Flaming June's Love

1. I’ve come to realize that my chest-size… insanely huge with its own zip code 2. I’ve come to realize that my job… means alot to other people but losing its appeal for me. 3. I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving… I am getting places without memory of the trip. 4. I’ve come to realize that I need… a soundproof booth. 5. I’ve come to realize that I have lost… alot- but nothing that cant be reasoned away. 6. I’ve come to realize that I hate… not having control. 7. I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk… I surely had vodka! 8. I’ve come to realize that money… is always someone elses. 9. I’ve come to realize that certain people… deserve better, others deserve nothing 10. I’ve come to realize that I’ll always… wish it were different. 11. I’ve come to realize that my sibling(s)… make me grateful. 12. I’ve come to realize that my mom… is irreplaceable. 13. I’ve come to realize that my cell phone… is just a portable phone to me. 14. I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning…...

“If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.” Tenzin Gyatso God works in mysterious ways. The day before Drew's party Jack had a fever and a wicked "something" brewing. Andy called his step mom and explained we would most likely not make it to his Fahters 70 th birthday party. I had wished for an event or small illness to prevent our going to their home. It happened. We had the perfect out. We were free to do whatever else we wanted with our Saturday. I didnt have to be with a man that I felt/feel has been a terrible Father to my husband. Andy has been sad, angry, lonely, and missed alot not having a present Father. That said, for me, this party was... monumental. The morning of the party we discussed Jacks condition and he was apparently WELL. The opportunity for Andy to meet his SISTER FOR THE FIRST TIME was awaiting him two hours away. (Andy has a much younger half sister he had never met until Saturday, she is a child from a marriage following the...

My Dad had a saying "Keep The Peace", that was what he said to anyone as they parted ways with a handshake. I have been playing with the words lately. I think I am trying to find something new-from the old. I want to feel SOMETHING, I miss him and that has been about all, just sad missing. So in the shower I play with "Kept The Pieces" A word soduko that brings me a chuckle and some peace. I have scrambled and and ommelletted ideas of how to keep him close to my everyday. All Ive got is to "Keep The Pieces" I need to keep the pieces of what we all had, and tend to what we have all become since the end of THEN. I have a description the "sad" that hits me this time of year. Allie and I just let out a little grunt of air to describe the blanket of awareness that hits every so often that--- "Really, really, he is gone, and for a lonnnng time now." I have been having waves of the "oh shits" for about a month now. "Oh shit ...

Been a long time and all is well. Lets see in a nutshell. Nana is back from her trip to Rick and Julies. She had a nice time and I learned a massive lesson. I pretended that she was dead, yes morbid but I told myself one morning "this is what it would be like without your Mother>" I didnt like it. I have recommitted to spending more time with my Mom and listening to her. I know she has alot to talk about and I want to be there for her, since she seems to always be there for me. Next topic, Andy and I celebrated 5 years of marriage. The longest, fastest, best, heartwrenching five years EVER. We had a beautiful boy that wasnt breathing when he came out then recovered, only to not speak until he was almost 5! I have had my medical issues but continue to believe I am unbeatable and indestructible. And has had three jobs and starts another new one next week. Each one an improvement from the last but stressful either way. THE HOUSE! The most beautiful ass ache on the pl...