blahhdy blahhddy blah...

-
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Kahlil

Cut me a break dudes and dudettes I am tryin here.
I am really stretchin% and reachin% for some sense of peace on this day. I do feel some relief that my MOm and Dads house sold easily, Mom has some extra cash to feel comfort from. We are all comforted by the idea that she is closer to me and I can be there in less than three minutes. ALL FANTASTIC.
I am searchin the web for words to comfort my feelin^s of loss, and a quote that will ease the reality of transition. Transition and chan%e are all fine thin%s. WHEN YOU WANT CHAN5E!!!
I personally dont want chan%e, I like the same old thin%. I was born to be the same old thin%, dammit.
OK so Kahlil Gibran is tellin me that my sorrow is just a si%n of my happiness. I know, I know. If it werent a %ood thin% we wouldnt miss it so much. I know.
Blahhdy blahhdy blah.
Inother news.
Andy has built the two decks out of three that need to be finsihed. amazin man I married he is learnin thin%s from the computer and then ^oes outside and does them.
Hmm 12 by 12 deck with railin%s and steps. &oo^le that and out he %oes.
He is coura%eous, stron% ('stron^ like bull" as my Dad used to say about him) and I can learn so much from him. Love him and what he means to me.
Allie will be 19 on Sunday and she is havin a few (?) friends over saturday ni%ht, so Andy is workin double time to $et the yard lookin %ood for her.
I al fine, we are lucky. and Kahlil...... You re ri%ht.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Kiss

-
Image
  It has been 75 days. When I went to bed at night I would cry, every night.  My Mom would begin the process of "bedtime" at least 30 minutes before I actually had to go to my room.  She would give me the countdown. "Next commercial break"  "Ten more minutes"  "Go get your last drink of water" Some nights she would begin to doze and I would squeeze another 10 minutes until the dreaded bed time. Then began the process.  We would go to my room, which was only 12 feet from the living room in all actuality, but it was miles in my little girl heart.  Mom would pull down the covers, tuck me in, give me all of my comfort things and then I would cry.  The more she tried to make me comfortable with the thought of sleeping, alone, the harder I would cry.  If she would just say go to bed, it would have been easier. We would say my prayers together, Our Father, Hail Mary and then all of the God Bless's. The God Blesses were my definite way to get her to ...
Read more

Ayla

-
Image
 When I was in High School my best friend was Amy.  I don't remember how we met or where, but somehow we just clicked.  I believe it was probably on the patio where in the 1980's you could go outside and smoke cigarettes with your friends on free mods or breaks.  Yep those were the days.   We were in 10th grade which made us 15.  I smoked Parliament light 100's  with the recessed filters (IYKYK) and she smoked Benson and Hedges.  She was a cheerleader that was so far from the "cheerleader" type it would crack us up.  We wrote notes in those days, scraps of paper that we would purge our daily trials onto, fold in some triangular football shape and pass to one another in the hall.  We could fill a note throughout the day and then I would throw it into a box for the ages to find someday.  We were able to talk endlessly about music, people, boyfriends, animals, school, college, parents, divorce, siblings, hours of chat.  We al...
Read more

No, not that.

-
Image
 Lets talk about graduation parties!  Should I order the chicken scampi or marsala for the chicken dish?  Cakes and cupcakes or cookies?  DJ or photo booth or both? So we decorate the cake with Wyoming Seminary as a graduate or Penn State as his college destination? No, we wont talk about that.  You know, the "drophimoffandleavehimtherepart" or the "Ihaveabsolutelynopurposewithouthiminmydailygrind" lets not forget "Whenyoufoughttoliveforthisboyandnowheisgoingwhylive?" OK OK I'm not going to end my life because Jack is leaving for college, but for christs sake what the fuck is my purpose now?  I am struggling, struggling with so many things right now. I know my struggle on paper is nothing compared to so many other people.  My weight, my hair, my boy, my heart, my future.  I want to just get to the point where I can just take him and drop him off.  Rush through this summer and get it over with, pull off the bandaid quick and start the new chap...
Read more