Flaming June's Love

  There is heat in my nose. Tightness in my throat, a smile on my face. Tears in my eyes. A tightening in my gut, that holds tight even in my sleep. When I die my LOVE will be a ball of the finest golden thread that is rolled in the tightest ball, that circles round and round itself, over and over back and forth.  Unable to find the begining or the end.  It will be heavy with weight of the gold, but pliable in its ability to move and reshape for whatever comes its way. My body will be dust but my LOVE will be golden, warm, glowing and alive. So many good loving things recently.  Wedding plans, family visits, a boy that hugs me, kisses me, tells me he loves me.  The love in my life is big enough for me.  I have enough. My girls, my boy, my family... fill me.  Do they really KNOW? Do you KNOW? When I cant sleep at night I roll your faces in my head, dead and living. You all help me sleep, to push away the things I am avoiding. The ...

 Beaver lake Camp Kresge.  Jack and Louis before their first day at Camp. Dad at Camp Kresge. What if? What if Jack met a cute dark haired boy with a white spot on his front tooth.  He has crazy blue eyes and a smile that is contagious.  His name is Bobby. He is a friendly smile, a chuckle like boys do, an extra splash while they play in Beaver Lake. What if Bobbys buddy Bernie is there?  Then four boys hang out a bit, rub elbows and do camp stuff together. Four kids have a magical time, playing, swimming, goofing off like eight year old boys do.  Summer day that never ends.  "The best day EVER." Right when it is time for lights out, the four decide to be best friends for life.  Even if they never see eachother again, Jack and Louis are reassured that their new friends Bobby and Bernie, will always be there for them. When they are going back to school, doing homework, playing sports, driving cars, dating girls, going to college, ...

I remember this outfit I am wearing above.  My grandparents Joe and Alice on the left, Aunt Betty and Uncle Tom on the right. Mom and I on the swing. Mom and Dad, probably late fifties.  Just so stunning. I caught the last hour or so of Field of Dreams the other night.  I love that movie.  Especially the last few minutes. When Kevin Costners character looks out at the field he built, that was inspired by a feeling of something bigger someday, I had a sudden ache in my heart. That is our mountain.  They built it, and we continue to come. 70 years later, continue to show up.  Listening to crickets, telling same old stories, and adding new ones. Our memories are what keep the place ALIVE with the spirits of those that have gone before us. I remember last year one summer night just sitting in the quiet dark, listening for something, anything that would take me back to those days. "Are you here?" I whispered to the night. "Can you hear ...

  I rememebr the picture at the top.  That day was a stunningly beautiful day at the Jersey shore.  Jack was four.  His t-shirt was from Bloom Early day care.  He is just gorgeous, that mouth, those eyes, his bleach blonde hair. He had also been thrown out of two daycares that summer. yeah sounds funny, but truly a nightmare.  He was sooo aggressive that he was hurting other kids everyday.  Tantrums, hitting, kicking, punching, screaming.  He also didnt speak a the time.  At least not in sentences. He could use single or possibly  two words to communicate and that is where his frustration came from. He had already spent two years at Wyoming Valley Childrens Association and was making great progress.  But we werent there yet. I think if we look back on the blog there is an entry about this day. He would wander off, Run down the beach not look back. He tried talking to other people but they had no idea what he w...

Tomorrow morning I will wake up and be 48 years old. How old is that? Old enough to know better, Old enough to know love, and friendship. I've had a good 48.  I want at least 20 more. Jack said to me in the car yesterday, "I hope you live long enough to see my children, and be their Nana." I told him I hope I do too pal, but if I don't I will be an angel watching over you as you are a great Daddy and husband someday. No sad stuff. What are the highlights of my 47th year? Married nine years, Two daughter got engaged, My boy survived the second grade and in the end... He was successful. I watched Jack grow up, he is a boy now, He is private, gets embarassed, has friends, plays sports, TALKS a BLUUUUUUUE streak! I remember the days I swore he would never talk.  Then GOD intervened and here we are. Andy became Mayor.  ... ? ? ? I have some really good dear friends. I haven't been able to say that for quite some time. I have friends that I trust...

My beautiful, smart, funny, independnt, loving daughters. Big things are happening in their lives.  They have both found good men to spend the rest of their lives with. For this, I am grateful. Honestly, I could not have found two more well suited guys for them. Ryan makes Allie laugh.  Out loud, tears in her eyes, laugh. When I think of the times I love most with my Andy it is the times when he makes me laugh. There are aspects of their relationship that remind me alot of Tim and I. An understated familiarity.  A comfortable place they find in one another. They have similar goals.  To be happy, simple, honest people.  Together. That I like for her. Brandon is sweet and tender.  He loves Melissa with is whole heart.  It is obvious when you see them together, he admires her when she is next to him, across form him, or across the room.  He anticipates her needs and tends to them even without her asking. They both have such inno...