happy place....
I've been reading a book the past two days about a woman, who is so in LOVE with her garden. She spends hours gardening, and shares her love with her children and grandchildren. It is her happy place. The author describes the garden so vividly, I can almost smell the flowers with her details. I got into the bath last night, and soaked for a while. Then Andy got in with me and we just lay there, bobbing and floating in the steaming tub. We seem to have a good thing, we can lay in the tub and it isn't about sex.
Not to say that it doesn't help.... but thats another story.
Anyway... happy place.
We were lying there, dark, hot, steaming tub and I thought..
"Is this my happy place?"
No. Its nice, but a happy place should be someplace alone?..
Ok, Bathtub is good but not... IT.
Then I had to think of where in my life was I the happiest. Where has my happy place been in the past?
Of course vacations, and moments on vacations were great.
Top of the lists..
2002 Florida trip. Tim had left in Sept 2001, It was just the girls and I with of course Nana and Pop.
Rick brought the girls and surprised us at the airport!!! That was a great super day.
I rememebr sitting by the pool with my headphones on, watching my girls swim and goof around in the pool. I was having strawberry dacquiris at ten in the morning and truly feeling like,
"Tim WHO?""
We had a great time that year, even the girls recall that as a banner year.
Another great memory and place was Andy and I in the Florida keys, the same year.
I had just met him, and our fist date he asked if I wanted to go on vacation with him?
hahah, yeah right.
THEN YOU WILL CHOP ME INTO LITTLE PIECES AND FEED ME TO THE FISH.
I went.
With nearly a total stranger, six weeks after meeting him. We biked, swam, ate, drank, laughed and snorkled.
A happy place was the day we snorkled. We were on a catamaran and rode out to a reef. It was very sunny beautiful, almost unreal.
When we got there the instructor tutored us on ho to get into the water.
Jump off the side of the boat, hold onto your mask and snorkel and GOOOO!
No way.
Im not jumping off the side. The boat was swaying, water slapping up against the side, fish swimming down there. at least 10 feet from the top of boat to surface of water. NO.
Yes you are.
No way.
Andy said Im going first, Ill be in the water waiting for you, I wont let anything happen to you.
I PROMISE.
I was shaking, getting dizzy, and everyone saying go go hes right there, go!!
He jumped in.
I looked down at him bobbing up and down in the water, and all I could see were his eyes, super huge from the lenses on the goggles.
Somehow I just let go, looked at him and totally LET GO.
I had never done that before, the sensation of just falling, giving over to something.. like gravity.
In a split second I hit the water with a bang.
He was exactly where he said he would be.
Holding me up in the water, while I got readjusted. goggles on, snorkle in, flippers on.
He held my hand and we floated over the coral reef looking at fish and sand and eachother.
This guy was pretty cool.
He brought me to a place (location on the map), and then showed me a place inside myself I had never seen before.
Was that my happy place? No it isnt. It is a memory of a place where something new happened to me, but it isnt my proverbial "happy place".
Happy place? Someplace you can either recall or visit to bring you momentary peace or happiness.
I can imagine being out the mountain on the front porch, listening to birds, leaves in trees, faraway chainsaws or lawnmowers. The smell of grass, dirt and always something wet. whether its wet dirt, wet moss, wet leaves, wet tar on the road. I still get an excited feeling when I turn the corner to get on the dirt road. It may be fleeting or go unrecognized for a moment but its always there.
We are here.
Its a happy place for sure. That place, with its whispering walls, and simmering memories.
Maybe I have many happy places, or can conjure my happy memories to bring me peace, or joy, or a laugh when I need it.
COMFORT the word for 2013 isn't that far away, its in the back of my mind, the fist night in our bed after coming home with Jack.
The smell of a fire, the sound of a summer song that just stirs up facecs and places from years gone by.
A fall night with sweaters and mittens watching a HS football game.
Nights sitting on Nana and Pops porch watching it go from a summer evening to a summer night while light fades and fireflies come out.
The first dark night with snow, the fresh crunch undr my feet, the quiet so deep you can hear a snowflake land.
The smell of my boy. Either awake and buzzing with peanut butter, and fruit snack smells.
Or asleep all warm, johnson baby lotioned and new sleep sweet smells.
I cant find my happy PLACE on a map, not right now anyway.
Its in my mind. I can call that place up and ask it to help me for five minutes.
"Take me back there, bring a slice of home to smell and enjoy while I sit in the car waiting for the light to change."
