Finding the Piece.

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My Dad had a saying "Keep The Peace", that was what he said to anyone as they parted ways with a handshake.
I have been playing with the words lately.
I think I am trying to find something new-from the old.
I want to feel SOMETHING, I miss him and that has been about all, just sad missing.
So in the shower I play with
"Kept The Pieces"
A word soduko that brings me a chuckle and some peace.
I have scrambled and and ommelletted ideas of how to keep him close to my everyday. All Ive got is to
"Keep The Pieces"
I need to keep the pieces of what we all had, and tend to what we have all become since the end of THEN.
I have a description the "sad" that hits me this time of year.
Allie and I just let out a little grunt of air to describe the blanket of awareness that hits every so often that---
"Really, really, he is gone, and for a lonnnng time now."
I have been having waves of the "oh shits" for about a month now.
"Oh shit hes dead, oh shit, im scared, oh shit im angry. oh shit my kids have no grandfather, oh shit I dont want to lose anyone else"
My dear Andy know I am struggling with something "not Suzie". He also is patient with my soul shaking rants of anger concerning people that dont DESERVE another day but have lived four years longer than my DAD.
Tally it all up- hmmm
Sunday is Fathers Day I will be with my husband, he is a good Father to ALL of my children.
Andys father will celebrate his 70th Birthday with friends and family- we will be there but I will have an unhealthy, hell fired, dangerously homocidal thought in my mind.
I definately need to write more.
It is my therapy and I need a few sessions a week as you can see I am harboring some angst lately LOL.
My Allie is back home and I missed her and Love her. My Missi is revving up for college just in time for me to let go again.
Jack is the most loving menace in the entire county.
I will post a few pictures for everyone.

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