Flaming June's Love

Lucky Me. The grad Jack and the beer keg The morning after. I will write more later.

I need a kick in the ass and then feel free to hit me really hard in the arm. I am a selfish and self absorbed sloth. I have spent the past two weeks whining about my "lack of control" and feelings of lacklustre, when truly all my complaints are within my own realm of repairedness. Babble with nonsensical words, but true. I need to relish and enjoy my kids new worlds and be grateful they have these opportunities. I was bitching about my kid in Europe, That is truly WHACKED!!!! I am sad because my daughter is growing up and doesnt want to tell me everything. NORMAL! I clicked my way to a blog today of a woman who just lost one of her two sons at birth. Twins and one died a few weeks later. I have the audacity to complain because Jack is a running, messy ball of snot and dirt. He is also the first to hug me in the morning, he wakes with LIFE in his eyes eager to go and find. He says MAMA and knows it is me. A first since his ear surgery. My husband although at t...

Allie in one of the many museums she got to tour. Obviously in stonehenge. I have only seen it in pics and there is MY BABY IN FRONT OF IT> Her date one night in an English pub. Johnny Depp? See Mr Flumpy peeking out of her backpack she has about 50 pics of HIM all over Europe. Really funny spots buses, phonebooths, stonehenge, palaces, gardens, other stuffed animals "he" met along the way. One of her 400 scenery pics I wish I could share them all with you. Allie and her Daddy, my ex. They normally bicker and disagree she said she finally got an idea of who her Dad is, I am very happy for that.

I appreciate people calling and writing concerning my latest "funk". I guess I should have known it was coming. As everyone knows I finally was off the Paxil since maybe three weeks ago. I had been taking ten MG every other or third day to keep the effects at bay. Little did I know that the worst was yet to come. I dont talk too much about my emotional stuff because I feel "winey". I have nothing to be sad about. But I was feeling really really sad, I know sad is a simple word. better description would be moody, depressed, sad about all the changes right now. They are all out of my control, and all directly effect me. I am a control kinda gal you know. I control where and when people go and do anything or did anyway. Now I have a two year old that does and goes whilly nilly. My oldest daughter in Europe with and where I didnt know. Best (sarc) of all is that in a few short weeks I will get phone calls every day or four letting me know the status of h...

Im not feeling optimistic lately. I should be at a very good positive point in my life. I am not feeling it. I have great kids. My oldest in now in England and called sounding like a little girl. I wanted to reach through the phone and get her home. She is fine I know but the mother in me doesnt want to let go. I am counting the days til she gets back only to start counting down to her departure to college. Missi is good turning into a sassy independent woman. She is different from Al. Missi doesnt talk as much as Al. She is a normal teen and keeps her stuff to herself. Jack is good and very very active. I am truly physicallly exhausted by the end of the day and my body hurts. I have nothing to complain about but I am doing it anyway. A girl at work yesterday said she hated me because she thought I had the "perfect" life. hmmm... Most of the time I feel really lucky and grateful. Other times I want to either run away and be alone, Go back to the life before ...

the back of the house allie and her man squash spaghetti missi and her dance partner