Flaming June's Love

Yeah so that is almost three years, Au%ust 18th Ill have my new junk...three years. My Dad came to visit me in the hospital about a day or two later after this fiasco and said he prayed, prayed to %od to let me live. He told me he would trade his life for mine at that time. He said that out loud. "SuZIe, I prayed to $et you well and asked %od to save you and take me instead." I thou%ht nothin of it at the time. Until a year later almost to the day and he is lyin% in a hospital bed, dyin%. Did %od listen and take him up on his offer? AM I here because of some deal? Should I feel %uilty? Its all very bizzarre isnt it? Im %oin% to ask him about that when I see him. Remind me of that OK?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Kahlil Cut me a break dudes and dudettes I am tryin here. I am really stretchin% and reachin% for some sense of peace on this day. I do feel some relief that my MOm and Dads house sold easily, Mom has some extra cash to feel comfort from. We are all comforted by the idea that she is closer to me and I can be there in less than three minutes. ALL FANTASTIC. I am searchin the web for words to comfort my feelin^s of loss, and a quote that will ease the reality of transition. Transition and chan%e are all fine thin%s. WHEN YOU WANT CHAN5E!!! I personally dont want chan%e, I like the same old thin%. I was born to be the same old thin%, dammit. OK so Kahlil Gibran is tellin me that my sorrow is just a si%n of my happines...

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. 9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? 10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. 11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God m...

It done. Mom and Dads house is empty. The stuff is %one. The floors are swept and the memories have been stirred so that as we drove away today I could almost still hear them. I took some pics of the place. If these walls and floors could talk. I am attachin% a pic of my Dads chair a tthe breakfast bar. It is stayin% with the house. It belon%s there for the new family. I took a few pics and can still see him sittin% there smokin% and smilin% waitin% for us to visit. The family pics attached are from the memorial posters from his funeral. The pics are irreplaceable and I cant take them. So I pic'd pics. Allie is pickin% a few of the amazin% flowers from the yard. Jonh was there for a few minutes and he cried. We were a family all of us on that street for too few years. I let ^o of his wife my best friend on that street. My husband on that street, my Dad. My %randfather, My %randmother,. All our family apirits charm that street and I now officially have no reason t...

Tomorrow is the be^inin^ of the end of the house at 137. Mom and Dads housr for almost twenty years and now it is %oin% to someone else. I think we will be ok. I have nothin% but %ood memories from the house and I think we are leavin% only the best of karma in the place. I can say that when I think of my Dad one of the first thin%s that pops into my head is him sittin% at the table in the kitchen and when anyone would walk throu%h the front door he would yell. "Hey ALlie look its my %irl." "boy" "buddy" I miss him, miss him badly and know that after this second anniversary next week I have to move on and start to heal. I cant keep this so close to the surface %rief is truly eatin% me up somedays. I plan to %o to therapy even if its only a short time to help me move throu%h this. I owe it to my family. In other news my boy had the pukers the other ni%ht and althou^h I felt terrrible for him I had to lau%h at times. He was tellin% me "UHOH UHOH...

About 14 years a&0 while livin% on the farm there was as ummer day when both of my %irls went down for a nap. They were such %ood ^irls, they would ^o to their room play for a bit and then %o to sleep. I could hear them pretty well and the never %ot into too mucht rouble I recall it bein% a summer day because their air conditioner was on and their room door was shut. I remember bein% in the bedroom in the front of the house when I %ot the sudden whif of basby powder. hmmm funny. five minutes later I smell it a^ain. I looked of the bottle, its not there where it should be on th chan%in% table in the hall. Missi was about two and Allie 4ish. No panic I must have left it somewhere in a rush diaper chan%e. I walk past the %irls room to head down the steps and there it was, the smell of baby powder stron% as ever. OH ^OD WHAT ARE THEY DOIN%!!!!! I opened the door and truly could not find my children in the fo% they had created while emptyin% the lar%e shaker of talc into the a...

A few notes to the MASSES or shall I say thron^S of readers. LOL Yesterday was two years since my Dads admission to the hospital. He was admitted on a I cant remember... Is that a %ood thin%? I cant remember the day of the week. I have found blo^s of parents that have lost children and I read them every ni^ht so I can realize the potential of loss. I feel it but cant fathom their pain. I realize we are lucky we havent had disaster, we have lost a father which is to be expected at this sta^e of our lives. doenst make it better thou^h. My Moms car broke down today and we rented one for her to use for a few weeks until she fi^ures out what she wants to do with the car and then ^o buy another. ANYEWHO we walk into the place of rentals and it is a n absolute disaster area. mess. I Immediately thou^t shady joint and wnated to leave. Then the nicest man came out from behind the desk and immediately I thou^ht what I nice man for my mom. hmmm MOM what? date. He was white haired dre...