30 years and counting.

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HS reunion 30 years.
More than that, I have lived this long?!
What was on my mind at the time of the above photo.  circa 1984?
I wrote poetry and stories then destroyed them or hid them under my bed.
I wondered if I would ever have a boyfriend, would anyone ever love me?
I knew I was going to Nursing school, but was indifferent about the idea.  I wanted to go somewhere and didnt really care where.
I was wearing Amy's Moms sweater, she wore my Moms sweater.
I had nevereending thoughts about living in a city, in a small apartment, minding my business.
My life was very predictable and stable.  My parents worked hard and I had a job at the lawyers office as a receptionist.
"kLEINBERG, MARONEY MASTERSON AND SCHACHTER THIS IS SUZANNE SPEAKING HOW MAY I HELP YOU/"
I had a date to the prom, but he hardly spoke to me and once we got there he disappeared with his girlfiend that was attending with some other poor sap that invited her.
But my dress was beautiful, my mother and I shopped and found it together.  It was 135 dollars.
That was ALOT ALOT ALOT of money.
My Mom bought it without a single complaint.
I was quiet on the outside but loud and observant on the inside,
Now..
Today...
I am not that girl anymore.
I can stare in her eyes and  remember her loneliness.
Her doubt, insecuritites,
I can look at me TODAY....
who is in there?
doubt, insecurity, loneliness.
The rewards of living this long.
I have people that love me and remind me of my gifts.
I am a loving caring Mother 24 hours a day for the last 25 years.
I am smart, effective at work.
Caring about my sdtudents and coworkers.
I have amazing family, Brothers, cousins.
My MOTHER,  beyond words.
Jack... too many words.
I am happy inside mostly.
Happiest?  When I feel EFFECTIVE.
Happiest? With my happy children.
Happiest? when I rememeber happy days from the past 30 years.
But the dark cloud comes quickand covers every nook and cranny.
Im happy to still be around.  I know Im irreplaceable.
In manay many lives
Its all good.
Lets see what the next 10 brings.

Comments

Anonymous said…
As beautiful, if not more, than thirty years ago. I know, I was there. You are a wonderful force of nature. I am happy to be a part of your lovely vortex.;)S.
10:37 PM
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