Feel my LOVE.

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There is heat in my nose.
Tightness in my throat,
a smile on my face.
Tears in my eyes.
A tightening in my gut, that holds tight even in my sleep.

When I die my LOVE will be a ball of the finest golden thread that is rolled in the tightest ball, that circles round and round itself, over and over back and forth.  Unable to find the begining or the end.  It will be heavy with weight of the gold, but pliable in its ability to move and reshape for whatever comes its way.
My body will be dust but my LOVE will be golden, warm, glowing and alive.

So many good loving things recently.  Wedding plans, family visits, a boy that hugs me, kisses me, tells me he loves me.  The love in my life is big enough for me.  I have enough.

My girls, my boy, my family... fill me. 
Do they really KNOW?
Do you KNOW?
When I cant sleep at night I roll your faces in my head, dead and living.
You all help me sleep, to push away the things I am avoiding.
The obvious failures in my life can be REBUILT.
Take my shortcomings, mistakes, failures and strip them down to bare bones and REBUILD then into new behaviors, outlooks, motivations.
Because.... as much as I love, I AM LOVED.
I feel your love.
My golden thread that binds me to all of you for all eternity spinning and twisting upon itself into a quivering ball of light, is made by me.  Nurtured by me, cared for by ME.
Yet inspired by all of you.

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