Hit me harder...

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I need a kick in the ass and then feel free to hit me really hard in the arm. I am a selfish and self absorbed sloth. I have spent the past two weeks whining about my "lack of control" and feelings of lacklustre, when truly all my complaints are within my own realm of repairedness. Babble with nonsensical words, but true. I need to relish and enjoy my kids new worlds and be grateful they have these opportunities. I was bitching about my kid in Europe, That is truly WHACKED!!!! I am sad because my daughter is growing up and doesnt want to tell me everything. NORMAL! I clicked my way to a blog today of a woman who just lost one of her two sons at birth. Twins and one died a few weeks later. I have the audacity to complain because Jack is a running, messy ball of snot and dirt. He is also the first to hug me in the morning, he wakes with LIFE in his eyes eager to go and find. He says MAMA and knows it is me. A first since his ear surgery.
My husband although at times a real bear does LOVE me, is that enough all the time no but the good thing is he wants to try harder as do I. We have a great future ahead of us adventure and excitement if I let my life be what it is supposed to be. I have to stop holding "IT" back.
What we have is what we make it. Whether I remarried or not had Jack or not, my life wouldbe changing now. I would have to let go,
I need to write more often again. It is cathartic. I will be crying periodically. Dad, babies that grow into women, bodies that dont want to be a size 10 anymore, Little boys that eat dogfood and the irony of selling a house that is a mess to move into a house that is spanking new.
Allies bash is Sunday. Lots and lots of planning. I am excited.
My friend Ruby wrote me a note the other day and I didnt write back for I was still pulling my head out of my ass. For someone I spent alot of time fantasizing pulling every last red hair out of her head--- I really really appreciate her now. I thank her from my heart for her insight and do think we have forged a new category of friendship. LOL

Comments

Anonymous said…
LOL I think I'm pulling it out for you actually. One step back, now you're taking your second step forward. It all works out in the end, you get to where you belong. And that IS happy. Have fun tomorrow!

XO
12:23 PM
Anonymous said…
Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.
1:56 AM
Dayngr said…
Sometimes it is all about perspective... There is nothing wrong with feeling down or complaining. We all do it. We just have to remember how blessed we are as well.
3:20 AM
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