Flaming June's Love

I am ok. I guess I am a whiner but everyone is I guess at some point. I am feeling better. Andy and I have some really rough parts. To be expected but put two strong willed and eagerly argumentative people who in the end really love each other there is defianately going to be fireworks. I will end it with that for tonight and hopefully get a chance to write more another night.

I have alot of anger. somewhere somehow I learned to be an asshole. Brother Dave can vouch for my nasty streak. I am definately feeling angry pent up and ready to fight. I take alot and dont always get to give back. I feel misunderstood and taken advantage of alot of the time. I want to fight and beat someone up. I need therapy I need a punching bag or just a dose of new life. My weekend should be enjoyable but it isnt. Too much tension and stress. ahhh forget it... I am just not in good space.

I am good thank you. My boy was an angel today. He was smart and beautiful and I so want to share him with everyone. I have put his app in for montessori school for the fall. I think he will blossom. Missi is counting the days til the end of school. I dont blame her. Allie is doing fine and working hard everyday. Out in the evenings but what else do 18 yr olds do? Andy is away on business and home tomorrow for the weekend. I am just kinda the door holder I feel sometimes. I greet and listen and uhhuh everyone and add my two cents when I feel necessary but I dont feel as though I share too much of my own stuff. I am sure they would listen but does it all really matter? I have classrooms full of students. They are adult learners coming back to school for a career and I am their leader to say. I teach them stuff they thought they could never learn. I am the class they look forward to because I "encourage them and make then feel as thought hey can do it." I dont think the...

Cant explain it, it doesnt mean anything. I so wanted to call my ex today. I needed that almighty validation again. Yeah I so in love with that word lately. Needy? Maybe but I sometimes need that somebody that was there, wherever i am traveling back to I need to reminisce with someone... else. Today was the Memorail days of my past. Memorial weekends of allnighters with lots of beer and laughing til you pee your pants. Family that drives you crazy but you would kill for without a second thought. Most of all nights beside a fire so hot and beautiful, mesmerizing dancing and safe. Music that everyone knew the words too. Stories of out past that seemed unreal. Memories of my grandparents. My Aunts and uncles. My brothers as teens, twenties, thirties. Us as kids, our kids as kids. My mom and dad sitting at the fire holding hands chatting between themselves. Laughing out loud. Crossing the street to check on sleeping babies, or sneak a quickie maybe. Lots and lots of beer. lots and...

I am feeling good. Physically and emotionally I feel strong. I rode my bike today about three miles with Jack on the back. I really need a pic of that so you can appreciate the scene of the two of us riding that bike. It was a truly spectacular day and clear blue skies with a beautiful breeze blowing. Cool fresh air and we went along the river and how the scene has changed since we began our walks. As you stand up on the dike now the whole valley surrounds you with green trees and blue skies and sparkling river. The dike project now finished is amazing to walk or bike. I was riding and all I could think was how beautiful the whole scene was. Kids playing soccer on one side of me the river on another. A small biplane flying round over head since there is a small private airport in our town, people take lessons and fly about the river and admire the scene. People say hi to you talk to Jack and really a nice place to be. Our house today looks beautiful. Andy has been working h...

If you dont know the stiry il;l make it quick and hopefully painless. Heartattack and a Dr that literally walked in on it and saved my life by thinking fast and having excellent timing. I remember gong into congestive heart failure and respiratory failure and grabbing him by his tie and telling him "I cant breathe, dont let me die." He said, "Im really trying." I also rememember being intubated while awake(I dont suggest that AT ALL) and he was standing behind a glasss window in the Cath lab and he had his hands in his hair and staring at me. I remember catching his eye and thinking this guy has to help me. Dr. G is about 6 feet tall, daerk salt and pepper hair about thre years alder than me and so down to earth and normal its unbeleievable. He is very much like my brother Dan. Cautious, watchful but sharp. To try to convey how I feel about this guy think about someone.... hmmm... I have no desire to sleep with the guy, (Which for those who know me is quite A...