Flaming June's Love

We ate pastie tonight. You know meat and potato pie? That stuff can kill a gut, then throw some birthday cake and shrimp on top and you feel like shit. I was lying in bed tonight with my Andy and just groaned a little groan and rubbed the ole belly and he said, "there are tums in my overnight bag." simple gesture right? I didnt ask for Tums. Never said a word. He read my mind. The man with the biggest feet on the planet and a "whisper" voice that makes the dog growl read my Fu&*ing mind. He brought my phone to work the other morning because I left it on the kitchen counter. Yup the day after I told him I was no longer going to chase him around the house with a ringing cell phone in my hand screaming "should I answer it!!!!!" I told him he needed to be more responsible for his phone andnot leave it laying around. "what if I need you?" Yeah, that was me. Same Butthead that took the phone from his hand at work and shooed him out the door so I c...

Yeah I am feeling better. Emotionally and physically. I believe menopause has hit me. It is amazing that a few short hours after getting my period which was three weeks late, I am back to my old self. I return to the woman that loves her family and husband and wants to make a big dinner for everyone. Not to say I wouldnt love to have that shoppe someday, I just dont want to leave everyone behind, and disappear. I will call my ob gyn and find some hormones maybe for this transition. Andy and I were talking about this event that is befallen us. MENOPAUSE> end to childbearing years that leaves a woman hormonally unstable and deficient. SO my excuse for my weepy, self indulgent, pathetic week (or two) ------- Hormones, or lack of them. It is 9 30 on a Sunday morning, I am sitting in the recliner and Jack is busy playing with his cars, and new Zhou Zhou pets. He put the zhou zhou in RC Lightning McQueen and drove it around the house. I am making biscuits and some scrambled eggs. drinking...

Kurt Vonnegut's 1997 MIT commencement speech: "Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blin...

Im not feeling it tonight. Not even a little. I am feeling like a failure, I feel disconnected from my choices and flailing at the last second treading water. I came to the realization that I feel bound by the overwhelming idea, "what difference does it make I am going to die soon anyway." I am not asking anyone to respond or worry, I feel fine. Physically I am doing fine. Emotionally I feel over. I have been using the decision making tool that "Does it affect me now?, No, then I dont care." I am living in one sense by the minute, but in another way I am not making any decisions or choices today for the long run. I dont have retirement-I dont need it. I dont worry too much about my marriage, just get through today, he can meet someone else when I am gone. I am not looking for a different job because, what else is there other than a paycheck? I follow a blog that the writer is always brainstorming new jobs, adventures, relationship possibilities,. I realize I dont do...

I'm just so tired Won't you sing me to sleep And fly through my dreams So I can hitch a ride with you tonight And get away from this place Have a new name and face I just ain't the same without you in my life Late night drives, all alone in my car I can't help but start Singing lines from all our favorite songs And melodies in the air Singin' life just ain't fair Sometimes I still just can't believe you're gone And I'm sure the view from heaven Beats the hell out of mine here And if we all believe in heaven, Maybe we'll make it through one more year Down here Feel your fire, When its cold in my heart And things sorta start Remindin' me of my last night with you I only need one more day Just one more chance to say I wish that I had gone up with you too And I'm sure the view from heaven Beats the hell out of mine here And if we all believe in heaven Maybe we'll make it through one more year Down here You won't be comin' back And...