what does it mean?
I have been random blog reading this evening and find that my problem has not been what I have been writing it is moreso what I have not been writing. What am I afraid of? well, I guess people I know and dont know passing judgement on the feelings I may convey. So..
Fair warning...
If you are reading and dont want to possibly find out something that Ive done said, thought or may think do or write about STOP READING NOW
Very egotisitical of me to think what I may write could effect someone else but I have found out somethings about myself in the past year and I may as well share them with.... myself?!
100 things about me..
1. I have blue eyes.
2. I have a third nipple.
3. I have three kids.
4. I have been pregnant 5 times.
5. I have been in love 5 times.
6. I believe you can love someone without them loving you back.
7. I lost my virginity at 15 to a drunk friend of my brothers, bad thing.
8. I made love the first time at 18 with my first husband. good thing.
9 I felt prettiest in my thirties.
10. I looked my best at 37-38.
11. Andy makes me feel gorgeous when we go out.
12. My daughters are everything I hoped they would be.
13. I have not been disappointed in them yet.
14. Allie looks so much like me my friend started to cry about it. (hhuhh)
15. Missi looks so much like her dad it makes me laugh.
16. Jack makes my belly feel warm and my ears ring when he hugs me and smiles.
17. I cheated on my exams in nursing school.
18. i never had any hangups with food, bulemia, anorexia, none of them.
19. I have seen 7 people die in front of me.
20 I have saved 3 lives directly.
21. I have terrible anger issues when I get pushed I can lose my shit and go crazy
22. My boobs are too big and my legs are too skinny.
23. I could live on rice pudding and whipped cream
24. I have vivid dreams and sleeptalk and stuff.
25. I wish I was more girly, daily makeup and hair stuff.
26. I admire womens bodies more than mens.
27. I could spend the rest of my life with Andy.
28. My friend Amy knows everything about me and still thinks i am ok.
29. My other friend Amy has known me since 9th grade and truly knows my every secret.
30. I made out with a guy in a bar once and went for a ride in his car and then jumped out cuz I was afraid and ran home.
31. I kissed my exhusbands best friend and liked it when we were drunk.
32. I think i will die young but I have no regrets at this time.
33. My heaven will have lots of books and artwork.
34. someday I will paint the painting of my dreams, (the colors of fall)
35. I believe my son is a gift from heaven to show me the true meaning to my life in paticular.
36. I want to smoke cigarettes again so I can lose weight and then quit again.
37.My heart attack was punishment for things I have done.
38.My recovery wasd reward for things i am to do for people.
39. I want to be the best wife and mother for the rest of my life.
40. I will return to work and work in hospice with dying patients and their families.
41. My mother seemed able to do anything well but never complained when we were kids.
42. My mom was always dressed with makeup and hair done when I got out of bed every morning.
43. My dad went into the bathroom at 8 every morning and could poop on command.
44.My husband sits on the john for nearly an hour to shit and then goes back in to shower later on.
