Flaming June's Love

Its that time of year again, visiting Philadelphia for the checkup. Im usually excited to go tot the city and gofor a nice dinner with Andy and maybe take a walk through the sites. I think I ll go tot the museum on Friday after my appt. We can desguise the trip as a "fun" time. But right under the surface, I know, It is a trip to check on the heart. Make sure its still banging away ti was meant to be. One of these times it will not be ok. I know that. Almost 11 years with no problems at all.  Not a single hiccup. And I know when it does happen Ill be scared. Cant think about that too much, or you ruin today. So for now, I think of a nice dinner in Philly with my guy, a walk down some historic spot that Andy will find for me. Hopefull a fe hours in the museum. But not until I meet with the guy that tells me, either 1. see you in six months or 2. Why dont you stay a day or two and we will catch up on some tests. Lets hope for the first option.

This is the ONE. 700 photographs from Allie and Ryans wedding. This one says it all for the past 26 years. The photographer actually didnt take this one. One of allies friends took it. It surely isnt set up since her cutoffs and dress hanger are in the background. It was one of the only times during this day that I wnated to cry.  So close I was. Dont hold her too close or I wont let go. Dont look at her, I wont let go. Dont say anything I wont let go. As a 22 year old kid, I had this baby.  Oh she was cute alright, but she cried constantly for the first 6 months. At one point I thought if I left her at the mall, someone nice would take her. Then something happened. Sh started to talk, and smile, and laugh with me. My heart opened up a whole new chapter. Named Allie. I know that marriage, time, children, distance will never change the relationship we have. My tears are more of a recognition of how much she means to me. My world has been the "GIRLS" sinc...

Today is ten years since my heart attack and bypass surgery. Ten years ago I gave birth to this precious boy. How can the best and worst come together? I am blessed to be here, and have seen as many days as I have. I amin the throws of craziness in our house. Weddings, broken bones, pulmonary embolisms, cataract surgeries. Wedding, wedding, wedding!! BUT, I am here. I didnt think I would be. I rememeber praying for ne more day with my family. One more time to see my baby. SCREAMING to see my baby one more time. Praying my girls forgave me for leaving them. But here we are. Ten years... I am blessed beyond words, grateful and humbled for all of my blessings. I am in love with my life, through it all I wouldnt change a thing. Thank God, THANK YOU GOD.

Where have I been,? My laptop shit the bed.  So I am a squatter wherever I can find a computer with access. Yipppee I found a looophole at work and here I am! Whats new? Nothing... Everything? What more can I say than these beauties above. Now that I can reacha computer I will be around more often.  Thank you for nt forgetting about me,. I see people are checking frequently to see if there is anything new. Im here, Im ok. Im ready.

HS reunion 30 years. More than that, I have lived this long?! What was on my mind at the time of the above photo.  circa 1984? I wrote poetry and stories then destroyed them or hid them under my bed. I wondered if I would ever have a boyfriend, would anyone ever love me? I knew I was going to Nursing school, but was indifferent about the idea.  I wanted to go somewhere and didnt really care where. I was wearing Amy's Moms sweater, she wore my Moms sweater. I had nevereending thoughts about living in a city, in a small apartment, minding my business. My life was very predictable and stable.  My parents worked hard and I had a job at the lawyers office as a receptionist. "kLEINBERG, MARONEY MASTERSON AND SCHACHTER THIS IS SUZANNE SPEAKING HOW MAY I HELP YOU/" I had a date to the prom, but he hardly spoke to me and once we got there he disappeared with his girlfiend that was attending with some other poor sap that invited her. But my dress was beautiful, my m...

Summer is not offically over acording to the calender, but in my mind and heart we are over.  A successful one, but time to turn the page. My favorite time of year is so close I can smell and taste it in the air. I lay in bed at night with the windows open just enough to get the fresh autumn breeeze over my face.  There is a whiff of smoke, something damp, some noise of a bird, crickets in their final chorus, innately knowing "speak now, or be lost forever." There have been a few rainy days in the last two weeks and they are calming, notures way of saying.. "Its ok to stay home and snuggle your boy, watch him play games all day, Lego for hours."  "Its ok to lay in bed with your man while he works and reads, and listens to music."  Its alright to WANT to stay home, and hide out, and cook. We were out the mountain for Labor day weekend as always. There was rain, sun, puffy white clouds.  the whole thing. Yesterday I put out my mums, three huge pott...

The summer of 2014 is winding down.  But not without a few little things left to do.  We have had a few adventures and quite a bit of fun. Farm camp the first week of summer which feels like forever ago.  Jack learned about chickens, cows, goats and alot of water life.. It was definitely a great expereince that we will do again next year. We went to the forty fort pool a few times, but certainly not as much as we have previous years.  I think something has changed for me.  I used to enjoy going and being just THERE.  We were busy with Karate all summer which has been great for our boy.  He is strong and trying hard to stay intune with Master Barnes.  There was a visit to Wilhelmina Modeling visit.  Of course they want Jack to be a model but they wanted a 1000 dollar phtoshoot to put his cards out and put him on their website.  OK Dont have that. He is beautiful, I know.  He will always be beautiful. YMCA camp with a sleep aw...