Tomorrow I wake up and Ill be 53 years old. I am in a better place than I have been in many many years.  I can conjure fear which I can breathe through and visualize living.  That is helping my anxiety. I went to yoga tonight and it is a real beginners class but I feel good doing it.  The yogi ended the class saying something on the lines of "Feel good about taking care of yourself, you deserve to be well emotionally, physically and spiritually." Today was Jacks last day of 7th grade.  One year and he goes to HS.  I cannot believe it really.    He is tall and handsome, strong and sweet. I remember days when I wondered if either of us would survive. Here we are. I love my kids and Owen, my son in laws and husband. I am grateful for my healthy helpful capable Mother. My bothers that are my whole world. A job that I can tolerate, with a few people I enjoy. A couple of friends, and I mean a couple.  But better have a two or three that a...

Its a funny feeling almost 53 and feel pretty good about myself. I have gone back to church because of a priest that listened to me and didnt judge me. He listened and heard me say I was afraid to go another day without being at peace with God. He felt that fear is not a great motivator, fear holds us back. Love should bring us back. That is when i cried.  I cried because I want to LOVE my neighbor, the people that piss me off, hurt me.  Im supposed to love them.  Listen to the gospel and apply to my week.  Now I spend the hour in church every week and reflect on the week that passed and anticipate the upcoming week with peace.  I'm not the average church goer.  I have a bit of a thing where I think I am different all the time.  Different from the people sitting in the pews behind or in front of me.  Different in my thoughts and views, my approach to life. After chatting with the priest he showed me that he has HEARD IT ALL> From th...

You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you Mary Tyler Moore So here we are, the last week of 7th grade, and what a year it has been. From the first day of school this year, the actual day 1 I knew it was going to be different.  I wasnt quite sure how or why it was going to change but I felt it coming. From the first few weeks I discovered Jack chose to move his lunch table seat. Thank God we have a relatively open communication and I knew it was coming.  We talked about what could happen, how his friends may feel or behave if he chose to "change things up a bit" Weighed it and make the leap.  It changed alot.  Some really good and some painful. Now that we are wrapping up 7th grade, he is grateful for the change as am I. He has grown as a person and is maturing before my eyes. It has always been hard for me to watch my kids struggle, no matter how old they are.  Even now as adults I want to FIX IT....

Today was a beautiful gorgeous sunny June 1 st day. A Saturday morning in this weather, anyone that knows me knows where I will be on days like today. Well, maybe you wont know exactly where I am, but you will know that I will be out scavenging garage sales, estate sales, auctions. I prefer to go alone so I can chat with strangers and talk to other peoples stuff. My "eccentric" flag can wave far and wide and no one is shooshing me.  LOL So I left at 730 this morning, put the top down on the convertible and turned up the radio and drove away.  During my meditations I am asked to recall a favorite time or place.  It has often been that car, that moment, that weather, the destination. So today was the day I got to DO MY HAPPY PLACE!!!  Can you say that?  Can you be in your happy place ever?  Is it how and what you imagine it to be? Driving along this morning it was cold with the top down, and windy.  It wasnt a perfect sunny day first thing ...