Flaming June's Love

Not very much going on here. I have gone to the gym everyday this week and three days last. It truly does make you feel better and I am glad when it is over. I am going to a pilates class tonight. I went to yoga on Monday night and got the surprise of a lifetime. ( not really, but..) My mat partner. Yes we share large mats that are interconnected, was about three hundred pound man with a bright red face and beautiful smile. I was a little anxious about doing these unusual contortions with him on the same mat because we all know how bashful I am. (Not really) The woman who runs the class came in and lovely slow voice. comforting. My neighbor Bill said. "She seems sweet right wait 70 minutes you'll hate her." hmmm I thought this was rel;axing yoga.? He chuckled. "Yeah the last ten minutes are relaxing the other 60 are sweaty stressful painful stretching for big people like us." (US I AM NOT AN US) (AM I THAT FAT NO WAY ILL SHOW YOU BIG BOY Big Bo...

I discovered today that my husband reads my blog. I showed it to him once or twice when I put pictures up but for some reason I didnt think he would read it. It kind of slipped out in a conversation we just had. He asked if I went to the Gym yet I said no but I hoped to go tonight. He said, "Dont stop for any biscotti while your out. chuckle chuckle." Hmph, I dont have much that is my own and I guess I have less than I thought. I know he will be reading again real soon and will deny that he did it or the other alternative will be to "confess" with heart in hands. I am curious to see. Either way I love him, and dont really care. I will just have to stop the confessional, I was working on concerning my alter life when he is on the road with that man and our ..... oh forget it.

I know I have been writing about going to the gym for months now and havent gone. Well today was the day. Andy tried a new tactic, He made a to do list for me while he is out of town this week and put go to gym on it. My mom came down for dinner the other night saw the list and stated she would be down at 9 am on wed to watch Jack. OK that is a team attack but fine Ill go. A little background, this is the facility I went for cardiac rehab for 3 months following surgery so they all know me. I came in and the receptionist said "OH Suzanne Im so glad you are back. " How could I not want to be there. Long story short I went on the treadmill and did my mile in almost twice the time it took me when last I was there. Fuckers Im out of shape. My cardiac nurse came over and did an ekg for baseline and said all was fine blood pressure 110/66 great HR 115, perfect. OK gotta start made an appointment with the trainer for tomorrow and the cardio class at 9am. The smackdown, Fini...

These are a few of my favorite pics for obvious reasons. I have to say because I dont say it enough to convey the deepness. But I love this man. I have since the first day I saw him. I always will.

Missi, Melissa, Missy. This child truly is the example of independent woman at 15. Obviously she is a beautiful girl, but she denies it, "I am smarter than Pretty, mom." I know that and I love you for it. She draws stuff that is so unusual and creative that I have to ask sheepishly "where did that come from?" I dunno, acting cool but proud. She writes stories that truly I want to read. When she was a bay she would draw cartoon books with blocks and bubble comments and tell a story and tell jokes that she made up. Funny child. Her favorite movies? Monty Python. Music? Asian classical. totally against drugs and drinking. Eats no meat, If it had a face, it had a mother and I am not eating someones baby. OK drama queen. Her lips are Angelina Jolie, Her eyes are that blue. In the background you can see her school uniform, LOL she must have gotten out of it and put the blue in her hair and took her own picture?!!! She got her period today and came home from scho...

Here she is. My baby a senior in High School and about to go to college. What can I say about this child. As a baby she wanted to be with me all the time. I have loved her company since a baby. Mature beyond her years. Went to catholic school through 6 th grade then public school for two years and then back to catholic school for HS. She was attacked on her way home from school in eighth grade by a boy who pushed her in someones backyard and tore her clothes and punched her and and did ghastly things to her. Thank God she fought back and ran home. She had bruises on her breasts hand prints really. split lip and scared to death. We took her out of that school and she has blossomed ever since. Her father took care of the kid and his father spent time in counseling (one session) and then moved on. We havent talked about it in a long time. Cheerleader, honor student, captain of softball team, st micheals society, student council, homecoming court, chorus and district choir, cantor...

A blogger that I found a few weeks ago has told the story of her baby boy that died shortly after birth. I tasted the possibility of losing our son and I will post a pic of him on life support or whatever it was. I will also post a pic of me in the open heart unit two days after my surgery holding our son who was less than a week old. All so dramatic, I hardly remember. I was very drugged and in pain but do recall my prayers to "somewhere" "I am not ready to leave this boy!" "save me for a short time to hold him and kiss my girls one more time." I got those wishes granted or prayers answered however you look at them. I was so afraid and cautious. Just keep breathing was going in my head for months afterwards. Now he is running about the house destroying things in his path. Terrible temper, devilish look in his eye as he reaches out to touch the electric plug or the computer. His eyes sparkle with life and I am grateful. I am also feeling some ...

This was Allies sweet sixteen party. They were married 47 years. My mom said not too long ago that she still saw the 15 yo boy she fell in love with when she looked at him. They were truly in love. I miss these people. My mom is not the same without him. They smiled and loved alot. I miss who we were. I want my Dad back. Hot hot tears, For the lost years. Hot hot tears, for all my girlish fears. hot hot tears. whispering in my ears Why did you let me go How could you not know The decision made a week to slow hot hot tears hot hot fears close my eyes, my heart dies, time just cries, sad goodbyes, sad goodbyes, sad goodbyes.