45. My daughter used to poop and then not let me flush it cuz "I made it!"
46. I dont like to drink too much alcohol because I dont like hangovers but could easily become a pill head.
47. I admire Missi's opinion but fear peoples judgement of her.
48. I am afraid Allie will lose her passion for life if whe has much more loss in her life.
49. I knew I would get divorced when I married my first husband.
50. My scar down my chest is a badge I wear proudly and like when people stare at it.
51. I have terrible teeth and hate the dentist.
52. I bite my nails off and on but love the way they look when they are long.
53. Sex is my favorite thing to do that is free.
54. People watching is awesome when you look good.
55. I have been the "pretty one" and I have been the "fat one" pretty is better.
56. People think I am really smart but I just know my topics well.
57. I should not have let them do surgery on my dad he would still be alive today.
58. I would give a year of my life for one year with my father.
59. I think my Mom would rather be dead with my dad than here with us and I dont blame her.
60. I kissed my second cousin, and I kissed my third cousin.
61. My son brought joy to my life I dodnt know I could have.
62. My oldest brother tried to kill me once with a pillow because I have such a sassy mean streak when I am mad.
63. My second oldest brother is so much like my father it is spooky and I like when he is around.
64. The third brother is so handsome I brag about him.
65. I want to change someones life in a good way and earn my being alive.
66. I will always love my first husband.
67. My grandfather was truly the best soul ever born.
68. I didnt want to see my grandmother in the nursing home so I pretended to be sick and then she died.
69. I put my 16 yo daughter on birthcontrol before she was sexually active because she said they were "talking about doing it"
70. I wish I could write a book.
71. I wish I could read a book without trying to figure out the end.
72. I have a hard time saying no.
73. I wanted more children but I got old too fast.
74. I forget more things than I remember.
75. I was a mean kid to my cousin and I try to forget it now but I know she doesnt.
76. My husband cheated on me when we were dating and I found out through the woman he cheated with.
77. Her husband was the most sane out of all of them.
78. I am terrible at thank you cards
79. I have alot of friends but I dont keep in touch.
80. My favorite drink is diet pepsi with lemon wedges lots of ice.
81. I love pot stickers from ruby tuesday or fridays.
82. I grocery shop everyday for ideas of food recipes.
83. I drink vodka and tonics when I go out but love a freeezing cold beer in the summer.
84. I get drunk really easy.
85. Mybrother and I skipped church for years and got high in the church parking lot and went for breakfast.
86. I made out with my neighbor in the backseat of his station wagon and his father caught us then I went home and he died a week later ( the dad)
87. I babysat for a man that molested his daughters when I was in 7th grade and never told anyone.
88. I have never been arrested.
89. I have only had one ticket for turning right on red.
90. I avoid doing anything illegal for fear of being in "trouble"
91. I wish I could be more like other people but then people say they want to be like me.
92. I love music and remember words to songs when I hear them.
93. I have lived a whole 17 months longer than I was supposed to.
94. I think my dad traded his life for mine.
95. I would do the same for my kids in a second.
96. i saw fear in my dads eyes before he died but didnt tell anyone, I told him everything would be ok and it wasnt.
97. I am afraid one of my kids will die before me.
98. I am afraid I will fail them
99. I am afraid they will be ashamed of me.
100. This was harder than I thought
Fair warning...
If you are reading and dont want to possibly find out something that Ive done said, thought or may think do or write about STOP READING NOW
Very egotisitical of me to think what I may write could effect someone else but I have found out somethings about myself in the past year and I may as well share them with.... myself?!
100 things about me..
1. I have blue eyes.
2. I have a third nipple.
3. I have three kids.
4. I have been pregnant 5 times.
5. I have been in love 5 times.
6. I believe you can love someone without them loving you back.
7. I lost my virginity at 15 to a drunk friend of my brothers, bad thing.
8. I made love the first time at 18 with my first husband. good thing.
9 I felt prettiest in my thirties.
10. I looked my best at 37-38.
11. Andy makes me feel gorgeous when we go out.
12. My daughters are everything I hoped they would be.
13. I have not been disappointed in them yet.
14. Allie looks so much like me my friend started to cry about it. (hhuhh)
15. Missi looks so much like her dad it makes me laugh.
16. Jack makes my belly feel warm and my ears ring when he hugs me and smiles.
17. I cheated on my exams in nursing school.
18. i never had any hangups with food, bulemia, anorexia, none of them.
19. I have seen 7 people die in front of me.
20 I have saved 3 lives directly.
21. I have terrible anger issues when I get pushed I can lose my shit and go crazy
22. My boobs are too big and my legs are too skinny.
23. I could live on rice pudding and whipped cream
24. I have vivid dreams and sleeptalk and stuff.
25. I wish I was more girly, daily makeup and hair stuff.
26. I admire womens bodies more than mens.
27. I could spend the rest of my life with Andy.
28. My friend Amy knows everything about me and still thinks i am ok.
29. My other friend Amy has known me since 9th grade and truly knows my every secret.
30. I made out with a guy in a bar once and went for a ride in his car and then jumped out cuz I was afraid and ran home.
