Flaming June's Love

Did I mention lately that I love love love my husband. He got me some beautiful and thoughtful gifts this Christmas. I asked for a toaster. Got it. He got a dvd player for the car for Jack. He got me pony holders for my hair and a flat screen tv for our family room in the new house to put above the fireplace. I mentioned it was something I wanted "someday" for that room and there it was christmas morning. I dont love him for the stuff, I love him for the thinking about the stuff. He has been working everyday, everyday including christmas to get this house ready for us. We are so close to there I cant taste it. last night I helped him for a few hours with the hard wood floors. We work together pretty well. He has invested blood sweat and tears into every inch of that house and THAT... THAT IS LOVE.

You know those videos on tv of people falling down hills or on bikes out of control and they just FALL? OK well thats me right now, we are moving in exactly one week. I am packing stuff everywhere there are boxes filled with who knows what in every room. I have Jack at my Moms as often as possible so he doesnt get hurt. Yeah life, is definately headed to the new place and I think.... Its going to be ok. In the process I have found girls work since kindergarten. Anniversary and birthday cards since 1990. I had one on the top of the pile from Tim circa 1998 10 year anniversary card and it was truly filled with LOVE. I am sorry for hurting him. truly. Regrets I have to work on this new year. I need to start to forgive myself. ANd hopefully be a better person. I cried alot today. Many memories I found and enjoyed. I wish everyone all that is good if I dotnwrie again for a while.

I have so much to say. My heart is so full. I spent my Christmas with my entire family and everyone I could mention or muster loving thoughts of I saw today. My brother Dave had my grandfathers films transferred to dvd. He chose film from the early 60's and film from the mid 70's. That menat that I did get to spend Christmas with my grandparents, my parents, my brothers, Aunts and Uncles that have been gone for years. The film was alot of Christmas. Ironically we spent our Christmas watching our long lost relatives come through the front door of my grandparents house silently mouthing Merry Christmas. Here we were 30 and 40 years later saying the same thing to all of them. My parents really, REALLY young. My brothers teenagers. Me about 12, and ten. braces in some, a few summer films. Just so so so good. I know Dave will be reading this within the next few days and all I can say is that you made my Christmas wish come true. I spent my day with our grandparents, and our ...

I watched a movie and have obviously stayed up later than usual. I watched Evening with Claire Danes and a whole bunch of amazing actors. It was an intersting flick about a dying womans last days and the memories that come back to her, along with some of the "visitors" that come to hre in her last days. I rememebr the nurse telling me that my dad had "visitors" on the Saturday night before he died. I asked what that meant she reassured me that he had loved ones come to see him in the night and he chatted with them and watched them walk about his room and he was more "awake" than she had seen him. It was a long night of visitors she told me. I think that was her way of saying it was time to let him go. He was gone after that night. He was no longer fighting. Almost peaceful. I still get that scared, panic feeling fleeting over me that he is gone and worse of all that he suffered. I just had it now, shit. Anyway the movie. The long and short of it i...

Everyone has em. But if you asked two people from the same time they would have different recollections. My family will attest tot he fact that I am not a surprise kinda gal. I am terrible with happy secrets. ( I can keep a serious secret but if it is a good surprise I am terrible) I have been a present peeker since I figured out there wasnt a santa. My Mom hid gifts as well as possible in a house with four kids and NO ROOM. I found them every year in the basement covered in blankets. I never ever had surprises. Even the year of the bicycle it wasnt surprised. I was visiting my moms friends house and there in her basement was a pink sparkly bike. I was maybe ten and figured it had to be mine. I didnt mention it to anyone and there it was Christmas morning in the living room. One year when I was on the cusp of santa vs. no santa, I asked for a baby Alive. Everyone wanted one and I saw it on TV all the time. I knew it cost alot of money so I could never get it cuz we were no...

Pictures from last night and today. The first is Jack hanging out having some popcorn before bed and watching Santa Movies. He is really just soo cute and soo wild at times. I took him to see the Big Santa at the Mall and he was so excited. Until it was his turn and man he threw the breaks on. He had been dancing in the line and jumping up and down waving blowing kisses, then Santa said "cmon over Jack" Not a chance. He freaked and took offf down the aisle of the mall. Missi is working diligently on her gifts for her friends. She began with clay and formed lil critters. fired them on the oven and is pictured painting them up. Truly she is talented and patient and more than I am in theat field. I so love her. Allie had a headache last night and said Im going to take a "quick" nap. Well she laid down at 430 and we all did our thing around her in the LR. Andy worked, I cooked, Missi worked on her critters and Jack was a dancing Santa watching singing elf. S...