Flaming June's Love

Where have I been,? My laptop shit the bed.  So I am a squatter wherever I can find a computer with access. Yipppee I found a looophole at work and here I am! Whats new? Nothing... Everything? What more can I say than these beauties above. Now that I can reacha computer I will be around more often.  Thank you for nt forgetting about me,. I see people are checking frequently to see if there is anything new. Im here, Im ok. Im ready.

HS reunion 30 years. More than that, I have lived this long?! What was on my mind at the time of the above photo.  circa 1984? I wrote poetry and stories then destroyed them or hid them under my bed. I wondered if I would ever have a boyfriend, would anyone ever love me? I knew I was going to Nursing school, but was indifferent about the idea.  I wanted to go somewhere and didnt really care where. I was wearing Amy's Moms sweater, she wore my Moms sweater. I had nevereending thoughts about living in a city, in a small apartment, minding my business. My life was very predictable and stable.  My parents worked hard and I had a job at the lawyers office as a receptionist. "kLEINBERG, MARONEY MASTERSON AND SCHACHTER THIS IS SUZANNE SPEAKING HOW MAY I HELP YOU/" I had a date to the prom, but he hardly spoke to me and once we got there he disappeared with his girlfiend that was attending with some other poor sap that invited her. But my dress was beautiful, my m...

Summer is not offically over acording to the calender, but in my mind and heart we are over.  A successful one, but time to turn the page. My favorite time of year is so close I can smell and taste it in the air. I lay in bed at night with the windows open just enough to get the fresh autumn breeeze over my face.  There is a whiff of smoke, something damp, some noise of a bird, crickets in their final chorus, innately knowing "speak now, or be lost forever." There have been a few rainy days in the last two weeks and they are calming, notures way of saying.. "Its ok to stay home and snuggle your boy, watch him play games all day, Lego for hours."  "Its ok to lay in bed with your man while he works and reads, and listens to music."  Its alright to WANT to stay home, and hide out, and cook. We were out the mountain for Labor day weekend as always. There was rain, sun, puffy white clouds.  the whole thing. Yesterday I put out my mums, three huge pott...

The summer of 2014 is winding down.  But not without a few little things left to do.  We have had a few adventures and quite a bit of fun. Farm camp the first week of summer which feels like forever ago.  Jack learned about chickens, cows, goats and alot of water life.. It was definitely a great expereince that we will do again next year. We went to the forty fort pool a few times, but certainly not as much as we have previous years.  I think something has changed for me.  I used to enjoy going and being just THERE.  We were busy with Karate all summer which has been great for our boy.  He is strong and trying hard to stay intune with Master Barnes.  There was a visit to Wilhelmina Modeling visit.  Of course they want Jack to be a model but they wanted a 1000 dollar phtoshoot to put his cards out and put him on their website.  OK Dont have that. He is beautiful, I know.  He will always be beautiful. YMCA camp with a sleep aw...

  There is heat in my nose. Tightness in my throat, a smile on my face. Tears in my eyes. A tightening in my gut, that holds tight even in my sleep. When I die my LOVE will be a ball of the finest golden thread that is rolled in the tightest ball, that circles round and round itself, over and over back and forth.  Unable to find the begining or the end.  It will be heavy with weight of the gold, but pliable in its ability to move and reshape for whatever comes its way. My body will be dust but my LOVE will be golden, warm, glowing and alive. So many good loving things recently.  Wedding plans, family visits, a boy that hugs me, kisses me, tells me he loves me.  The love in my life is big enough for me.  I have enough. My girls, my boy, my family... fill me.  Do they really KNOW? Do you KNOW? When I cant sleep at night I roll your faces in my head, dead and living. You all help me sleep, to push away the things I am avoiding. The ...

 Beaver lake Camp Kresge.  Jack and Louis before their first day at Camp. Dad at Camp Kresge. What if? What if Jack met a cute dark haired boy with a white spot on his front tooth.  He has crazy blue eyes and a smile that is contagious.  His name is Bobby. He is a friendly smile, a chuckle like boys do, an extra splash while they play in Beaver Lake. What if Bobbys buddy Bernie is there?  Then four boys hang out a bit, rub elbows and do camp stuff together. Four kids have a magical time, playing, swimming, goofing off like eight year old boys do.  Summer day that never ends.  "The best day EVER." Right when it is time for lights out, the four decide to be best friends for life.  Even if they never see eachother again, Jack and Louis are reassured that their new friends Bobby and Bernie, will always be there for them. When they are going back to school, doing homework, playing sports, driving cars, dating girls, going to college, ...