Show me a sunny day in the side yard at the farm with my baby girls, on a blanket. While they dream of GROWING UP someday. I can almost feel that sun on my face dancing through the leaves in the trees.
The salt on my lips from the gulf of Mexico, with Andy holding my hand.
Love to all.
Not to say that it doesn't help.... but thats another story.
Anyway... happy place.
We were lying there, dark, hot, steaming tub and I thought..
"Is this my happy place?"
No. Its nice, but a happy place should be someplace alone?..
Ok, Bathtub is good but not... IT.
Then I had to think of where in my life was I the happiest. Where has my happy place been in the past?
Of course vacations, and moments on vacations were great.
Top of the lists..
2002 Florida trip. Tim had left in Sept 2001, It was just the girls and I with of course Nana and Pop.
Rick brought the girls and surprised us at the airport!!! That was a great super day.
I rememebr sitting by the pool with my headphones on, watching my girls swim and goof around in the pool. I was having strawberry dacquiris at ten in the morning and truly feeling like,
"Tim WHO?""
We had a great time that year, even the girls recall that as a banner year.
Another great memory and place was Andy and I in the Florida keys, the same year.
I had just met him, and our fist date he asked if I wanted to go on vacation with him?
hahah, yeah right.
THEN YOU WILL CHOP ME INTO LITTLE PIECES AND FEED ME TO THE FISH.
I went.
With nearly a total stranger, six weeks after meeting him. We biked, swam, ate, drank, laughed and snorkled.
A happy place was the day we snorkled. We were on a catamaran and rode out to a reef. It was very sunny beautiful, almost unreal.
When we got there the instructor tutored us on ho to get into the water.
Jump off the side of the boat, hold onto your mask and snorkel and GOOOO!
No way.
Im not jumping off the side. The boat was swaying, water slapping up against the side, fish swimming down there. at least 10 feet from the top of boat to surface of water. NO.
Yes you are.
No way.
Andy said Im going first, Ill be in the water waiting for you, I wont let anything happen to you.
I PROMISE.
I was shaking, getting dizzy, and everyone saying go go hes right there, go!!
He jumped in.
I looked down at him bobbing up and down in the water, and all I could see were his eyes, super huge from the lenses on the goggles.
Somehow I just let go, looked at him and totally LET GO.
I had never done that before, the sensation of just falling, giving over to something.. like gravity.
In a split second I hit the water with a bang.
He was exactly where he said he would be.
Holding me up in the water, while I got readjusted. goggles on, snorkle in, flippers on.
He held my hand and we floated over the coral reef looking at fish and sand and eachother.
This guy was pretty cool.
He brought me to a place (location on the map), and then showed me a place inside myself I had never seen before.
Was that my happy place? No it isnt. It is a memory of a place where something new happened to me, but it isnt my proverbial "happy place".
Happy place? Someplace you can either recall or visit to bring you momentary peace or happiness.
I can imagine being out the mountain on the front porch, listening to birds, leaves in trees, faraway chainsaws or lawnmowers. The smell of grass, dirt and always something wet. whether its wet dirt, wet moss, wet leaves, wet tar on the road. I still get an excited feeling when I turn the corner to get on the dirt road. It may be fleeting or go unrecognized for a moment but its always there.
We are here.
Its a happy place for sure. That place, with its whispering walls, and simmering memories.
Maybe I have many happy places, or can conjure my happy memories to bring me peace, or joy, or a laugh when I need it.
COMFORT the word for 2013 isn't that far away, its in the back of my mind, the fist night in our bed after coming home with Jack.
The smell of a fire, the sound of a summer song that just stirs up facecs and places from years gone by.
A fall night with sweaters and mittens watching a HS football game.
Nights sitting on Nana and Pops porch watching it go from a summer evening to a summer night while light fades and fireflies come out.
The first dark night with snow, the fresh crunch undr my feet, the quiet so deep you can hear a snowflake land.
The smell of my boy. Either awake and buzzing with peanut butter, and fruit snack smells.
Or asleep all warm, johnson baby lotioned and new sleep sweet smells.
I cant find my happy PLACE on a map, not right now anyway.
Its in my mind. I can call that place up and ask it to help me for five minutes.
"Take me back there, bring a slice of home to smell and enjoy while I sit in the car waiting for the light to change."
Show me a sunny day in the side yard at the farm with my baby girls, on a blanket. While they dream of GROWING UP someday. I can almost feel that sun on my face dancing through the leaves in the trees.
The salt on my lips from the gulf of Mexico, with Andy holding my hand.
Love to all.
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