Flaming June's Love

I spend an awful lot of time talking about how I feel, what I think, and what makes me tick. I don't spend alot of time thinking, feeling, talking about how I LOOK, other than I'm not happy about it. My friend Marinda started a Facebook page that is about loving yourself, no matter what size, shape or condition you may be in.  Do I love myslef?  how cliche' is that?  Love yourself?  I dont even think about it. Almost never does it cross my mind to LOVE MYSELF? Of course I think about taking CARE of myself-which I should do more of. as in walking, eating better, seeing the Dr more often when things need attention, going to the dentist. The actual loving yourself is another story. So here it goes. I'm rounder and softer than I want to be, but I have nice legs and a warm smile. I am not terrific at quick recall, but I have a wide range of information that I know about. I can write a blog, for a long time, about multiple topics, but my book... well lets just...

I've been reading a book the past two days about a woman, who is so in LOVE with her garden.  She spends hours gardening, and shares her love with her children and grandchildren.  It is her happy place.  The author describes the garden so vividly, I can almost smell the flowers with her details.  I got into the bath last night, and soaked for a while.  Then Andy got in with me and we just lay there, bobbing and floating in the steaming tub.  We seem to have a good thing, we can lay in the tub and it isn't about sex.  Not to say that it doesn't help.... but thats another story. Anyway... happy place. We were lying there, dark, hot, steaming tub and I thought.. "Is this my happy place?" No.  Its nice, but a happy place should be someplace alone?.. Ok, Bathtub is good but not... IT. Then I had to think of where in my life was I the happiest.  Where has my happy place been in the past? Of course vacations, and moments on vacations were gr...

 Hi Dad. I see your smiling happy face in this picture, and wish I could just take a minute... Pat those fat hands of yours, kiss your white soft hair as I walk by, sit on the couch next to you and just SIT. I haven't cried about you in a long time.  I think I'm adjusted.  But not better.  But this quiet time I'm having this week makes me really look at this picture and MISS you.  That shirt your wearing in this picture, yeah its in Andys closet.  Never been washed, just hanging there.  I smell it every so often or just run my hand over it.  Look at Ben, this really shows us how long it really has been.  He is a real young man now.  You would be so proud of the boys.  Where are you Dad?  Can't you just visit me in a dream and say everything is ok?  Why did it have to go this way?  I still miss you, and I'll never ever forget about you.  Hey girls!  Jackie, Danny and Ben!  Gosh you are the cutest...

Andy has been selling eyeglasses for four years now.  It has paid the bills and got us out of a pickle when his last job downsized and we desperately needed health coverage. A few weeks ago I mentioned to Andy that he should just look on the internet for another job.  something that he would like, and still meet the needs of the Man of the house. So just like every other night of the week we  sat in our bed, I was reading a book, he was on the internet and he said, "Boy this one is the perfect job for me, don't get your hopes up, but I'm going to apply." It was with a company that sells building and construction supplies. How much more Andy can you get than that?! He applied and I was afraid to ask, but about a week later I mentioned, "no news for the Co?" "Nah, its a really great opportunity, I wasn't really getting my hopes up." I felt bad. A day later right before Christmas he got an email. They wanted to meet him in Philadelphia fo...

Can you still see my claw marks in the mud!!!!!  HAHAHAH

I have been reading alot.  Since my break from school is now coming to an end, my reading kick must too.  I ate up 8 books in three weeks.  They certainly weren't War and Peace... but they were literary works instead of reality TV, so I'm ahead of the ball. Went to the Lehigh gorge yesterday with the boys.  A much needed day of burning off energy for Jack.  He had a rough week last week after his long Christmas break.  It seemed everyday got worse than the last.  Until Friday when all hell broke loose and he cried at school because.. "He blew it, all his hard work was wasted!" How did it get like this? well, I know.  For once, in a long time I think I know for sure what happened. We have always tried to be the "positive" approach parents. When you have a great day, when you get a good grade on that spelling test, when  you play nice with your friends....We will do/see/go/get whatever. Last week for some reason, after a yellow light on Tu...

Went to find the "cup" for the nightly cup of tea.  Grabbed a lime green with orange polka dots on it.  Its from a set I acquired somewhere along the line.  It's one that doesnt get much stage time, but when she shines, shes is a good choice. While cleaning up the Christmas stuff today I collected all the "junk" that seems to fill the corners of my house.  You know stuff that gets dropped on the counter when people come home, and then I throw into a big bowl in the cupboards.  Well I collected all that stuff and poured it into a huge Christmas gift bag.  All kindsof things.. Sunglasses, race cars, jewelry, birthday cards, marbles, and multiple chapsticks. Chapstick... I put it on my lips tonight and BAMMM... I'm back. The smell of chapstick, and the vision of the small black tube my Dad carried in his pocket... all the time. As soon as it went on I was taken back to the times sitting ON HIS FEET on the Living Room floor on myrtle ave.  We had a co...