Flaming June's Love

Its all about The Suzie. That line was created by Andy a few years ago. He says it when he is talking about doing something for me... for example- where to go for dinner? Its all about The Suzie. What color to paint the house? Its all about The Suzie. Finding something on Ebay that I would like, and buying it, why? because it all about The Suzie. "The Suzie" Sounds a little odd in this forum, but truly life has become about The Suzie. I have had a few lifetimes packed into this 45 years. I have also found it quite interesting that my name has changed with each new chapter. Of course it began as Suzie Jones. and remained the same until I became Suzie Bailey. A turning point came around 30 yrs old when I changed to Suzanne. My given name. I was told by a boss that I respected that "Suzie does not portray to others how smart you are." hmm I'm smart? well certainly someone with the name Suzanne is beautiful, smart and lots of fun to be around. I liked...

I went for a nice walk this morning. The weather was pristine. Clear blue sky, light breeze, almost chilly. A few puffy clouds. I got Jack sent off with Miss Jyllian and I put on my sneakers, a sweatshirt, and of course the Ipod. Interesting things that happened to me on this walk to day. I don't have my own Ipod. I assumed Missi's when she got her new fancy phone which works as a pod. Allie was kind enough to load music into it for me, her music that she believed I would like. I took a gamble and put the Pod on shuffle. SO I took off down River street and the music that played was amazing. I surprisingly knew most of the songs. Dave matthews, John mayer, Jack Johnson, Taylor Swift. then there were a few I didnt know, OAR, Phish, Death cab for cutie, the postal service. As I walked the music seemed to either: 1. Move me along with it, or 2. I willed the right tune to come on. I was chugging along and reached the levee along the Susquehanna I stood there and jus...

I've got a lot on my mind. Alot has come through my mind and heart in the past month or so that I am not purging. Anywhere, to anyone and now, Im foggy. I've used the word constipated before in this forum and tonight is the culmination of emotional constipation. So Im going to purge, dump, shyte. My dads anniversary came and went without blogging fanfare. Is it because I didnt remember or care? nope. It came and went with the usual lump in throat, lead in belly. My husband, who has been sure to take care of me on all of the anniversaries, took jack and I to the beach for Pops anniversary this year. Same as last. I didnt feel any closer to him, there were no whispers in the waves, or long lost notes in the grains of sand. I was still just me. My life was still as importantly uneventful. There was no spiritual eureka of the beyond. No answers to the forever questions of "why?" That's because we are not supposed to know. And that people is that....

A few pictures of the constants in my life. Time goes by, people and places change but these people ARE MY LIFE. Is it really that easy? YES IT IS. For me it is that easy. Since we last chatted hmmm. lets see. Andy and I celebrated 6 years of marriage. Jack graduated from pre-k. Missi returned home from college. Allie completed her first year of nursing school. I turned 45, whew.. My Mom went on a cruise. We went to Florida, and when I say we I mean WE ALL WENT TO FLORIDA!! Mom and I went to Boston for a wedding, just call us Thelma and Louise or maybe Bill and Teds excellent adventure. I have become good friends with my neighbor and her husband. Jack is still the most aggravating lovable pain in the ass. So is his Daddy. I have woken up every morning since going to Florida thinking about moving to New Mexico to be with my brother and sister in law. Starting over-or maybe just restarting. I miss my Dad now that his 5th anniversary is around the corner. How did that happen, how did five...

What compels you to do good things? Is it guilt, fear, or simple do-goodness.? Does it matter what moves you to the "right"? As a child I was reminded that GOD KNOWS what your up to all the time. HE knew if I was thinking bad... "bad" things. HE knew when I was cheating, lying, being lazy, and was keeping track. Are the "bad" things I "DID", the reason why unfavorable things have happened in my life? OR Are the "good" things I have done the reason the "favorable events" have outweighed the uncomfortable to this point? Why do I talk to the students that annoy me? Why do I say hello to almost every person that makes eye contact with me? Why do I forgive and forgive and let go of things... over and over again? Why do I believe people are inherently good, just misunderstood? What is the motivation for returning lost change, picking up trash, following the speed limit and not reading the last page of a book? OK so why? I am asking...

Can you see how amazing this boy is? Can you tell how much we love him? But there are a few things you dont know. He is hypersensitive to tactile stimulation so he has difficulty with his hands being dirty, that is why there are few pictures of his hands in the dirt. He is hardly ever looking directly at the camera, he loses attention THAT FAST! We bought the new camera to "catch him" he is that fast. This was a project we talked about for days and days. He talked about which seeds to plant, what he liked what he didnt. What he would eat, why and who he would share them with. Then had a few minutes of being really pissed because there was no corn. All that aside... He is the most awesome, amazing and charming boy ever. EBBER, in Jackanese.

Allie and I went out shopping today for groceries to prepare for Easter dinner. Then ran to Kmart to find a few Easter bunny treats. Onour way home we called Missi and asked if she wanted a pizza, sure, so we stopped picked up the pie and headed on home. While driving Allie suggested we listen to her new favorite singer Adele. I am a word person. I of course appreciate the music but the lyrics go straight to my heart. This gal has/had a broken heart. As have I. I am attaching this song of Adele's because listening to it took me all the way back to my days truly BROKEN about losing Tim. Not understanding how we could just end like that. I still wonder that, sometimes. Then reality kicks in and I DO REMEMBER. Everyone has 20/20 hindsight. I wish we didnt. Anyway, her broken heart singing about how Dont you remember and Take it all. I remember saying those words, and certainly feeling them. I must end this post with another song, which reflects my today. My life where I am at no...