I knew it, I knew it last week with the upcoming trailer for this week. The family standing around watching the dad die. I was there. My brothers and Mom looking to someone for what do we do? Me. I have felt that. Knowing he was in pain, and letting him go on. I wanted him to live, get better. I knew it as soon as they put him back on the vent I knew he wouldnt make it. I wanted to believe, needed to hold on. The end of the show when George says that he doesnt know how to live without his Dad. I know that. We, our family were defined by him. He was the anchor to what we are. Our history is wrapped up in his pride. A man that lives for his family that was dad. Pop loved us more than my words could define. He fought hard, fought real hard. He didnt want to die I know it was too soon. Izzie saying that no money can replace him true but man we will sue the hell out of those drs that made mistakes. I ask myself everyday everyday, what could I have done different. I woul...

The Boy, what else can I say than Those blue eyes are eyes of my life.

I cant even begin to describe the pride I feel when I look at these two women. If anyone reading has young daughters all I can say is be gentle and choose your words and actions carefully, they remember everything. I know these two women, I changed their diapers, I dried their tears, I held them while they slept. I look at them now and sometimes want to tell the world "I did this" I am so lucky,. They are beautiful, but they are smart. We went through divorce, deaths, illness, and stuck together. I want to be with them. I like who these two people are and admire their courage. Allie, sweet, gentle, intuitive, people watcher. Missi, outspoken, intuitive, individual, unselfish, Allie my oldest is so much me it is funny. Missi is so much her daddy I love her more everyday for it. I talk about Jack all the time. He is my boy, love. My girls, got me up in the mornings, sent me to work when I wanted to give up. I thought of them getting up and doing what they had to do so...

I took Jack to my cousins house today to "play" with his cousin Emma who is 5 months older than he. It was interesting to say the least. Jack was bold, sassy, and a real Bugger! He touched everything that looked worth more than 100 bucks in the first thirty seconds. She had two snowmen propped up against the flat screen tv and yup he walked over and pushed them both over with a clang against the screen. I was there in no time and told him no no and apologized to my cousin. No problem. He kept rolling along and opened her kitchen cabinets, picked up shoes, and took toys away from baby Emma. She screamed Jack ran away and I went after him. It was truly a disaster. I stayed 20 minutes and left with my head down. I hope this is a phase. I hope hope hope .

I have been random blog reading this evening and find that my problem has not been what I have been writing it is moreso what I have not been writing. What am I afraid of? well, I guess people I know and dont know passing judgement on the feelings I may convey. So.. Fair warning... If you are reading and dont want to possibly find out something that Ive done said, thought or may think do or write about STOP READING NOW Very egotisitical of me to think what I may write could effect someone else but I have found out somethings about myself in the past year and I may as well share them with.... myself?! 100 things about me.. 1. I have blue eyes. 2. I have a third nipple. 3. I have three kids. 4. I have been pregnant 5 times. 5. I have been in love 5 times. 6. I believe you can love someone without them loving you back. 7. I lost my virginity at 15 to a drunk friend of my brothers, bad thing. 8. I made love the first time at 18 with my first husband. good thing. 9 I felt prettiest in m...

MaryEllen passed away yesterday morning. I got a call from John around 8 am and he said he thought she was going. I ran down the street and got in her room and she was gone. I told him that and he didnt believe or couldnt believe. He has been in such denial through the whole ordeal and he broke. truly broke. I stayed for the morning until Jackie got home and the boys. We waited for the coroner and then we started to relax a bit. They were drinking since 8 in the morning so I just sat with them for the day. John asked that I do the reading at church and of course I said yes. I will do it for her sake but I am not excited about the priest at the church. I dont have any pics to post tonight. I guess Im not much into the blogger thing lately. I hope to get back to work soon now that my stuff is not much pending as it was. I have lost 7 pounds and feel better already.

That really sounds cruel doesnt it? I am not a snob really but I was raised in NJ and moved to PA before I got divorced in order to be closer to my parents. My extended family was born and raised here in Northeast PA. This is new land, untamed country and home of the hennaville. I love them truly couldnt get better wholesome people. I find their company funny and filled with the finest things hard work and family. The entertainment is the language, and the high value of a "good drinkin night". The cousins asked Andy if I had a "pass" for the night to get out with them for a night of good drinkin. Of course hubby said yes but I wouldnt go. First of all I cant drink like that anymore, ( about 8 years ago I used to go out every weekend see where that got me) I dont want to spend all night in the smoke and I dont have the tolerance. I hope to spend a night with myhusband soon to a nice bar and have a few cocktails with friends should be next weekend or the nex...

All is well in the world, even the small bubble world here. I worked for a woman about 15 years ago who was self described as an odditySh was the founder and ceo of a drug and alcohol treatment center. She was an alcoholic with 40plus years of sobriety. She had her hair done everyday, wore a dress to work and insisted that the women that worked for her (and yes we worked FOR her) did the same. If my hair grew longer than my collar I wore it up, nails short, no perfume but had to wear makeup. Skirts not above the knee, and hose was mandatory. Why am I going into detail about the details. That was her motto details, details, details. I am not feeling up to par today and lying on the couch. Why? hmmm. I am not in the details. Geraldine O Delaney would totter in here and kick my sweet little ass. Life is in the details. I was 24 years old and had Allie at home with a sitter. I would drive from PA to NJ to work the 3-11 shift for this woman. Her facility is still one of the mo...

Well the holidays are officially over and I am still breathing and feeling. I have anticipated the death of my parents since I was a child. I think everyone as a young one thinks aboutt the day their mom might die or their father. Almost like the day you have children or get married or something, because they are such turning points in your life. Anyway I always thought my life would just be over when that day arrived. I have felt that feeling that nothing is as good without my dad but I survived this dreaded holiday and we did alright. Last night my daughter had her girlfriends over and they played cards and did 15 yo girl stuff. Allie and her boyfriend went to her friends house for a "couples" party. Mom was, or seemed alright with being home and listening to records and reminiscing I think. I am sure it is a terrible thing to think back on almost 50 years with someone then spend your first alone. I would haver been with her but she wanted to be alone. So I was he...