31. I kissed my exhusbands best friend and liked it when we were drunk.
32. I think i will die young but I have no regrets at this time.
33. My heaven will have lots of books and artwork.
34. someday I will paint the painting of my dreams, (the colors of fall)
35. I believe my son is a gift from heaven to show me the true meaning to my life in paticular.
36. I want to smoke cigarettes again so I can lose weight and then quit again.
37.My heart attack was punishment for things I have done.
38.My recovery wasd reward for things i am to do for people.
39. I want to be the best wife and mother for the rest of my life.
40. I will return to work and work in hospice with dying patients and their families.
41. My mother seemed able to do anything well but never complained when we were kids.
42. My mom was always dressed with makeup and hair done when I got out of bed every morning.
43. My dad went into the bathroom at 8 every morning and could poop on command.
44.My husband sits on the john for nearly an hour to shit and then goes back in to shower later on.
45. My daughter used to poop and then not let me flush it cuz "I made it!"
46. I dont like to drink too much alcohol because I dont like hangovers but could easily become a pill head.
47. I admire Missi's opinion but fear peoples judgement of her.
48. I am afraid Allie will lose her passion for life if whe has much more loss in her life.
49. I knew I would get divorced when I married my first husband.
50. My scar down my chest is a badge I wear proudly and like when people stare at it.
51. I have terrible teeth and hate the dentist.
52. I bite my nails off and on but love the way they look when they are long.
53. Sex is my favorite thing to do that is free.
54. People watching is awesome when you look good.
55. I have been the "pretty one" and I have been the "fat one" pretty is better.
56. People think I am really smart but I just know my topics well.
57. I should not have let them do surgery on my dad he would still be alive today.
58. I would give a year of my life for one year with my father.
59. I think my Mom would rather be dead with my dad than here with us and I dont blame her.
60. I kissed my second cousin, and I kissed my third cousin.
61. My son brought joy to my life I dodnt know I could have.
62. My oldest brother tried to kill me once with a pillow because I have such a sassy mean streak when I am mad.
63. My second oldest brother is so much like my father it is spooky and I like when he is around.
64. The third brother is so handsome I brag about him.
65. I want to change someones life in a good way and earn my being alive.
66. I will always love my first husband.
67. My grandfather was truly the best soul ever born.
68. I didnt want to see my grandmother in the nursing home so I pretended to be sick and then she died.
69. I put my 16 yo daughter on birthcontrol before she was sexually active because she said they were "talking about doing it"
70. I wish I could write a book.
71. I wish I could read a book without trying to figure out the end.
72. I have a hard time saying no.
73. I wanted more children but I got old too fast.
74. I forget more things than I remember.
75. I was a mean kid to my cousin and I try to forget it now but I know she doesnt.
76. My husband cheated on me when we were dating and I found out through the woman he cheated with.
77. Her husband was the most sane out of all of them.
78. I am terrible at thank you cards
79. I have alot of friends but I dont keep in touch.
80. My favorite drink is diet pepsi with lemon wedges lots of ice.
81. I love pot stickers from ruby tuesday or fridays.
82. I grocery shop everyday for ideas of food recipes.
83. I drink vodka and tonics when I go out but love a freeezing cold beer in the summer.
84. I get drunk really easy.
85. Mybrother and I skipped church for years and got high in the church parking lot and went for breakfast.
86. I made out with my neighbor in the backseat of his station wagon and his father caught us then I went home and he died a week later ( the dad)
87. I babysat for a man that molested his daughters when I was in 7th grade and never told anyone.
88. I have never been arrested.
89. I have only had one ticket for turning right on red.
90. I avoid doing anything illegal for fear of being in "trouble"
91. I wish I could be more like other people but then people say they want to be like me.
92. I love music and remember words to songs when I hear them.
93. I have lived a whole 17 months longer than I was supposed to.
94. I think my dad traded his life for mine.
95. I would do the same for my kids in a second.
96. i saw fear in my dads eyes before he died but didnt tell anyone, I told him everything would be ok and it wasnt.
97. I am afraid one of my kids will die before me.
98. I am afraid I will fail them
99. I am afraid they will be ashamed of me.
100. This was harder than I thought
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